Section_31
Well-known member
Sorry to bring this here, im not going to rant per se, but i need to let my true feelings out quietly somewhere, because my wife doesnt deserve them, and i dont have anyone else i can vent to without "feeding the family rumor/drama pool" so to speak. I dont intend to offend anyone here at all who suffers from S/A. If so, i apologize in advance.
My wife had a bad anxiety attack today. It all started from what she perceived to be an altercation with my father, while i was away at work.
First, let me explain why shes at odds with him. My dad had bought her a car a few yrs ago so she could commute to her uni and back, as it was a 5 hour bus ride round trip for her. So anyway, she fell in love with it as it was her first car ever. So fast forward to this past october. My dad was seeing a woman, who was really trying hard to get us all separated, on the grounds that it didnt matter what was going on in our lives, just the fact that her and I were the ages that we are, we should be on our own no matter what (nevermind the fact i dont make enough to support us on our own and my hunny still has 3 yrs of uni left full time, no time for her to work).
So, my dad, trying to keep his lady happy, said he would talk to us about it, but at the same time said that he wasnt going to force anything. He casually mentioned to us, that my wife should sell her car, and i should sell mine, so we could get a downpayment for a place. I personally did understand what he was talking about, it made sense, although i wasnt particularly crazy about it. My wife on the other hand, took that very personally. From her view, he got her this car because he cared about her and wanted to help (she never had a loving father figure in her life growing up). And now asking her to sell it, from her point of view, somthing she had seen as a huge gift, and had become attached to, really, REALLY hurt her feelings. And shes been angry at my dad ever since, although hes totally oblivious to this and doesnt even realize anything is wrong. He has no idea shes mad at him.
So anyway, back to now. Im at work, and shes going through a bunch of boxes in the basement, moving things around, and my dad had come home, and all he did was tell her not to misplace anything. Well, because shes angry at him, and emotional about it, she was also automatically very anxious when he spoke to her, and that started her on a downward spiral today.
So i come home from work, she had called me earlier and told me what had happened. I figured id get her out of the house, try to take her mind off things. So were at the mall, trying to do some theraputic shopping, which normally cheers her right up. Except in this case she froze when she was outside a place she wanted to go in, because she'd have to talk to someone. She started trembling and i could tell she was trying hard not to cry. I did my best not to make a big deal out of it, i didnt want to do that and make her feel like the whole world was paying attention, really, the only way i knew somthing was wrong is because i know her. But anyway, We sat down somewhere, and she slowly tried to calm herself down. But after this, her mindset totally changed, which happens alot when she has an attack like this. I asked her if she still wanted to go in, she said she wanted to do whatever I wanted to do.
Now, i have to admit, and again, i hope i dont offend anyone, but i really get frustrated when she wants me to make all the decisions when shes feeling like this. I totally understand that at that moment she probably cant, that its too overwhelming, but the last time i tried to do so, i just made the wrong choice and she was angry at me later on for a while.
So i gently am trying to persuade her a little bit, trying to feel out what she might want to do, suggesting small things. That didnt help. We ended up just coming home, we had a date night planned tonight but really i didnt see the point in much of anything if she wasnt going to be enjoying herself (i didnt tell her that!).
It just hurts my heart to see her go through this, and i would give anything to somehow take that pain away from her. Im not perfect, im only human, i get frustrated alot when this happens, not frustrated at her, but frustrated because i cant help, because i dont know what to do. I dont dare show this frustration, because i dont want her to misconstrue it as being directed at her, which its not. But i had to remove myself from the situation for a small while to get this out, because i also know bottling it isnt healthy in my case. I cant help her if i cant help myself.
Shes sleeping right now. As soon as we got home she retreated to the bedroom and just went right to bed, which isn unusual when she feels like this. Though, seeing as she went to bed at 5 pm im doubting shes going to sleep the whole night.
Im just sitting here, trying not to fume over it, trying to let it go. But i had to talk to someone to get this all out. Because i just want to be the best husband to her i know how to be. But still, i just get frustrated when things go awry because of this, even though she isnt to blame at all.
