bulldog21083
Well-known member
I'm 24 years old and I have been very shy most of my life. Although I think ever since 10th grade was when it started to get a lot more noticable. In elementary school I did get bullied, but I also still had friends. In middle school I wasn't bullied as much, but had a few more friends than I did in high school. My best friend that I had known all my life went to a different school, so that made things tougher too. In eighth grade I was voted "shyest" in the yearbook. My parents pointed out that "yes you're shy, but if you got voted the shyest, than obvisouly people know you, so that's kind of a good thing". Another funny thing about it is the girl that got voted "shyest" that year really broke out of her shell in high school. She was still a little quiet, but was a cheerleader and was on the Homecoming Court her Senior year.
I think 10th grade was where eveything started to kind of go down hill. I had a pretty good group of friends, but then I was the first one to get a job. I worked pretty much every weekend, so while they all went out, I was stuck at work. I kind of got more and more distant from the group because of this and I felt left out. I was still friends with them all at school, but just never really did anything socially cause of work. Most of the people I worked with were several years older than me as well, so didn't really make any friends there. I felt like I may have actually made quite a bit of progress my senior year in high school. I still didn't have a lot of friends in high school, but I worked at a movie theatre and made a lot of good work friends there. I talked a lot and was flirting with a girl I really like, she flirted back too. I asked her if she wanted to go to prom with me, but she turned me down (I can't remember the reason, but I think after she gave me the reason she said she didn't have a boyfriend, and for some reason I didn't pursue the relationship any further.) After awhile I got pretty frustrated. There was another girl that I liked and she liked me and everyone said we would make a good couple, but she still liked her ex boyfriend and so nothing ever developed.
Then I graduated high school and went to a small community college for a year. It was more of the same, didn't really make any new friends. There was a girl in one of my classes that I really liked and I could tell she liked me. So we worked together on a paper during class. We were hitting it off pretty good, so I asked her out one day after class, but she had a boyfriend, so this really confused me. I felt like if she had a boyfriend why was she being so friendly with me? After that we still talked and everything, we were still working on that paper together. I worked at a Wal-Mart only a couple of blocks away from her house, so she asked me if I wanted to stop by her house after work to finish the paper. I did, I felt like everything went fairly well (but again, she had a boyfriend, so it was kind of weird that she invited me too her house, we still didn't know eachother THAT well, but here parents were home). After that there was only about a month left of class. After the class was over I saw her around the campus a couple times, she asked me what English class I was taking next semester, I was going to take the same one as her with the same teacher, but I ended up getting a different time. After that I didn't really see her around and then I was done with school for the summer. I saw her at some point in the summer while I was working at Wal-Mart and we talked for a couple minutes, but again, she still had a boyfriend so what was I supposed to do?
That summer and fall I just worked about 30-35 hours a week and the only thing I did socially was hang out with my friend, and we never really did anything except hang out at one of our houses or go to a movie or the mall or something.
That fall I joined the military. After bootcamp I reported to my first duty station in the midwest. It was my first time being away from home and the first couple months were somewhat tough. I really missed my family, but for the first time in my life I made friends pretty quickly after a couple weeks. I worked directly with 7 other guys and we lived over in the barracks together, so that's probably why. I became really close with 4 of them and had a great time. I was still the shyest one of the group, but I still talked and joked around quite a bit. After I got to know them pretty well they admitted they did think I was kind of "weird" at first because I didn't talk a whole lot, but they said I opened up quite a bit since then. By that fall 2 of them transferred, and one of the had a pretty serious girlfriend, so me and the other guy became real good friends (the best friend I've ever had). Then that following year he got into a serious relationship and I moved into an apartment off base, so we didn't hang out nearly as much as we used to, but we would usually still hang out at least once a month. I became friends with his girlfriend and her brother and a couple of his friends, but the only time I hung out with them was when I was with my friend from the military. The next summer got a little better, some new guys reported to work and once again I had a good group of friends. Finally my 4th and last year in that city really came together, especially the last 6 months. A few friends moved away, but I didn't hang out with them a whole lot outside of work. By this time I was pretty good friends with my friend's girlfriend (I still didn't talk to her on the phone or hang out with her when my friend wasn't around). Then it was time for me to transfer, so it was my last 8 months in that city. I finally started hanging out with my friend's girlfriend's brother and his friends a little more and I really started to open up around them. They didn't have much luck with girls either, but they made more of an effort than I did. So my last few months were great, I had the best friends I've ever had and ever will have. There was a total of 4 other guys and 3 girls. We all pretty much went out drinking every Friday and/or Saturday my last two months. I wasn't incredibly close with the girls in the group just cause I didn't know what to talk about, but I still did make small talk with them. So overall I finally felt like I had a great group of friends, I was happy at work, I think it was the happiest I had been in my life. I figured if I kept going out with all them maybe eventually I meet the right girl.
