new girl old feeling

[Anonymous]

Where oh where do I begin?

Well, I`ll tell you all about my trip to Target today. I went to target today and I always strive to be super nice to people, even when their being mean. Admittedly, though, when people aren`t friendly back, I take it to heart to the point where I think about it for days. That is freaking ridiculous. I fear confrontation of a negative nature. I smiled at some ladies in the store today and said "excuse me". I got dirty looks. *shrugs*. So..that made me feel like crap. I don`t know why I even CARE at all. I care about all sorts of dumb stuff like that. I am affected on a high level by other peoples moods and the way they act. Why? I have no idea.
This is going to sound really weird but I get reallllllly nervous around people my age, especially around other women my age. I freak out and just get really quiet and anxiety ridden. GGGGRRRRR

I`m surprised I`m able to go out. I`m surprised I drive. I really am surprised I do much of anything outside of the house because I have anxiety attacks all the time, which jokingly, I refer to as me "going crazy", It really does feel that way sometimes. I think I`ve got more to my problems than social anxiety, but I think the social anxiety either is the cause or result of the other problems. Like being depressed.
I am SO SO SO tired of living this way, and feeling this way. There are days where honestly I just want to hide somewhere. I`ve dubbed all people assholes because really I just get freaked out around people. Being around crowds makes me feel inadequate, and irritated.
Please tell me it isn`t just me. I feel like crying and screaming at the same time. :x

 

[Anonymous]

NO WAY is it 'just you' new girl! I thought I was reading about MYSELF here! I could have written the same EXACT things line for line and it would have been ME!

I know what you mean about the people too, they are self centered, and RUDE, and they make me sorry I even force myself to go out at times! Even when you are driving, there is always someone in a hurry that thinks they should be ahead of everyone else, or that they are the only ones that have the right to be on the roads driving! There are some nice people, but very few and far between, most of them ARE ASSHOLES!

I am very sensitive, and very self concious, and I take every thing to heart, JUST LIKE YOU. If people are mean/rude, I cop a major attitude & get bitchy, and if they are nice, I love/enjoy it, but later I get depressed because of it.... now, is THAT screwed up or WHAT? I think it may be because of the awesome high I feel thinking that someone actually finds me WORTHY enough to speak to or treat with respect.... and then it's gone, and what will it be the next time I venture out?

New girl, I feel EXACTLY LIKE YOU DO!!!

Gosh... I would love to compare more 'notes'.

BTW~~I'm a female too, but not a girl, an older woman.

 

[Ladystardust]

I just want to say I really do idetify with how you feel. For me the worst thing for me about this social phobia is other people and their attitudes. I like you am very sensitive to how people are toward me I can read rejection into a lot of things they say and do. I am a christian and as such i know I should forgive people when they hurt me but it is difficult when I feel they as the more mature one in the faith are not as understanding as I expect.
I can go out in fact I try to because if I stay in I get depressed and the sense of isolation is greatly magnified. However most days I do not speak to anyone much. I see people at my religious meetings three times a week, but that is it. I have great trouble starting a conversation though I have a few people I can talk to however, I do not see them outside the meetings. I have a phone but I rarely call anyone this is because I do not want to impose on there free time as most of them are very busy people.
I have one friend Tom who has tried to help me but he really has not grasped that things he has no trouble with I find difficult. For the last three weeks he has been away I have had no contact with him at all. While he was away things happend and I stopped going to the meetings so I was not there when he came back. I waited to see if he would phone me he did not. In the end I went to the meeting and I saw him there. And yes he seemed pleased to see me but really has had little time for me since. Tom has to go away again and I will miss him very much. So you see that is an example of things I have happening. I am sorry to put all this on you I had no intention of doing this when I decided to reply still at least you know their is some one out here even if we can't do much to help

 

[Anonymous]

Your not alone. I myself feel the same very way. It's gotten to the point where I cannot even go to school anymore or be in public without someone I know, or to whom I am very close with. I also have a problem being my peers of the same sex. It sucks. As much as I want to hang out with them, I can't. I become mute when I am around them, and anxious. Just getting ready in the morning makes me have a panic attack, because I know that i have to go outside and see people. Some who are going to be assholes, and others who are nice and I can stand. It really sucks because there is soo much that I want to do, and I just get held back by my problems. WHY OH WHY DO OUR LIVES HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!!! UGH AHHHHHHHH

James

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the replies

Thank you to everyone who replied to my post. I haven`t checked back here in a few days so I was surprised by the few replies I got. Thanks ya`ll. It`s nice to know that I`m not alone.
Today my social anxiety wasn`t too bad. I went out to dinner with my dad, my brother, my dad`s girlfriend, my dad`s friend, and his kid. It was a Friday night and it was packed at the place we went to eat. I felt somewhat uncomfortable twice. Once when we were waiting to get seated and I saw this girl walking by with her boyfriend, and she looked sort of mean. I get seriously uncomfortable when I think someone is a threat to me. WTF? anyways. AND when I went to use the ladies room. I heard like two or three girls chatting by the sinks and I got freaked out before I even exited the stall. They left the bathroom before I went to wash my hands, but how messed up is that? I have a real problem with girls my age. I`m 19 and I have always felt that I was different than other girls for whatever reason. I`m paranoid that they`ll judge me or say something mean to me.
Sometimes I get really just not notice people. I just don`t look at anyone and anyone I come into contact with, I just look at them and look away. But when I take the time to be nice (which is usually every day) and people are assholes back, I`m completely miserable.
Here in Southern California there must be a prize out for who can be the bitchiest asshole out there. GGGGRRRRR
Don`t even get me going about driving. I HATE people sometimes. damnit damnit damnit!

 

[Anonymous]

Hard to survive when everyone comes inside. Hard to keep thinking when your buried alive. They all want to socialize. I wish I could find the way outside. Its hard to think straight when I'm buried alive. Look in the mirror and pull out my eyes. Everyone wants me to socialize. Walking down the street I notice her thighs. Looking in the mirror I pull out my eyes. Eyes. Socialize. Its hard to keep thinking when I'm buried alive. I want to find the way to the other side! I eat more of these pills I dispize! I have to socilize! Its hard to talk to others when you're buried alive! I wake up in the morning - I'm ready to die! Bring through the back streets to the other side! Its hard to keep moving when you're buried alive! I look in the mirror - I'm full of time. Its hard not to mumble when I'm buried alive.

 

[Razor]

I think I`ve got more to my problems than social anxiety, but I think the social anxiety either is the cause or result of the other problems. Like being depressed.
I am SO SO SO tired of living this way, and feeling this way. There are days where honestly I just want to hide somewhere. I`ve dubbed all people assholes because really I just get freaked out around people. Being around crowds makes me feel inadequate, and irritated.
Please tell me it isn`t just me. I feel like crying and screaming at the same time. :x

I feel you all the way.. hardcore style (Whatever that means)!!