My thoughts right now

decadent88

decadent88

Well-known member
My mind is like a monster living inside me. A hungry one. It only feeds on anxiety, negativity, contempt, frustration, depression, anger and hatred.
I try to relax it. Calm it down.
But it would always squirm about. It has an eternal hunger. Nothing works.
Sometimes I try to over-feed it. It's really painful to do so. But I do. Seems to get me through. But in doing so, I am slowly changing the geography of who I am.
I am becoming a selfish, needy, unconfident, depressed and horrible person.
And alone.

So be it. Not everybody's meant to be living with ponies and sunshine! :)

As long as I am better off with myself, it's kinda o.k. As long as in the end of the day I don't have to look at a pair of questioning eyes putting the worlds weight on my shoulders, it's fine.

Through all the experiences of my past, life has given my more than enough reasons from time to time. I am one of those few who doesn't get any. :) For better.

I was here then I was gone. Everyone saw but no-one watched.
I poured my heart out. Nobody gave a $hit.

It's o.k.

At least I am so grateful that I got to behold such a beautiful world as mine! I find meaning in each and every of it's grains. :)
 
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BiWinning

BiWinning

Well-known member
that was very artistic.
I wish my thoughts assembled themselves so beautifully.
It is more like *grumble grumble rant rant OHH PRETTY grumble HAPPY sad lonely grumble*

I manage my depression with cynicism. It works out quite nicely.
 
decadent88

decadent88

Well-known member
Haha.. thanx for the appreciation mate,... I was very depressed when I wrote it.. I m not always like this though! :p
 
T

TorontoListener

Member
I'm curious, what is your daily routine like? Are you working or a student? What do you do when you come home in the evening?

The best way to combat negative thoughts and depression is to keep busy with new hobbies and artistic pursuits. A side benefit is that it helps you get used to people.

Do some volunteer work at a charity (even if you are only stuffing envelopes at first). Take an arts class. Enrol in evening courses, either for interest or for bettering your education in your field of work.

At one point in my life I was busy four nights a week after work. I was depressed far less and it helped my social skills.
 
decadent88

decadent88

Well-known member
I am a student.
I used to be involved in many things... but nowadays I lost my will to do pretty much anything. Even the things I loved..

There's one thing still remaining though, music. That's the only thing that means anything now in my life, it keeps me going.

I am not always depressed. It is something that I have no control over. It comes and goes as it wishes. Some days i m o.k, some I'm not.
 
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