Okay I wrote a huge post on this but my browser crashed and I lost the whole thing so Im going to make this breif. 
My self-image is severely warped by my mental disorders. I think of myself in terms of my "failures" and my weird behavior, even things which I did 12 years ago! I think of myself as a weirdo and a failure who has not, and does not, act like a normal person should. To support this belief I constantly remind myself of my "terrible" failture to embrace the things I presently value or enjoy, or which normal people are "supposed" to do, until "too" late in life. However, most of these behaviors are not things to base my self-esteem on, and now that I think of it, I ACTUALLY wanted to do them for years before I started to. I didn't do them BECAUSE MY ANXIETY HELD ME BACK! Here is a short list...
Here is a short list of some of the weird things my disorders cause(d) me to do. I evaluate my self-image in terms of my propensity to engage in these activities, even though they have nothing to do with my PERSONALITY!
Finaly, I now realize that I have NEVER done ANY of the things I consider to be very loserish other than the ones I listed above or in my previous post on my worst "defects". The things I do which are dorky, nerdy, or weird, I am usualy proud of and don't care what others think. Here's a list...
Therefore, in light of the above evidence, I conclude that...
1. I am not now, nor have I ever been a weird, creepy, or loserish person. ("weird" to me imlpies unacceptably strange)
2. My anxiety disorders have often caused me inadvertantly or involuntarily, to think and act in weird, creepy, and loserish ways.
3. I am odd in a number of ways which I don't mind.
My self-image is severely warped by my mental disorders. I think of myself in terms of my "failures" and my weird behavior, even things which I did 12 years ago! I think of myself as a weirdo and a failure who has not, and does not, act like a normal person should. To support this belief I constantly remind myself of my "terrible" failture to embrace the things I presently value or enjoy, or which normal people are "supposed" to do, until "too" late in life. However, most of these behaviors are not things to base my self-esteem on, and now that I think of it, I ACTUALLY wanted to do them for years before I started to. I didn't do them BECAUSE MY ANXIETY HELD ME BACK! Here is a short list...
.
Here is a short list of some of the weird things my disorders cause(d) me to do. I evaluate my self-image in terms of my propensity to engage in these activities, even though they have nothing to do with my PERSONALITY!
.1. Dressing in weird, dorky clothing in middle school and during 11th and 12th grade.
2. Not taking care of my personal hygiene in 6th - 7th grade.
3. Jerking off compulsively.
4. Jerking off to a sick, violent fetish. (not from anxiety disorder per se but related)
5. Isolating myself in my room all day.
6. Saying or doing very insensitive, socialy inappropriate things
Finaly, I now realize that I have NEVER done ANY of the things I consider to be very loserish other than the ones I listed above or in my previous post on my worst "defects". The things I do which are dorky, nerdy, or weird, I am usualy proud of and don't care what others think. Here's a list...
Therefore, in light of the above evidence, I conclude that...
1. I am not now, nor have I ever been a weird, creepy, or loserish person. ("weird" to me imlpies unacceptably strange)
2. My anxiety disorders have often caused me inadvertantly or involuntarily, to think and act in weird, creepy, and loserish ways.
3. I am odd in a number of ways which I don't mind.
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