Need some help!!!

[Alexander89]

Hey im Alex im 18, im pretty sure i have OCD, im a relgious person and i remember back when i was like 9 and 10 i would suddenly have a thought about god that wasnt plesnt, like swearing at him, thoughts i didnt want to think and that up setted me! It seems like every thing im accoceated with i think bad things about, for example im reglious, i work at a child care and i love my family!
I will have bad thoughts about kids, god and my family, that really upsets me because its not me, im not that kind of person and i jsut want them to go away, also some times, things that happen when growing up, like i said in a other post here
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt13431.html
I would think of something, that was probably tottaly natural at the time, and then i seem to beat myself up about it when ive done nothing, i try to think over what happen over and over intil im statisfied but that never seems to happen!
Some times i can go weeks and be happy and enjoy like, other times i just hate myself and its bugs ya all day, even in ur sleep you wake up thinking about it in the morning, its not plesent at all.

Any medications or anything that can stop these thoughts and feelings, please do tell

 

[Alexander89]

also, another thing, i used to keep these things to myslef because i thought they were pretty disturbing, i actually finally got the courage and told my mum about them, but now it seems like every time something enters my head, I MUST TELL HER other wise it just brews in your head, now i dont want to be doing this, it hate it, also now that i got a gf, it keeps bugging me to tell her! and i dont wanna freak her out or anything and i dont want to be having to tell these things all the time, but they will keep in my head intil i actually say them out loud, but it seems like it has to be a certain person and not just anyone.
Even now i think that, oh no what if you ppl here dont understand what im trying to say or something like that and think im some horrible person and etc.

Also for me, it seems to be only thoughts!
While my mum has said she sometimes might count the letters in my name for no apprent reason or count the letters in the poster in our bathroom! but i dont have any of that, you know like the cracks in the floor , manily just the unwanted thoughts! I do set my clock at weird times like lets say 6:34 instead of 6:30 but i think thats just me being stupid, but yea, sometimes something that i did that i thought was wrong when i was liek 13, i might remember it and might keep thinking about it because it was un tastful or something like that. but thats what bothers me, things t hat happen like 10 years ago in my childhood, will pester me and ruin my day and i will keep thinking about it to try and say to myself i did nothing wrong. i know in my heart i didnt but my mind says otherwise, im not sure if that part is OCD or somehting else tho.

EDIT: By reading some other topics i noticed, yes i do hoard things! I some times even get upset that a piece of rubbish from a chocolate rapper gets thrown out, and i tend to keep usless stuff like maybe some junkmail, or a potatoe chip rapper, i tend to keep them some times, i know its not normal but i still do it.

 

[phoenix1]

Hi,

First off, you are not a horrible person. In fact, you sound like a really good person. Dealing with OCD doesnt make you a bad person, infact it takes alot of courage to have to deal with the thoughts everyday.

The thing with OCD and the constant thoughts is that its just your brain trying to get you to deal with something you dont want to deal with. It does NOT at all mean that you really do want to hurt your family or God or whatever else that is bothering you. All it means is that because these thoughts terrify you, you try to avoid thinking about it, which in turn makes your brain want to fix it and the only way it knows how, is to try to get you to think about it completely and not try to avoid or repel it. Its human nature that the more we are scared, anxious or afraid of something, the more our brains will focus on it. Its not trying to destory you or make you do things you dont want to do, its really just trying to get to you see what you are afraid of in order to fix it.

You know, every single person has these bad thoughts about God, family, sex and everything else like that. Its human nature to think and to feel the bad as well as the good. Its only when we try so hard to stop the bad, that we get in trouble with OCD and panic. You are not a bad person, nor evil, nor horrible for thinking any of these thoughts. We all do, it just makes it so hard when you try not to think about them because it makes your brain focus on them even more and more. It can be so cruel. If there's any advice I can give you right now is to try not to fight so much against the thoughts, it only ends up making it worse. The more you can accept and allow the thoughts, the less it will continue to affect you. Keep telling yourself that having a bad thought, does not make you a bad, person. Its normal to have bad thoughts, just like its normal to have good thoughts.

 

[Alexander89]

yea, another thing is sometimes i can get upset over really silly things sometimes even stuff that happened when i was 7, stuff that really happened but was really no problem in the 1st place, but that doesnt happen often tho. Possibly once in a blue moon but when it does it really tick you off because its destroying the day ur having.

Like for example my next door neighbour throwing away a toy of mine down the drain when i was a kid, i remembered it for some reason and start feeling down again.
Like what i said in my other post, beacuse i accidently touched a brother friends and in my head thought sex, and now u keep thinking if u done it for a reason ( i know i didnt) and etc.
Does OCD do that too? bring real life events and make them into something there not?

 

[Alexander89]

like some times i get upset over real things that have happen, some a really stupid and you keep replaying them over in your head to make sure you havnt done anything wrong! I know i havnt but its like my brain wants to reaplay the whole event to make sure!
And that can bother you for days and days and days and i cant think of anything else! some times you remember things like when i was a child that jsut arnt important anymore, why does this happen, is this OCD too or is this somehing else?