Anonymous
Well-known member
Ok, I hope somebody will respond to this, I need a little advice/feedback. I have never talked to anybody about my shyness.
I've always been really shy and insecure but its become worse the last couple years and now I've begun to think that it might be SA. In school I've usually gotten along with everybody, but I felt like a phoney. I really resent myself because it seems like I just take on the personality of whoever I'm with. I'm actually pretty good at being somebody else, makes me think I should go into acting. I've always had lots of acquaintances but few real friends, and whenever a friendship sort of develops I back off and drive the person away, sort of like Groucho Marx's quote "I would never join a club that would accept me as a member." I think it is like a defence mechanism, like beating them to the punch. I never show people that I care because then I can't be rejected. Its ridiculous. The friends that I do have, I sort of assumed that they are just using me until they find someone better. I know this is irrational but most of the time it doesn't even upset me because I just accept it as the way things are. I never ask for favors or help, because I don't want to be a burden. I would never tell my friends about my increasing social ineptness because I wouldn't want them to feel obliged to have to help me.
Alright, now this is getting too long...
What I really wanted to say is that I am in university now, in residence, and in my building I am "that girl", the loner who doesn't have any friends. I am so ashamed about it. I think that now though I could start with the small talk but how do I go from being the "weird quiet one" to branching out? I feel like it is too late now, I've already made an impression on these people. Actually I don't even know how to go about making small talk but I know the only way it will change is if I make it change.
I've always been really shy and insecure but its become worse the last couple years and now I've begun to think that it might be SA. In school I've usually gotten along with everybody, but I felt like a phoney. I really resent myself because it seems like I just take on the personality of whoever I'm with. I'm actually pretty good at being somebody else, makes me think I should go into acting. I've always had lots of acquaintances but few real friends, and whenever a friendship sort of develops I back off and drive the person away, sort of like Groucho Marx's quote "I would never join a club that would accept me as a member." I think it is like a defence mechanism, like beating them to the punch. I never show people that I care because then I can't be rejected. Its ridiculous. The friends that I do have, I sort of assumed that they are just using me until they find someone better. I know this is irrational but most of the time it doesn't even upset me because I just accept it as the way things are. I never ask for favors or help, because I don't want to be a burden. I would never tell my friends about my increasing social ineptness because I wouldn't want them to feel obliged to have to help me.
Alright, now this is getting too long...
What I really wanted to say is that I am in university now, in residence, and in my building I am "that girl", the loner who doesn't have any friends. I am so ashamed about it. I think that now though I could start with the small talk but how do I go from being the "weird quiet one" to branching out? I feel like it is too late now, I've already made an impression on these people. Actually I don't even know how to go about making small talk but I know the only way it will change is if I make it change.