Anyone have any suggestions on what i can do in these situations?.
Sorry for the book-long post.
My wife had a bad anxiety attack today. It all started from what she perceived to be an altercation with my father, while i was away at work.
First, let me explain why shes at odds with him. My dad had bought her a car a few yrs ago so she could commute to her uni and back, as it was a 5 hour bus ride round trip for her. So anyway, she fell in love with it as it was her first car ever. So fast forward to this past october. My dad was seeing a woman, who was really trying hard to get us all separated, on the grounds that it didnt matter what was going on in our lives, just the fact that her and I were the ages that we are, we should be on our own no matter what (nevermind the fact i dont make enough to support us on our own and my hunny still has 3 yrs of uni left full time, no time for her to work).
So, my dad, trying to keep his lady happy, said he would talk to us about it, but at the same time said that he wasnt going to force anything. He casually mentioned to us, that my wife should sell her car, and i should sell mine, so we could get a downpayment for a place. I personally did understand what he was talking about, it made sense, although i wasnt particularly crazy about it. My wife on the other hand, took that very personally. From her view, he got her this car because he cared about her and wanted to help (she never had a loving father figure in her life growing up). And now asking her to sell it, from her point of view, somthing she had seen as a huge gift, and had become attached to, really, REALLY hurt her feelings. And shes been angry at my dad ever since, although hes totally oblivious to this and doesnt even realize anything is wrong. He has no idea shes mad at him.
So anyway, back to now. Im at work, and shes going through a bunch of boxes in the basement, moving things around, and my dad had come home, and all he did was tell her not to misplace anything. Well, because shes angry at him, and emotional about it, she was also automatically very anxious when he spoke to her, and that started her on a downward spiral today.
So i come home from work, she had called me earlier and told me what had happened. I figured id get her out of the house, try to take her mind off things. So were at the mall, trying to do some theraputic shopping, which normally cheers her right up. Except in this case she froze when she was outside a place she wanted to go in, because she'd have to talk to someone. She started trembling and i could tell she was trying hard not to cry. I did my best not to make a big deal out of it, i didnt want to do that and make her feel like the whole world was paying attention, really, the only way i knew somthing was wrong is because i know her. But anyway, We sat down somewhere, and she slowly tried to calm herself down. But after this, her mindset totally changed, which happens alot when she has an attack like this. I asked her if she still wanted to go in, she said she wanted to do whatever I wanted to do.
Now, i have to admit, and again, i hope i dont offend anyone, but i really get frustrated when she wants me to make all the decisions when shes feeling like this. I totally understand that at that moment she probably cant, that its too overwhelming, but the last time i tried to do so, i just made the wrong choice and she was angry at me later on for a while.
So i gently am trying to persuade her a little bit, trying to feel out what she might want to do, suggesting small things. That didnt help. We ended up just coming home, we had a date night planned tonight but really i didnt see the point in much of anything if she wasnt going to be enjoying herself (i didnt tell her that!).
It just hurts my heart to see her go through this, and i would give anything to somehow take that pain away from her. Im not perfect, im only human, i get frustrated alot when this happens, not frustrated at her, but frustrated because i cant help, because i dont know what to do. I dont dare show this frustration, because i dont want her to misconstrue it as being directed at her, which its not. But i had to remove myself from the situation for a small while to get this out, because i also know bottling it isnt healthy in my case. I cant help her if i cant help myself.
Shes sleeping right now. As soon as we got home she retreated to the bedroom and just went right to bed, which isn unusual when she feels like this. Though, seeing as she went to bed at 5 pm im doubting shes going to sleep the whole night.
Im just sitting here, trying not to fume over it, trying to let it go. But i had to talk to someone to get this all out. Because i just want to be the best husband to her i know how to be. But still, i just get frustrated when things go awry because of this, even though she isnt to blame at all.
Anyone have any suggestions on what i can do in these situations?.
Sorry for the book-long post.
