ces4r87
Well-known member
Ok, so here's my story. Please, no mean comments. I'm already an emotional wreck. So up until the sixth grade, I was normal. Yes, a bit shy but normal nonetheless. I had friends, and I was part of life, if u get my drift. Seventh grade came along, and this was around the time my parents split up. I was in the same school, but with many new classmates. I guess the lottery wasn't on my side and I ended up with strangers. All my other friends ended up in another class together, lucky them. I barely saw now, not even at lunch time. That's when I started feeling lonely. The small shyness I felt before grew without boundaries. I wouldn't talk to anybody, and I came off as weird to my classmates. Of course, there were bullies, which started to make me terrified of going to school. So the years went by and the shyness grew. The question, "Why are you so quiet?" became more frequent. I never had anything to say to that. In high school it got event worst. I changed cities and schools. I didnt know anybody. There werent any bullies here, the people were alot nicer, which might've actually worstened my condition. I was given so much attention, and THE question just wouldn't stop and I never had an answer. I sat alone and I was always alone, many kids still trying to break my walls, but I didnt let them. It wasnt because I hated the world, just because I didnt know what to say or do. The shyness always blanked my mind. I started not to care. I started to like being alone. I was doing great in my school work, so what else mattered? So I finished high school alone. Now it was time for college. I felt the need for friends, so I decided I was gonna change, but it was impossible. I couldnt do it, so I started not to care again. I was to remain alone, focus on my school work. This time it wasnt gonna be so easy. These college classes required major participation. Lots of interaction was needed. And wen I needed help, I was extremely hesitant to ask anybody, even the professors. My grades took a major drop. I lost my scholarship. I tried to get my license and failed because I got way too nervous. and I was never able to get a good job because the shyness got on the way of everything. I just worked in factories during the summer for minimum wage. Junior year came, and I had wasted my summer's earnings on tuition and books. I had high plans on improving my school work. First day of class, philosophy class, destiny sits the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen next to me. Things get at least a tiny bit better from here. The professor partners us together. We have to interview ourselves and tell the class about each other. From somewhere, I was able to find the strength and actually go through with it. We asked each other simple questions and told the class, not so hard. The thing about this girl is that she would always ask me things. I always just gave a simple or 1 word answer, and when my mind went blank, I just said I dont know. That "I dont know" that was always greeted by the greatest of looks, she always recieved it with a smile. Everytime I said the smallest of things, she would smile and giggle, making me feel good about myself. When the semester was almost over she imformed me that we were in another class together next semester with the friendliest of looks. This girl never asked me THE question. She just saw me as a normal guy. I never got the idea that she liked me more than as a friend cuz I knew she had a boyfriend. This girl was just too nice. She was unique. The next semester rolled by in the same manner. small conversations, and smiles. About a week before the end of the semester, she breaks up with her boyfriend, and all my hopes fly up in the air! Especially when she commented my facebook wall with a simple hey. But as the semester fades, I panic and am unable to do anything.(just so u kno, i've never had a gf before). The semester finishes, and all i have is her as a friend on facebook. I have the usual long summer, working, saving up for the next semester. On my birthday, she writes on my wall on facebook. Not only a birthday wish, but she also informs me that destiny has put us in another class. We have now reached the present. I am in my senior year. and things have gotten so much worst. We are in a class together, the thing is that this class is mostly all discussion. When the professor asks me to contribute, my mind goes blank and I look like an idiot. Not only is this hurting my grade, but also this girl's image of me. Im know she still single, but it has gotten so much harder to approach her now. Two days ago, she actually smiled at me, but I just kept walking. I think she is now starting to see how strange I am. The mere thought of this makes me feel so depressed. The strength I had found to get me through small conversations is now completely gone. I cant stop thinking about this girl. I think Im in love. Is it love? or is it just an obsession. I think she might be the encouragement I need. Can anyone give me any advice? what should I do? I have nothing to offer. No car, no Job, always broke. All I have is my heart. How can I approach her? And how do I go about looking for jobs. I really need really good internships since im about to gradute. and since my gpa is low as least I think it is (2.8). I feel worthless and I really feel like my future is doomed. HELP! Thanx for your time!!! : )
