Digitalordead
New member
Until the age of 16 I never had any real friends.
In school I was picked on and bullied and developed an overall sense of self-worthlessness.
Suicide attempts, OC tendencies and severe depression ensued.
So at 16 I decided to put on an act.
I made friends, I made an image and I even became popular in school.
It was a complete sham.
I'm 21 now and am just starting to understand the scope of what I've done.
I have nothing in common with the people I've said I'd die for.
I can't look in the mirror without pretending what I see belongs to someone else.
Worst of all I've lost my morals.
So now I'm trying to put my mental self back to when I was 16 and am struggling to relive the past chapter of my life in a manner that allows both happiness and satisfaction.
I've dropped connections to certain people around me and it hurts to fully realize just how alone I really am.
Anyway, the part I'm stuck at is my age.
I can't say that the past years have been terrible.. in fact parts were a fantasy come true.
None of it was me, though.
I'm now an adult and need to act like one in society but I honestly feel like I've been asleep for the past 5 years while I took over for someone else.
Now I'm back to being myself, yet I'm still indecisive and facing all these mental fears that I'd learned to ignore.
Any advice for a guy trying to start his life over?
In school I was picked on and bullied and developed an overall sense of self-worthlessness.
Suicide attempts, OC tendencies and severe depression ensued.
So at 16 I decided to put on an act.
I made friends, I made an image and I even became popular in school.
It was a complete sham.
I'm 21 now and am just starting to understand the scope of what I've done.
I have nothing in common with the people I've said I'd die for.
I can't look in the mirror without pretending what I see belongs to someone else.
Worst of all I've lost my morals.
So now I'm trying to put my mental self back to when I was 16 and am struggling to relive the past chapter of my life in a manner that allows both happiness and satisfaction.
I've dropped connections to certain people around me and it hurts to fully realize just how alone I really am.
Anyway, the part I'm stuck at is my age.
I can't say that the past years have been terrible.. in fact parts were a fantasy come true.
None of it was me, though.
I'm now an adult and need to act like one in society but I honestly feel like I've been asleep for the past 5 years while I took over for someone else.
Now I'm back to being myself, yet I'm still indecisive and facing all these mental fears that I'd learned to ignore.
Any advice for a guy trying to start his life over?