ankitchens
New member
I just found this site and i'm so glad...it is what I have needed. Just a quick background, then I have a question. I am 20 years old, I have had panic attacks for 8 years and in the past year or 2 they have gotten worse and started making me extremely nauseous to the point of almost vomiting which is worse than a panic attack for me because I suffer from emetophobia [an irrational fear of vomiting] On August 1 of this year I had to attend my birthday party about 30 mins from my house and I had panic attacks off and on all day so I was already nervous and tried to get out of it but I couldn't miss my own birthday! I sucked it up and went, had major panic attacks the whole drive there, didn't eat the entire time I was at the restaurant, and panicked all the way home. I have not left my house since that day for more than 5 mins. I live in the middle of nowhere, the closest town is 15 mins away so I have to be able to drive. I have been practicing driving with someone in the car with me but as soon as I get out of my "comfort zone" which is only about a mile from my house I have a panic attack and think I will vomit. It's not even the panic that scares me, I have learned to deal with that over time....it's the nauseous feeling, as weird and unusual as this fear is I honestly think I am going to vomit everyday, at some point in my day. I can't stay in the house anymore....I don't know where to go from here. I have been prescribed Ativan for times I feel a panic attack coming on but I can't make myself take them because of the side effects of nausea and vomiting. I have a boyfriend who lives 4 hours away and he's going to Iraq on Sunday for a year and I can't even get myself out of the house to go see him before he leaves, it kills me because I know if I don't go tomorrow our relationship is over. I haven't told him how bad it's gotten, I just make excuses on why I can't go but I have run out of excuses and I honestly want to see him but I am terrified to go that far out my comfort zone. I also have a friend coming into town from California on Sunday and I wasn't able to see him the last 2 trips he's had here because I was afraid to leave the house, he isn't happy with me now and I will probably lose another friend if I don't go, the catch is I have to drive an hour to the city he will be in. I have lost almost every friend I have because I haven't left my house in over 4 months, my family is frustrated and told me I have to find somewhere else to live, I haven't had a job since May, I can't live like this anymore but at this point my fear is honestly more than my will to go out and live life like a normal person. I am terrified, and I don't want to miss out on life. I am stuck, I need help...where do I go from here? I want to go see my boyfriend tomorrow but everyone says that's an impossible goal, I can't lose anyone else....I need advice!! Agoraphobia is runing my life. =(
