My online journey journal

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
I am so divided about making art with AI tech. Part of me loves it and part of me thinks it’s the bringing on of the anti christ. Why can’t anything be easy anymore. Like in the 80’s when the biggest choice you had was what kind of trapper keeper to buy for school LOL
 
I am so divided about making art with AI tech. Part of me loves it and part of me thinks it’s the bringing on of the anti christ. Why can’t anything be easy anymore. Like in the 80’s when the biggest choice you had was what kind of trapper keeper to buy for school LOL
I just feel so sorry for the massive amount of people who are going to be made redundant in their jobs because of the amazingly quick developments with AI over the past few months. :(

It funny how many of us couldn't wait to finish school, but then after a few years, all you are wishing for is to travel back in time and would give anything to go back to when you were still in school. 😩
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Good news and bad news. There’s been a hiccup in my insurance coverage and they need to reinstate it with a new CCO or some insurance jargon because I moved to a new county. So I can’t pay for my last two therapy visits till that is fixed. Also no more doctors visits in general till its worked out. Probably will take two weeks with the holiday coming up on the fourth everything will be delayed. Another reason to dislike holidays.
I am hoping that they don’t pull my coverage completely as that would be the worst case scenario, but that’s how my mind works always going for the throat with the wonderful possibilities of life, or my life anyways. Therapy has been almost as helpful as the physical things I am fixing at this point in my life, it’s definitely become very key. I hate talking about myself 100% don’t like the spotlight being on me have zero desire to be famous or even rich etc… The reason therapy is so hard is the talking about myself. I don’t even make myself interesting, or tell colorful and animated stories like so many people do when they talk about themselves. I am humble and introverted to a fault in that regard. I also have my self deprecating sense of humor when anyone pays me any kind of compliment, at least when I suspect there’s an alt motive, which there almost always is. Like my therapist has told me twice that I am very smart. I looked her straight in the eye and said “I don’t think I am though, why do you say this?” She said that it was because I was such a good listener and that I seemed to really be taking in all the information very well. Is being a good listener a sign of intelligence though or do I listen because I don’t want to be talking? I do listen well but do I take the information and use it? These are my questions and I know the answers to them. I don’t think I am very smart because I am not changing the things I need to in order to improve myself. That is the problem with me. I can sit and listen and even take notes but there’s crickets when I try to implement things. But then again I am my own worst enemy and critic. That’s were the AS diagnosis comes into play. Being neurodivergent is really ringing true with me the more I learn about how it presents itself in females particularly, as it is very different and much less studied than in males. There’s a who list of over 50 symptoms that are specifically present in females than males, or at least it’s a more focused to females list of symptoms that is fairy new to the studies being done. I will pin it here if I remember and can find it. Some of them were so on point, like doing my hair has never been a thing for me. I even struggled to brush my hair when I was little and I would get this huge wind knot in the back because my hair was long and fine and would tangle so easy. I spent most of my time outside with my brothers or preferred the company of boys, another female symptom. I relate to animals more than people and highly prefer their company, that’s also on the list. I need to get tested as soon as I get my insurance updated. I think that would answer so many questions for me.
On a happy healthy note, went for a 4 mile bike ride, the longest yet and had no problem physically plus I could have gone further even. Saw a lot of birds, mostly woodpeckers-three different kinds. I am diggin this new used bike it is very comfortable and easy to ride. I definitely want to upgrade to a newer hybrid next season but this one is just perfect for the entry level back into riding again. I updated the seat to a more padded one and got a water bottle holder for it. I am slowly becoming sporty 😆
 

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MollyBeGood

Well-known member
**I hate my user name on here bc it has nothing to do with drugs but I also don’t want to change it again. I literally put zero thought in creating it just the first thing that came to mind. Oh well.

