Hi everyone, this is my first post so pls be patient with me.
I'd like to introduce my self, telling my current situation.
I'm nearly 30 years old, and I'm basically wasting my life
and certainly throwing away my youth.
I don't have friends, I've never had a girlfriend, actually
I've never dated at all or even thought of approaching a girl,
you can certainly guess that I'm still a virgin (yes, imagine
that, i'm nearly 30 years old!).
Basically i suffer from social phobia, i'got serius issues
mixing with people, this in the years has influenced negatively
first my education and in turn my career.
I've studied computer sciences, i now work in
fetid company as a system admin. We are in two peole in my dept.
serving more or less 100 users and 4 branches in several nations.
I manage all the company's infrastructure, i'm alone in in this role,
so i have to be a sysadmin and a network admin in the same time.
It's my responsibility to solve the issues and cope with the deals
of the users. But for the company my role consists of first
level support for the users and secretarial work for the it manager.
I spend most of the time assisting the it manager, doing the work
for him, like filling in papers and managing the supplies,
for the company i'm just his secretary and the one to call when
one can't manage to use a computer o when a printer stops working
or somebody can't use the projector,
although funny enought when the major issues are present i'm the one
who has to solve them since the it managers passes them to me.
I basically manage the dept. on my one but i'm not the manager
so my salary is very low, it hasen't gone up although it's 4 years
i'm here. I've tried to find another job, but where i live you
have to know the right people to find one, it is virtually impossible
to get in just sending cvs. There would be even possibilities in my
sector where a live to do a travel job, i always wanted to do so
because i love to go around (infact the only positive thing of me actul
job is that in the pas i've travelled to the branches of my company)
there'e even a certain turn-over in these positions because many
peolpe don't like to travel, but yet again you have to be introduced
by somebody who already works there.
It's kinda difficult, because in IT you need experience to be able
to find another position, experience you you achieve only working,
so your first job has to be a one where you can make this experience,
and if you don't know the right people you can forget it.
This is the situation where a live.
I actually even fought of changing sector, i studied several languages
in high school and i know that where i live foreign languages are
usual but it has been a long time a went to school so i actually i'm not
so fluent anymore.
I'd like to try to go abroad to find a job but although
i've got 4 years of work, doing low level technicol stuff, i don't
have the right experience.
It doesen't help that people in general threat me like sh*t because
i appear like a looser, this has beens a serius issue in my life,
at school, university, other jobs i did, it always been the same thing.
I try my best to socialize but people where a live see me like a looser
because my anxiety is so high and peole can notice it, and the more
a try the more they pick on me for it.
My phobia is so bad that i've got problems in my daily life, i can't face
for example to go to a gym even if i really would like to, the fact is that
for my experience people there will pick on me for my anxiety and this
makes me simply not to go there.
I go to a psicotherapist for my social phobia, but it seems only a waste
of money (a lot to be onest) because i don't see improvements.
I'm aware that my situation could not be so bad if i could have friends
or a girlfriend to go around with and spend my free time with, helping me
facing things and give me the strength to then
make things on my one, give me the practice to improve my social skills,
but i just don't no where to find them and like i sed the more i try
the more thigs become awkward, and it doesen't certenly help the fact
that people pick on me for this.
My luck of motivation is so bad that it caused serious issue in my past and is
in my daily life.
I didn't manage to finish university because the lack of a social life
and the difficulties in studying didn't geve my the motivation to continue,
i was really suffering just beeing aware alone of my poor social skills and
the continuous picking of the other guys that all had friends and girlfriends
treating me yet again as a
finished me off, leading me to a serius depression state. It didn't really help the fact
that in that period my family had serious economic problems.
I'm throwing away my youth, my career sucks, my life sucks.
I'd like to change company, i'd like to find friends, i'd like to have a girlfriend.
I'm aware that even if someday i could accomplish one of these goals,
the youth i've lost will never come back.
I live in constantly fear due to my phobia and in constantly unhappiness,
i can't manage to achieve nothing, i think it doesen't really make sense to live like this.
Actually like i sed i don't have frieds or a girlfriend, i pass my evenings
drinking alchool (the positve thing if you can call it like that is that
i now have a cultere of wine, whisky, brandy etc) and watching television,
sometimes i go to see my parents just to have somebody to talk to,
i pass weekends staying alone or driving away without any destination.
Imagine that i'm afraid of even go to a agency and book a vacation, vacation
that i however would spend alone, not beang able to face clubs, restaurants ecc.
It's sad because i even dream that one day i'll have a girlfriend to go on holiday
with, going to the beach ultil i have the body.
My 20ies are gone by now, this should be the period when you achieve education,
make friends, make love experiences until you've got the age.
Many people think these are the best years of your life and i simply thew them away.
I'm nearly 30, i'm at maybe 1/3 of my life, i don't see really a way out
of my situation, the thought that i'll spend the rest of my like as a looser,
makes my seriously consider suicide as an option.
