Need some serious help...

[CK23]

Hey Guys,
This is the 3rd time i am composing this message which already shows how dead and scared i am... I dont expect many replies as i am writing a lot of stuff here which may put people away...but i thank everyone in advance who ever takes the time to hear me out here.. I am very lonely, and i have been for all the 23 years i have lived here...I have no friends at all... and i have serious depression cos of it... i tried to befriend people and always got dumped...i just want some company and i dont have anyone to talk to... i met a few people that are nice and i meet them everyday cos they are in my work place but all the bad memories of the past bring me down and i feel that i am half my age when i am around the one special person who treated me well in this present work place... I feel like i need to connect some how i have no energy to be very talkative or develop a strong friendship but i hope to at least have one friend in my life... my parents always had high expectations and due to their own bullying and the bullying at school i have become totally unconfident... i have been engaged to a girl i barely know and whose even more insecure than me and she doesnt talk to me at all and i have no love sparks with her... i feel so cold and scared about sex and about my future... i desperately need this new work place buddy i always wanted an elder sister i could turn to for help and she perfectly meets the description... i have a lot fo social anxiety and i am scared around people....i just need a friend to give me some warmth... it's reall too cold and hard to handle...

 

[akele]

[quote="i have been engaged to a girl i barely know and whose even more insecure than me and she doesnt talk to me at all and i have no love sparks with her... i feel so cold and scared about sex and about my future... i desperately need this new work place buddy i always wanted an elder sister i could turn to for help and she perfectly meets the description... i have a lot fo social anxiety and i am scared around people....i just need a friend to give me some warmth... it's reall too cold and hard to handle...[/quote]

two things come to mind from what you've expresssed here. not that i'm an expert, but i am quite old and have experienced a lot, good and bad.
first is. please break the engagement to the girl you have no spark of love for. its not worth it, just to have someone, to be with someone you have no love for. i remember at the age of 19, crying the morning i woke up on the day the ad for my engagement was printed in the newspaper. thankfully, later the guy broke it off, and although it was horrible to be rejected, it was a relief not to be stuck with someone i didnt have that spark for. i just wanted to think i was good enough for someone to want to marry, as all my friends were getting engaged.

second is, not to pin all your hopes onto this one girl at work, because if shes like most people, it would probably drive her away if she picked up on the fact that you felt so 'desparate' for her. its a normal reaction to run from someone who wants too much of you. you're very young, now. when i was 21 i didnt know anything about relationships. all i knew was gained from reading books! not much help in the real world. i'm only an 'expert' on relationships now because i've had so many failed ones, and i know now what not to do. just as needing someone too much will put them off, having some interests of your own, i.e. not just one single goal in life of getting a friend, will be the best way of having the chance to make friends. try not to focus too intensely on the girl you like. and not to focus ONLY on her as a friend. spread it around a bit. this is just my gut feeling.

i hope this makes some sense, because i know what it is to be 21 yrs old and lonely.

 

[CK23]

Thank you for replying to my post... I really appreciate it... you know on a positive note despite all this crap i am dealing with i still have a stinging punch.......I've had severe SA in the past, but now even though i get knocked out at times, i'm doing a lot better...The only thing is, i cant quite figure out what to do when i get lonely and my anxiety kicks into gear...This girl is actually my wife now (sorry, i was too anxious to admit it)... she hasnt moved in yet cos i am in shambles when it comes to being financially well-off...i've just started in this new work place where i found this nice caring lady i mentioned...Actually the thing is i had no option but to give in when the engagement and the 'tying the knot stuff' happened... My parents wont take no for an answer and if you say no, then you had it cos they're insecure and unconfident and it can get worse...Cos of all this stuff i get panic attacks at night and i freak out cos of sex and the fact that my wife is dying to move in... she's weird this way i mean she barely talks at all on the phone even when you try your hardest to make her talk...I cant break it off cos it would be disastrous i havent given you all the details cos that'll keep it longer than it already has become... this msg i mean... I really dont know what to do here, i am totally lost... the only thing i can figure out here is desperately need some people who can give me a shoulder to cry on... thanks for reading...Adios...