also the air quality has been so bad in the part of the world that being outside is making me feel sick. Actually it also gets inside the house too, like when you open the garage door or sliding glass doors it gets in. I have developed health problems from yrs of being around all the wildfire smoke. I see a lot of people don’t take it seriously and think they are tough, which was me at one point. But then my system got overloaded by too many toxins from it. Now I am in the Sensitive group, and can only be outside when it’s Green and Good air ratings. I use to live outside and work outside hardly ever stayed indoors. It’s amazing how much things have changed. Never saw any of this coming in a million yrs. Where we used to live they had an air quality rating that was into the Hazardous zone, toxic to everyone, but they didn’t cancel a football game at a local college. Everyone sat and watched outside, chocking on all the smoke because they thought they were immune to it apparently not to mention the guys playing in it. They probably did serious damage to their bodies from that one game. I noticed they just cancelled a hugely popular horse race here for reasons of toxic air quality from Canada fires. That’s good, spare the horses please. I can’t believe what NYC looked like a few weeks ago! IMG_3380.jpeg
 

lily

Well-known member
**I hate my user name on here bc it has nothing to do with drugs but I also don’t want to change it again. I literally put zero thought in creating it just the first thing that came to mind. Oh well.

also the air quality has been so bad in the part of the world that being outside is making me feel sick. Actually it also gets inside the house too, like when you open the garage door or sliding glass doors it gets in. I have developed health problems from yrs of being around all the wildfire smoke. I see a lot of people don’t take it seriously and think they are tough, which was me at one point. But then my system got overloaded by too many toxins from it. Now I am in the Sensitive group, and can only be outside when it’s Green and Good air ratings. I use to live outside and work outside hardly ever stayed indoors. It’s amazing how much things have changed. Never saw any of this coming in a million yrs. Where we used to live they had an air quality rating that was into the Hazardous zone, toxic to everyone, but they didn’t cancel a football game at a local college. Everyone sat and watched outside, chocking on all the smoke because they thought they were immune to it apparently not to mention the guys playing in it. They probably did serious damage to their bodies from that one game. I noticed they just cancelled a hugely popular horse race here for reasons of toxic air quality from Canada fires. That’s good, spare the horses please. I can’t believe what NYC looked like a few weeks ago! View attachment 6125
I also later hated my username which I chose like you because it was the first uncreative thing that came to my mind and I am not creative so I changed it. I feel for you!
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
I also later hated my username which I chose like you because it was the first uncreative thing that came to my mind and I am not creative so I changed it. I feel for you!
I like yours now, it’s very pretty. If I change mine again I will look crazier than I already do, so I will just deal with looking like a druggie I guess 😩
 

lily

Well-known member
I like yours now, it’s very pretty. If I change mine again I will look crazier than I already do, so I will just deal with looking like a druggie I guess 😩
aw, thanks. It's ok if you don't change your username for me because I didn't even know it was a name for druggies. I like the name Molly, it's cute.
 

lily

Well-known member
Not only that, my name before was very common, I'm surprised no one used it already and people could've mistaken me for someone else.
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Haven’t written in a while here.

It’s windy today, gusty and the air quality alert is apparently on again for sensitive groups. Perfect for my friend agoraphobia to just continue on now for the last month plus. My insurance lapsed and I haven’t seen my therapist lady in over a month as well, conveniently coinciding with that event loss..
But I have been pretty productive with getting some gigs going on Etsy and another couple sites starting new creative projects with the software I was able to finally invest in. That feels great. Need to get some income streams coming in.
So not all bad, some wins some losses this July-Aug.
Staying hydrated, not eating too much crap and exercising a bit is minimum, but still glad I am able to do those things. Oh my sleep cycle had been so crazy though. Like I am full on switched up to awake at night now 100% totally messed up! Trying to make the best of that as well. My dad was a night owl I definitely take after him there.

I am looking forward to cooler weather I just don’t think I am a summer person. Like it was raining all day a few days ago and I was so happy. I guess I have a gloomy soul. I am literally more depressed on sunny days. Oh well.. life is about learning to love and accept yourself so I am ok with being a rain loving night owl chicka.
 
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