I'd like to introduce my self, telling my current situation.
I'm nearly 30 years old, and I'm basically wasting my life
and certainly throwing away my youth.
I don't have friends, I've never had a girlfriend, actually
I've never dated at all or even thought of approaching a girl,
you can certainly guess that I'm still a virgin (yes, imagine
that, i'm nearly 30 years old!).
Basically i suffer from social phobia, i'got serius issues
mixing with people, this in the years has influenced negatively
first my education and in turn my career.
I've studied computer sciences, i now work in
fetid company as a system admin. We are in two peole in my dept.
serving more or less 100 users and 4 branches in several nations.
I manage all the company's infrastructure, i'm alone in in this role,
so i have to be a sysadmin and a network admin in the same time.
It's my responsibility to solve the issues and cope with the deals
of the users. But for the company my role consists of first
level support for the users and secretarial work for the it manager.
I spend most of the time assisting the it manager, doing the work
for him, like filling in papers and managing the supplies,
for the company i'm just his secretary and the one to call when
one can't manage to use a computer o when a printer stops working
or somebody can't use the projector,
although funny enought when the major issues are present i'm the one
who has to solve them since the it managers passes them to me.
I basically manage the dept. on my one but i'm not the manager
so my salary is very low, it hasen't gone up although it's 4 years
i'm here. I've tried to find another job, but where i live you
have to know the right people to find one, it is virtually impossible
to get in just sending cvs. There would be even possibilities in my
sector where a live to do a travel job, i always wanted to do so
because i love to go around (infact the only positive thing of me actul
job is that in the pas i've travelled to the branches of my company)
there'e even a certain turn-over in these positions because many
peolpe don't like to travel, but yet again you have to be introduced
by somebody who already works there.
It's kinda difficult, because in IT you need experience to be able
to find another position, experience you you achieve only working,
so your first job has to be a one where you can make this experience,
and if you don't know the right people you can forget it.
This is the situation where a live.
I actually even fought of changing sector, i studied several languages
in high school and i know that where i live foreign languages are
usual but it has been a long time a went to school so i actually i'm not
so fluent anymore.
I'd like to try to go abroad to find a job but although
i've got 4 years of work, doing low level technicol stuff, i don't
have the right experience.
It doesen't help that people in general threat me like sh*t because
i appear like a looser, this has beens a serius issue in my life,
at school, university, other jobs i did, it always been the same thing.
I try my best to socialize but people where a live see me like a looser
because my anxiety is so high and peole can notice it, and the more
a try the more they pick on me for it.
My phobia is so bad that i've got problems in my daily life, i can't face
for example to go to a gym even if i really would like to, the fact is that
for my experience people there will pick on me for my anxiety and this
makes me simply not to go there.
I go to a psicotherapist for my social phobia, but it seems only a waste
of money (a lot to be onest) because i don't see improvements.
I'm aware that my situation could not be so bad if i could have friends
or a girlfriend to go around with and spend my free time with, helping me
facing things and give me the strength to then
make things on my one, give me the practice to improve my social skills,
but i just don't no where to find them and like i sed the more i try
the more thigs become awkward, and it doesen't certenly help the fact
that people pick on me for this.
My luck of motivation is so bad that it caused serious issue in my past and is
in my daily life.
I didn't manage to finish university because the lack of a social life
and the difficulties in studying didn't geve my the motivation to continue,
i was really suffering just beeing aware alone of my poor social skills and
the continuous picking of the other guys that all had friends and girlfriends
treating me yet again as a
finished me off, leading me to a serius depression state. It didn't really help the fact
that in that period my family had serious economic problems.
I'm throwing away my youth, my career sucks, my life sucks.
I'd like to change company, i'd like to find friends, i'd like to have a girlfriend.
I'm aware that even if someday i could accomplish one of these goals,
the youth i've lost will never come back.
I live in constantly fear due to my phobia and in constantly unhappiness,
i can't manage to achieve nothing, i think it doesen't really make sense to live like this.
Actually like i sed i don't have frieds or a girlfriend, i pass my evenings
drinking alchool (the positve thing if you can call it like that is that
i now have a cultere of wine, whisky, brandy etc) and watching television,
sometimes i go to see my parents just to have somebody to talk to,
i pass weekends staying alone or driving away without any destination.
Imagine that i'm afraid of even go to a agency and book a vacation, vacation
that i however would spend alone, not beang able to face clubs, restaurants ecc.
It's sad because i even dream that one day i'll have a girlfriend to go on holiday
with, going to the beach ultil i have the body.
My 20ies are gone by now, this should be the period when you achieve education,
make friends, make love experiences until you've got the age.
Many people think these are the best years of your life and i simply thew them away.
I'm nearly 30, i'm at maybe 1/3 of my life, i don't see really a way out
of my situation, the thought that i'll spend the rest of my like as a looser,
makes my seriously consider suicide as an option.