Hello my name is Joe i'm new here. i'm 30 years old currently living near salt lake city, Utah and this will be a long story about my life living with social anxiety from as early as i can remember so keep in mind this may be really long read.
My earliest memories is from when i was around 5-6 years old. I just started Kindergarten and i didn't know much because i never went to preschool i was already an outcast not knowing what hot or cold lunch was or simple things like that. Even as young as this i had the fear of talking to people. i remember when it hit me hard my teacher told us to sit down and she'll pass out paper and pencils and i must of just blanked that out i asked her for pencil and paper and she said sit down and i'll pass them out. I felt so stupid i was scared to say anything. not only was i scared of just talking it was making any kind of noise at all like sneezing coughing.
1st grade comes around and they notice the problem. so i start seeing a school councilor from time to time trying to help me. nothing really helped much my 2nd year of school came around and all of a sudden i was scared to talk to my councilor and she got mad at me... she started treating me bad, would give candy to other classmates right in front of me. it was horrible. even so i was making progress with my teacher i was even whispering in peoples ears but my parents got divorced her me and my brother and sister moved to LAS VEGAS. ah yes. good old Las vegas a great place for someone that is anti social.
so now in vegas 3rd grade rolls around and it starts all over again, i thought maybe it was a new beginning no one knows i didn't talk in my other school but it still happened i was afraid to talk to anyone and i mean literally talk, i'm not talking shy here i was afraid to say anything. this went on for years i saw a few bad councilors here and there i hated school so much people made fun of me. friends spread rumors that i sounded like a girl thats why i didn't talk. i am absolutely amazed i made it to 12th grade because school was so hard for me to learn. i could never ask for help, i was scared to use the chalk board or even turn in my papers at the front desk. i just could never concentrate one year i was almost held back but my mom talked them out of it. i was even considered joining the special kids class.
so middle of my 12th senior year, i'm failing there is no way i will graduate this year and no way i wanted to do another year my school councilor and i were talking and i told her i'd rather die then go to school so she called my mom had a meeting and i never went back to school. at this point i started seeing a professional therapist and she prescribed me medication, and also put me on disability which i have been on disability since i was 18. the medication never really did anything but give me side effects some i won't mention family forums but yeah it didn't made me happy at all. then one day i had a huge break down, i went crazy i couldn't stop moving around it was like my whole body itched but i couldn't scratch. i found out that i forgot to take pills for a few days and i had withdraws. it was a horrible experience and i wanted off meds since they wernt doing anything for me anyways.
this wasn't just a school problem, my fear of talking even went to not talking to my family members, cousins, grandmas, friends... yes i had friends that i didn't even talk to. have you ever heard someone laugh without making a sound? yeah that was me.
now that i'm 30 i have improved i do talk to people but really only when spoken to. i started back up on meds and counseling about 2 years ago because a friend really wanted me to. ( most likely so i could get enough courage to fly alone to see her) but i did manage it.
well i got off track here but i moved back to Quincy IL where i originally lived i stayed there for 4 years i moved cus my grandpa died and i had no friends anyways so i just moved back there to stay with my grandma. after a bunch of family drama i decided to move to utah with my brother and his wife. i've been here for just over a year and i have no made a single friend, no girlfriend, and it is depressing to say the least. i've been trying online dating sites i even resorted to a subscription to match but nothing yet. its hard to find someone that wants a guy that lives off social security doesn't drive and plays video games all day to pass the time.
i'm sure there was more i was going to say and tell but i think this is long enough now. i will frequent these forums and post in threads to help out or maybe help me out. i see the quote "you are not alone" but i feel alone. i have never met in person anyone like me... but then again it makes sense why would 2 anti social people ever meet each other you'd never know they were.
but anyways thanks for reading. - Joe (nephews call me Big Joe)
My earliest memories is from when i was around 5-6 years old. I just started Kindergarten and i didn't know much because i never went to preschool i was already an outcast not knowing what hot or cold lunch was or simple things like that. Even as young as this i had the fear of talking to people. i remember when it hit me hard my teacher told us to sit down and she'll pass out paper and pencils and i must of just blanked that out i asked her for pencil and paper and she said sit down and i'll pass them out. I felt so stupid i was scared to say anything. not only was i scared of just talking it was making any kind of noise at all like sneezing coughing.
1st grade comes around and they notice the problem. so i start seeing a school councilor from time to time trying to help me. nothing really helped much my 2nd year of school came around and all of a sudden i was scared to talk to my councilor and she got mad at me... she started treating me bad, would give candy to other classmates right in front of me. it was horrible. even so i was making progress with my teacher i was even whispering in peoples ears but my parents got divorced her me and my brother and sister moved to LAS VEGAS. ah yes. good old Las vegas a great place for someone that is anti social.
so now in vegas 3rd grade rolls around and it starts all over again, i thought maybe it was a new beginning no one knows i didn't talk in my other school but it still happened i was afraid to talk to anyone and i mean literally talk, i'm not talking shy here i was afraid to say anything. this went on for years i saw a few bad councilors here and there i hated school so much people made fun of me. friends spread rumors that i sounded like a girl thats why i didn't talk. i am absolutely amazed i made it to 12th grade because school was so hard for me to learn. i could never ask for help, i was scared to use the chalk board or even turn in my papers at the front desk. i just could never concentrate one year i was almost held back but my mom talked them out of it. i was even considered joining the special kids class.
so middle of my 12th senior year, i'm failing there is no way i will graduate this year and no way i wanted to do another year my school councilor and i were talking and i told her i'd rather die then go to school so she called my mom had a meeting and i never went back to school. at this point i started seeing a professional therapist and she prescribed me medication, and also put me on disability which i have been on disability since i was 18. the medication never really did anything but give me side effects some i won't mention family forums but yeah it didn't made me happy at all. then one day i had a huge break down, i went crazy i couldn't stop moving around it was like my whole body itched but i couldn't scratch. i found out that i forgot to take pills for a few days and i had withdraws. it was a horrible experience and i wanted off meds since they wernt doing anything for me anyways.
this wasn't just a school problem, my fear of talking even went to not talking to my family members, cousins, grandmas, friends... yes i had friends that i didn't even talk to. have you ever heard someone laugh without making a sound? yeah that was me.
now that i'm 30 i have improved i do talk to people but really only when spoken to. i started back up on meds and counseling about 2 years ago because a friend really wanted me to. ( most likely so i could get enough courage to fly alone to see her) but i did manage it.
well i got off track here but i moved back to Quincy IL where i originally lived i stayed there for 4 years i moved cus my grandpa died and i had no friends anyways so i just moved back there to stay with my grandma. after a bunch of family drama i decided to move to utah with my brother and his wife. i've been here for just over a year and i have no made a single friend, no girlfriend, and it is depressing to say the least. i've been trying online dating sites i even resorted to a subscription to match but nothing yet. its hard to find someone that wants a guy that lives off social security doesn't drive and plays video games all day to pass the time.
i'm sure there was more i was going to say and tell but i think this is long enough now. i will frequent these forums and post in threads to help out or maybe help me out. i see the quote "you are not alone" but i feel alone. i have never met in person anyone like me... but then again it makes sense why would 2 anti social people ever meet each other you'd never know they were.
but anyways thanks for reading. - Joe (nephews call me Big Joe)