So this past summer I had to transfer to the east coast, where I knew absolutly no one. I was definitly depressed, It took me 4 years to finally break out of my shell and now I have to transfer to a new city and start all over. I have been here for 3 months and still haven't made any real friends, despite the fact that I work with 45 people, 20 are around my age. I just don't know what to talk about and everyone seems to think I have no sense of humor. I don't smile a lot, but I'm not as serious as everyone thinks I am. I have that smart, kind of nerdy look to me I guess even though I just have average intelligence.
So my problem is I feel like the best years of my life are behind me. I've never had a girlfriend and the older I get the harder it seems to get. Girls just don't seem to be interested in me and it doesn't help that I'm not good at "breaking the ice". I think my biggest problem might have been from the lack of friends and a social life in high school. I recently found out the friend I hung out with the most in high school is gay. I know it sounds stupid, but I never really realized this till a couple years ago. He always had girlfriends in school and I met them, but when I asked him to set me up with some of his girlfriend's friends, he never would. Maybe this is part of my problem, since he was gay, we never really talked about girls or anything like that. As a result I didn't "learn" how to talk to women. Now that I'm older (24) it's like I am way behind. I feel like it's like how an animal has to learn how to hunt for it's food from it's parents. Then if it doesn't learn by a certain age, it will never learn and it will starve to death.
So right now have been living on the east coast for the past 3 months in an apartment by myself with no family within 10 hours. I like some of the people at work and I try to talk with them, but I just don't have much to talk about. The whole group is so close with each other that I feel like an outsider. They talk about stuff that has happened before I came here, so how am I supposed to join into that conversation. I haven't been out at all while I've lived here, so the chances of me meeting a girl are very slim. But without friends, how am I supposed to go out to meet people? I've tried the online dating thing but haven't had much luck.
I don't really like this city that much, I'm not used to living in a small town. I just can't wait till my 3 years here are up and then hopefully I can move back to Wisconsin (where I had the best 4 years of my life) where I feel like I actually belonged there.
(Sorry for the long post, but that felt good to get that ll out
) Thanks for listening.
I think 10th grade was where eveything started to kind of go down hill. I had a pretty good group of friends, but then I was the first one to get a job. I worked pretty much every weekend, so while they all went out, I was stuck at work. I kind of got more and more distant from the group because of this and I felt left out. I was still friends with them all at school, but just never really did anything socially cause of work. Most of the people I worked with were several years older than me as well, so didn't really make any friends there. I felt like I may have actually made quite a bit of progress my senior year in high school. I still didn't have a lot of friends in high school, but I worked at a movie theatre and made a lot of good work friends there. I talked a lot and was flirting with a girl I really like, she flirted back too. I asked her if she wanted to go to prom with me, but she turned me down (I can't remember the reason, but I think after she gave me the reason she said she didn't have a boyfriend, and for some reason I didn't pursue the relationship any further.) After awhile I got pretty frustrated. There was another girl that I liked and she liked me and everyone said we would make a good couple, but she still liked her ex boyfriend and so nothing ever developed.
Then I graduated high school and went to a small community college for a year. It was more of the same, didn't really make any new friends. There was a girl in one of my classes that I really liked and I could tell she liked me. So we worked together on a paper during class. We were hitting it off pretty good, so I asked her out one day after class, but she had a boyfriend, so this really confused me. I felt like if she had a boyfriend why was she being so friendly with me? After that we still talked and everything, we were still working on that paper together. I worked at a Wal-Mart only a couple of blocks away from her house, so she asked me if I wanted to stop by her house after work to finish the paper. I did, I felt like everything went fairly well (but again, she had a boyfriend, so it was kind of weird that she invited me too her house, we still didn't know eachother THAT well, but here parents were home). After that there was only about a month left of class. After the class was over I saw her around the campus a couple times, she asked me what English class I was taking next semester, I was going to take the same one as her with the same teacher, but I ended up getting a different time. After that I didn't really see her around and then I was done with school for the summer. I saw her at some point in the summer while I was working at Wal-Mart and we talked for a couple minutes, but again, she still had a boyfriend so what was I supposed to do?
