My Story

JeSs42790

Member
Hey, it's been a long time since i've been on here, and A LOT has happened. I have ungone hypnotherapy, gotten medication, and overcome a lot.

I have always been shy, but i was just diagnosed with social phobia , seperation anxiety, and depression, september of 2004. It was kind of a relief, like they way i was feeling, was ok, that others felt the same way. I was put on medication that had a paradoxal effect, it made everything worse. So for two months i was isolated, feeling sorry and hating myself, which is the WORST thing i could've done.

My first day back to school was one of the most hardest things i've ever had to do. But i made it through and began to adjust, adding more periods to my day, (i started with two and am now at five, which i will stay at for the remainder of the year). It was hard, i felt so alone because my friends had kinda pulled away, almost like they were afraid of me. All i wanted and still want, is a friend i can tell all this to, someone who i can "cling" to when things get rough at school. So in my desperate search i told those who i thought i could trust, my secret. But unfortunatly, i couldn't trust them, and rumors began to serculate on why i was leaving early from school (i can't physically and mentally stay the whole day, so i am on home instruction and leave everyday early) and what had happened while i was gone for almost three months. Some said i had cancer, aids, tuberculosis, any kind of disease you can think of they said i had.

That hurt, real bad, to be betrayed when i so needed someone to trust. I was so mad that i could be hurting so bad and my "friends" could do that to me. So i began leaving earlier and earlier, missing school for days at a time, which only aided in making others more curious and spread MORE rumors. I finally found a therapist who could help, and she has truly changed my life. She found the true problem that was causing my social phobia, sepration anxiety, and depression. When i was three i saw my poppop die, he had a heart attack in my living room. When they took him away in the ambulance, my mom and dad wouldn't let me come, i blamed myself of course, thinking if i had been there, i could've made him live, but NOW i know that is irrational. So my therapist thought hypno-therapy could help me to kind of realize these things and......WOW!

I wasn't put into a trance, just relaxed and asked to think of certain things. It did more then my medicine ever could, i feel like me again, it's so wonderful. I have learned to tune out the rumors, because my true friends take care if that for me, i have told a few others and they have kept my secret, watching out for me more then ever.

My advice for everyone, is this:

The worst thing to do is isolate yourself, pull away from society. I think i had to kinda hide away for awhile to realize how much i need to be around people, i think the loneliness got so bad that i felt dealing with the symptoms of social phobia would be worth it. I also think that i couldn't have gotten as far as i have without my one true friend, Jack. he's a 15.3 hand high thoroughbred/quarter horse who has always been there for me. I think that everyone should find that one thing that they truely love. For me, thats riding horses, i feel like my insecurities and flaws don't matter, that he sees me for who i truly am, and loves me, imperfections and all. I could ride in front of thousands of people and be uneffected, because i guess i love it so much, it doesn't matter what others think. When i think things are too hard, all i need to do is put my face in his neck and suddenly things don't seem all that bad.

I wish people could realize that what we have is a real problem, that cannot just go away. It is not something that can be overcome by just doing it once, it takes a long time, and a lot of courage to overcome it. Someday i hope that i will be free of it, but for now, i'm still trying.
 

BrownEyes

Active member
Great story and great message. I definitely believe that you need help in order to get over this condition. The irony of it all is that what we all fear the most is being open with people about our insecurities...

I'm definitely going back for counseling this fall. :)
 

Fighter86

Well-known member
Gd effort at conquering SA !!!!!

Thumbs up :D for being SOOO courageous. I too did quit school because of SA. I had just registered at a new environment & find adjusting hard. Wanted so much to leave. It is in stories like yours that help me hang on :lol: Keep us posted to how you are coping....
 

JeSs42790

Member
:D :D :D
Thx, and yea i would definitly go back to counsling. I thought i could do this by myself, but i only wasted two months trying. I know wut you mean about being scared of talkin about this, i was too scared because i thought it was just me being wierd, but it's NOT, it's a serious condition that if not treated, could lead to some pretty bad endings. Though to get good help, you need a good therapist, they should ALWAYS have a positive message, i knew my last one was not right because everytime i left, i felt worse then when i had first gone in. Thank you for sayin i'm courageous **BLUSH** no one has ever told me that!!
 

countrybumpkin

Active member
Jess , I have to say , your story is so inspiring that I feel better just having read it. I don't know if I could ever trust anyone enough to let them 'hypnotise' me but , if I ever get the chance , I will probably try it thanks to your story.You are indeed courageous for having taken the bull by the horns the way that you did . Bravo :D
 

Fighter86

Well-known member
Well, I have posted previously that I will try to cope with school. But well, all hell has broken lose & am going to seek deferment, well, that's another story..

What I wanted to ask you(Jess42790) was how exactly did the hypnotherapist work with you & how long it took to see improvement, etc...

I have been undergoing CBT, but my thoughts are quite starbborn & thus I don really see that much improvement. That's why I wanted to try out hypnotherapy. My thinking is this, if CBT seems not too effective because it is working through my non subconcious, then hypno might work since its working through my subconcious & even if I wanted to be starbborn, I cannot...thus, this might help my SA improve...
 

IcanDoIt

Well-known member
Fighter86 said:
Well, I have posted previously that I will try to cope with school. But well, all hell has broken lose & am going to seek deferment, well, that's another story..

What I wanted to ask you(Jess42790) was how exactly did the hypnotherapist work with you & how long it took to see improvement, etc...

I have been undergoing CBT, but my thoughts are quite starbborn & thus I don really see that much improvement. That's why I wanted to try out hypnotherapy. My thinking is this, if CBT seems not too effective because it is working through my non subconcious, then hypno might work since its working through my subconcious & even if I wanted to be starbborn, I cannot...thus, this might help my SA improve...

if you want things to occur in subconsiousness, the only thing you can do practice practice practice..
 
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