Need HELP with OCD friend!

[FriendhasOCD]

My friend has the most awful eating and shopping problems which stem from her OCD! This is coming between us real fast as it is getting worse all the time. She shops 3 days a week spending hundreds on people she barely knows to buy their friendships. (a waitress she met 3 days ago, a new hairdresser - because her last 3 dumped her! etc.) She is arrogant, verbally abusive, knows everything. Eats excessively ie: 5+ full unhealthy meals a day, usually fast food in between shopping binges. She shovels huge amounts of food into her mouth, talking all the while in a loud annoying angry voice about her family problems. I am her only real friend. I am her lifeline to the outside of her home - where she wears gloves to open doors and drawers, do laundry, turn on switches, get dressed, etc. Certain peices of furniture or doorways or areas cannot be touched because they have been contaminated by workmen. There's more but it is too long a list to write! She feels that her OCD is 'totally under control'. I need advice.
How can I convince her to get professional help?

 

[christinecanada]

Sounds like my ex-. The best way for them to get help is to hit rock bottom. I know this might not sound like the answer you need, but it worked for me. When I was about to lose everything, I got help right away.

 

[fudgy]

respect for sticking by your friend she sounds like a positive delight and I hope she doesn't drag you down as it must be exhausting !

Mental health issues make a person selfish in my opinion because it consumes you so much and you become so low it's hard to function , therefore a person withdraws into their own world of misery and can't see out.

She has serious problems with the eating and shopping and obviously her germ thing is also bad , but you can't make someone face this if they are not ready .

It may be that she just isn't ready for the huge leap into recognition of her ocd and the hard work involved in a cure. Better the devil you know etc !

You have to be straight to the point at this stage I imagine , maybe offer to go to her gp with her , but stress that you cannot continue like this if she isn't prepared to even go for a chat with the doc. Maybe she is scared to hear the truth from a professional.

bring her on here

 

[FriendhasOCD]

Thanks for your response. Yes...it is draining and exhausting and frustrating and annoying. Thinking of the guilt I would have if I ever severed our friendship causes me huge stress. I lose sleep over it these days and just feel so helpless. My friend is very self-centered and does not 'see herself' as being out-of-control. She truly thinks she is 'managing' her OCD just fine. Very scary, really!

 

[FriendhasOCD]

She won't hit rock bottom if she thinks she is OK. But actually, if I quit the friendship...ie: abandoned her, she might. Not sure if I could take the guilt tho!

 

[guessed]

Maybe you had a good friendship in the past, but at this point, do you actually like her, or just feel sorry for her?

 

[fudgy]

She won't hit rock bottom if she thinks she is OK. But actually, if I quit the friendship...ie: abandoned her, she might. Not sure if I could take the guilt tho!

can you take the friendship as it is right now ?

and iltimately you will be stepping back as a route to her getting sorted out , so let go of your guilt !! You don't deserve to suffer because of her ocd.

 

[FriendhasOCD]

I do like her...but I absolutely hate watching her shovel food into her mouth while listening to her angrily complain about the price of a double cheeseburger & fries just minutes after spending $200+ on ridiculous purchases which will be hoarded indefinitely in her overstuffed closets. I cringe at knowing that the very same scenerio will take place in a day or so and again a few days later. I will surely have to back away from this unhealthy situation. Doing it is hard tho as, yes, I really do feel very sorry for her.

 

[fudgy]

the more I read the more I wonder how you do this !!!


your doing the right thing in my mind by not giving her an audience ...and ..well I am wondering how much of this is ocd and how much is pure greed and lust , probably a combination of both triggering each other off.

she needs help and you have the right to a bit of peace.

 

[FriendhasOCD]

Hi Fudgy. Thanks so much for your input...and to the others who have responded as well. I too am atonished that I have not completely cut-off all ties with this friend. I will say, a while back I did attempt to back away - saying that I needed to devote more time to my family and job. See, I am employed full time but manage to squeeze in 3 days a week for several hours just so that she will not be alone/housebound and friendless. When I took this step, there were lots of tears, drama, ranting, despair and a full-on guilt trip re: 'our friendship'. She mentioned loyalty and the predictable 'after all I have done for you' BS. *That would be buying me the odd gift of costume jewelry, some random grocery items when they are 'buy 1-get 1 free', and a few other misc.things at the dollar store when she felt I was annoyed or up-tight.* (as I previously mentioned, she buys friendships because she cannot seem to keep them naturally.) So, point being...I am now going to try to actually spit out the words I should have done ages ago. Those being the real and truthful reason I need to back away. Which is that her OCD is her problem. Not mine. *** Any further words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated as I intend to have this discussion in a day or so. (Gulp!)

 

[fudgy]

I am able to stand back and see both sides here , because I was a total drain I imagine on some of my friends years ago

I went through a phase of having to ask people to " take it back" if something was said that I felt uneasy with ..you know like taking someones name in vain or swearing on the life of someone ..that kind of thing , but sometimes it was inappropriate to ask to "take it back" and I would call my friend up constantly in a right old state screaming at her to "take it back" for a random stranger 4 hours ago that said something that I couldn't get out of my head.

So I can see why your friend is like this with you .

I have a little hand book that is for the friends and family of sufferers of ocd , and that does say in it not to feed the persons ocd ..

ie ..my friends from years ago should have refused to do what it was I asked of them , but of course they are my friends and they could see I was frantic, so they did it..and fed my ocd even more by being kind to me..if that makes sense.

So you know how she is going to respond , you know she will be upset , guilt trip you etc etc etc ...so your prepared for all of that , so you have to be strong and see it through and don't let her manipulate or convince you otherwise.

I don't know that I can offer any words of wisdom , I think you knew what you needed to do before you even signed up to this site and have now got confirmation.

be strong and remind yourself that this girl is ill and her mind is so full of bull**** she can't see the woods for the trees, and one day I hope she can see what a good friend you are.

I wish you well and would like to know how you get on.

 

[FriendhasOCD]

Thanks fudgy.
OK...I need that handbook!!!

Honestly tho, I must admit...I have spent too many hours in the library reading-up on OCD. Actually just finished 'The Sky Is Falling'. Very interesting! Would I ever tell my friend any of this this? No way...as that would make her totally paranoid that I was investigating and prying! OMG!

So, I will have a chat with her soon....perhaps telling her that I can no longer 'hang-out' till she gets some prof. help. That I am busy with my own life - job and family. That I want to see her overcome and manage this OCD but I am not the one to save her from it... etc.

(*Gulp!*)

Will update.
Prayers please!
And many thanks!

 

[fudgy]

I hope you got on ok with your friend and life is a little better now