That summer and fall I just worked about 30-35 hours a week and the only thing I did socially was hang out with my friend, and we never really did anything except hang out at one of our houses or go to a movie or the mall or something.
That fall I joined the military. After bootcamp I reported to my first duty station in the midwest. It was my first time being away from home and the first couple months were somewhat tough. I really missed my family, but for the first time in my life I made friends pretty quickly after a couple weeks. I worked directly with 7 other guys and we lived over in the barracks together, so that's probably why. I became really close with 4 of them and had a great time. I was still the shyest one of the group, but I still talked and joked around quite a bit. After I got to know them pretty well they admitted they did think I was kind of "weird" at first because I didn't talk a whole lot, but they said I opened up quite a bit since then. By that fall 2 of them transferred, and one of the had a pretty serious girlfriend, so me and the other guy became real good friends (the best friend I've ever had). Then that following year he got into a serious relationship and I moved into an apartment off base, so we didn't hang out nearly as much as we used to, but we would usually still hang out at least once a month. I became friends with his girlfriend and her brother and a couple of his friends, but the only time I hung out with them was when I was with my friend from the military. The next summer got a little better, some new guys reported to work and once again I had a good group of friends. Finally my 4th and last year in that city really came together, especially the last 6 months. A few friends moved away, but I didn't hang out with them a whole lot outside of work. By this time I was pretty good friends with my friend's girlfriend (I still didn't talk to her on the phone or hang out with her when my friend wasn't around). Then it was time for me to transfer, so it was my last 8 months in that city. I finally started hanging out with my friend's girlfriend's brother and his friends a little more and I really started to open up around them. They didn't have much luck with girls either, but they made more of an effort than I did. So my last few months were great, I had the best friends I've ever had and ever will have. There was a total of 4 other guys and 3 girls. We all pretty much went out drinking every Friday and/or Saturday my last two months. I wasn't incredibly close with the girls in the group just cause I didn't know what to talk about, but I still did make small talk with them. So overall I finally felt like I had a great group of friends, I was happy at work, I think it was the happiest I had been in my life. I figured if I kept going out with all them maybe eventually I meet the right girl.
So this past summer I had to transfer to the east coast, where I knew absolutly no one. I was definitly depressed, It took me 4 years to finally break out of my shell and now I have to transfer to a new city and start all over. I have been here for 3 months and still haven't made any real friends, despite the fact that I work with 45 people, 20 are around my age. I just don't know what to talk about and everyone seems to think I have no sense of humor. I don't smile a lot, but I'm not as serious as everyone thinks I am. I have that smart, kind of nerdy look to me I guess even though I just have average intelligence.
So my problem is I feel like the best years of my life are behind me. I've never had a girlfriend and the older I get the harder it seems to get. Girls just don't seem to be interested in me and it doesn't help that I'm not good at "breaking the ice". I think my biggest problem might have been from the lack of friends and a social life in high school. I recently found out the friend I hung out with the most in high school is gay. I know it sounds stupid, but I never really realized this till a couple years ago. He always had girlfriends in school and I met them, but when I asked him to set me up with some of his girlfriend's friends, he never would. Maybe this is part of my problem, since he was gay, we never really talked about girls or anything like that. As a result I didn't "learn" how to talk to women. Now that I'm older (24) it's like I am way behind. I feel like it's like how an animal has to learn how to hunt for it's food from it's parents. Then if it doesn't learn by a certain age, it will never learn and it will starve to death.
So right now have been living on the east coast for the past 3 months in an apartment by myself with no family within 10 hours. I like some of the people at work and I try to talk with them, but I just don't have much to talk about. The whole group is so close with each other that I feel like an outsider. They talk about stuff that has happened before I came here, so how am I supposed to join into that conversation. I haven't been out at all while I've lived here, so the chances of me meeting a girl are very slim. But without friends, how am I supposed to go out to meet people? I've tried the online dating thing but haven't had much luck.
I don't really like this city that much, I'm not used to living in a small town. I just can't wait till my 3 years here are up and then hopefully I can move back to Wisconsin (where I had the best 4 years of my life) where I feel like I actually belonged there.
(Sorry for the long post, but that felt good to get that ll out
) Thanks for listening.
