Hey, it's been a long time since i've been on here, and A LOT has happened. I have ungone hypnotherapy, gotten medication, and overcome a lot.
I have always been shy, but i was just diagnosed with social phobia , seperation anxiety, and depression, september of 2004. It was kind of a relief, like they way i was feeling, was ok, that others felt the same way. I was put on medication that had a paradoxal effect, it made everything worse. So for two months i was isolated, feeling sorry and hating myself, which is the WORST thing i could've done.
My first day back to school was one of the most hardest things i've ever had to do. But i made it through and began to adjust, adding more periods to my day, (i started with two and am now at five, which i will stay at for the remainder of the year). It was hard, i felt so alone because my friends had kinda pulled away, almost like they were afraid of me. All i wanted and still want, is a friend i can tell all this to, someone who i can "cling" to when things get rough at school. So in my desperate search i told those who i thought i could trust, my secret. But unfortunatly, i couldn't trust them, and rumors began to serculate on why i was leaving early from school (i can't physically and mentally stay the whole day, so i am on home instruction and leave everyday early) and what had happened while i was gone for almost three months. Some said i had cancer, aids, tuberculosis, any kind of disease you can think of they said i had.
That hurt, real bad, to be betrayed when i so needed someone to trust. I was so mad that i could be hurting so bad and my "friends" could do that to me. So i began leaving earlier and earlier, missing school for days at a time, which only aided in making others more curious and spread MORE rumors. I finally found a therapist who could help, and she has truly changed my life. She found the true problem that was causing my social phobia, sepration anxiety, and depression. When i was three i saw my poppop die, he had a heart attack in my living room. When they took him away in the ambulance, my mom and dad wouldn't let me come, i blamed myself of course, thinking if i had been there, i could've made him live, but NOW i know that is irrational. So my therapist thought hypno-therapy could help me to kind of realize these things and......WOW!
I wasn't put into a trance, just relaxed and asked to think of certain things. It did more then my medicine ever could, i feel like me again, it's so wonderful. I have learned to tune out the rumors, because my true friends take care if that for me, i have told a few others and they have kept my secret, watching out for me more then ever.
My advice for everyone, is this:
The worst thing to do is isolate yourself, pull away from society. I think i had to kinda hide away for awhile to realize how much i need to be around people, i think the loneliness got so bad that i felt dealing with the symptoms of social phobia would be worth it. I also think that i couldn't have gotten as far as i have without my one true friend, Jack. he's a 15.3 hand high thoroughbred/quarter horse who has always been there for me. I think that everyone should find that one thing that they truely love. For me, thats riding horses, i feel like my insecurities and flaws don't matter, that he sees me for who i truly am, and loves me, imperfections and all. I could ride in front of thousands of people and be uneffected, because i guess i love it so much, it doesn't matter what others think. When i think things are too hard, all i need to do is put my face in his neck and suddenly things don't seem all that bad.
I wish people could realize that what we have is a real problem, that cannot just go away. It is not something that can be overcome by just doing it once, it takes a long time, and a lot of courage to overcome it. Someday i hope that i will be free of it, but for now, i'm still trying.
I have always been shy, but i was just diagnosed with social phobia , seperation anxiety, and depression, september of 2004. It was kind of a relief, like they way i was feeling, was ok, that others felt the same way. I was put on medication that had a paradoxal effect, it made everything worse. So for two months i was isolated, feeling sorry and hating myself, which is the WORST thing i could've done.
My first day back to school was one of the most hardest things i've ever had to do. But i made it through and began to adjust, adding more periods to my day, (i started with two and am now at five, which i will stay at for the remainder of the year). It was hard, i felt so alone because my friends had kinda pulled away, almost like they were afraid of me. All i wanted and still want, is a friend i can tell all this to, someone who i can "cling" to when things get rough at school. So in my desperate search i told those who i thought i could trust, my secret. But unfortunatly, i couldn't trust them, and rumors began to serculate on why i was leaving early from school (i can't physically and mentally stay the whole day, so i am on home instruction and leave everyday early) and what had happened while i was gone for almost three months. Some said i had cancer, aids, tuberculosis, any kind of disease you can think of they said i had.
That hurt, real bad, to be betrayed when i so needed someone to trust. I was so mad that i could be hurting so bad and my "friends" could do that to me. So i began leaving earlier and earlier, missing school for days at a time, which only aided in making others more curious and spread MORE rumors. I finally found a therapist who could help, and she has truly changed my life. She found the true problem that was causing my social phobia, sepration anxiety, and depression. When i was three i saw my poppop die, he had a heart attack in my living room. When they took him away in the ambulance, my mom and dad wouldn't let me come, i blamed myself of course, thinking if i had been there, i could've made him live, but NOW i know that is irrational. So my therapist thought hypno-therapy could help me to kind of realize these things and......WOW!
I wasn't put into a trance, just relaxed and asked to think of certain things. It did more then my medicine ever could, i feel like me again, it's so wonderful. I have learned to tune out the rumors, because my true friends take care if that for me, i have told a few others and they have kept my secret, watching out for me more then ever.
My advice for everyone, is this:
The worst thing to do is isolate yourself, pull away from society. I think i had to kinda hide away for awhile to realize how much i need to be around people, i think the loneliness got so bad that i felt dealing with the symptoms of social phobia would be worth it. I also think that i couldn't have gotten as far as i have without my one true friend, Jack. he's a 15.3 hand high thoroughbred/quarter horse who has always been there for me. I think that everyone should find that one thing that they truely love. For me, thats riding horses, i feel like my insecurities and flaws don't matter, that he sees me for who i truly am, and loves me, imperfections and all. I could ride in front of thousands of people and be uneffected, because i guess i love it so much, it doesn't matter what others think. When i think things are too hard, all i need to do is put my face in his neck and suddenly things don't seem all that bad.
I wish people could realize that what we have is a real problem, that cannot just go away. It is not something that can be overcome by just doing it once, it takes a long time, and a lot of courage to overcome it. Someday i hope that i will be free of it, but for now, i'm still trying.
