DramaPrincess
New member
Hi everyone,
I have really bad OCD, but mine is actually mostly centered around certain diseases (I'm not sure if that's normal or not). I worry mostly about HIV and herpes.
I have suffered with this for years (since high school), and it got so bad that I was crying all the time and even suicidal. I always have 'exposures' and then I'm sure I'm infected (with whichever of the two I'm obsessing about at the time). I get tests and I'm negative, and then I'm fine for a little while, but it starts all over again.
I was free for a few years, because I was taking Luvox. It stopped working, and I had bad side effects (tired ALL the time and actually fallign asleep in class even though I had gotten 8 hours of sleep the night before or more, not being able to take the heat, and feeling like my muscles were all really tired if I had even half of a glass of an alcoholic beverage). I decided to stop taking it, but then I reached rock bottom again.
For one, I had my belly button pierced about four weeks ago. A few days later, I developed some swollen glands. I became SURE that I was infected with HIV, no matter what anyone told me about body piercing being an extremely remote to non-existent risk. The piercer even assured me that she usd a new needle and jewelry, but I'm afraid she was lying and I'll be the first documented case.
I'm also always convinced that I have herpes. I find 'symptoms' on myself and I've had numerous negative blood tests. I made my last parter get tested too and he was negative, but I think he might be lying about when he last had sex, and then maybe his test wasn't accurate yet. I have no reason to believe he is lying, but I can't help it. I've gone to the doctor so many times for things that I'm sure is herpes, and I feel like my life is over. I cry like crazy, shake, get sick to my stomach, and lose weight.
I constantly search the Internet for reassurance (along with my doctor visits and tests), and if I find anything that suggests I might have herpes, I freak out. I bookmark all of the pages that say the things I want to hear though.
Anyway, I'm starting the Luvox again, and working up to twice the dose (before I was only on 50 mg, which supposedly isn't even a clinical dose, but it worked for awhile).
I also obsess about my hair and constantly dye it, and I have counting rituals, but obviously those aren't affecting me like this is.
I read in a textbook that OCD is the most mild of all of the anxiety disorders...huh?! That's definitely not anywhere near true in my case...I have considered suicide before because it has gotten so unbearable, and I'm sure that I'm diseased.
I have really bad OCD, but mine is actually mostly centered around certain diseases (I'm not sure if that's normal or not). I worry mostly about HIV and herpes.
I have suffered with this for years (since high school), and it got so bad that I was crying all the time and even suicidal. I always have 'exposures' and then I'm sure I'm infected (with whichever of the two I'm obsessing about at the time). I get tests and I'm negative, and then I'm fine for a little while, but it starts all over again.
I was free for a few years, because I was taking Luvox. It stopped working, and I had bad side effects (tired ALL the time and actually fallign asleep in class even though I had gotten 8 hours of sleep the night before or more, not being able to take the heat, and feeling like my muscles were all really tired if I had even half of a glass of an alcoholic beverage). I decided to stop taking it, but then I reached rock bottom again.
For one, I had my belly button pierced about four weeks ago. A few days later, I developed some swollen glands. I became SURE that I was infected with HIV, no matter what anyone told me about body piercing being an extremely remote to non-existent risk. The piercer even assured me that she usd a new needle and jewelry, but I'm afraid she was lying and I'll be the first documented case.
I'm also always convinced that I have herpes. I find 'symptoms' on myself and I've had numerous negative blood tests. I made my last parter get tested too and he was negative, but I think he might be lying about when he last had sex, and then maybe his test wasn't accurate yet. I have no reason to believe he is lying, but I can't help it. I've gone to the doctor so many times for things that I'm sure is herpes, and I feel like my life is over. I cry like crazy, shake, get sick to my stomach, and lose weight.
I constantly search the Internet for reassurance (along with my doctor visits and tests), and if I find anything that suggests I might have herpes, I freak out. I bookmark all of the pages that say the things I want to hear though.
Anyway, I'm starting the Luvox again, and working up to twice the dose (before I was only on 50 mg, which supposedly isn't even a clinical dose, but it worked for awhile).
I also obsess about my hair and constantly dye it, and I have counting rituals, but obviously those aren't affecting me like this is.
I read in a textbook that OCD is the most mild of all of the anxiety disorders...huh?! That's definitely not anywhere near true in my case...I have considered suicide before because it has gotten so unbearable, and I'm sure that I'm diseased.
