Dread_Nerd
New member
Hi everyone,
Not sure where to start with this.... but here goes.
About 10 or 11 years ago, my mother (who was in her late forties), my mother was made redundant at work. At that time, she, although suffering from anxiety (has done for many many years) was able to deal with it, get to work everyday, socialise with people there (she is a real people person)... but losing her job really knocked her for six, and although she tried applying for other jobs, and even taking up a basic I.T course to get her up to speed with computers, she started to slip into a depression, where everything became an effort, she'd drink more (as more time on her hands) and her cigarette intake went up tenfold. This went on for many months, and to be honest, myself and my dad were pretty crap at noticing anything was up. Maybe we were too close to notice, I dont know.
Anyway, we were having trouble with neighbours, they were causing alot of havoc, making threats, the police were called out almost every night, it got to the point where we were frightened of living in what use to be a friendly, quite and civilised road! So my folks put the house up for sale, and a fewmonths later we moved away into rent accomodation. I guess moving is quite stressful! I stayed for a few months then moved into London...popping back every few weeks. i think it was only then, once I'd stepped out of that scenario, did I really begin to notice that there were problems. I tried to deal with them, in a clumsy manner...by mentioning to my mum that she should try to get out more (walks, shops, join a local club, adult education etc etc). that went down like a lead balloon, and she just screamed at me to mind my own business. My dad and her would only ever go tot he pub (more alcohol), and it was breaking my heart to my mum becoming a shell of her former self. So I'd succeed in making things worse not better.
Next thing, my mum discovered a lump in her breast, which was cancer, and she had left it so long that the whole breast had to be removed... another traumatic experience for her (so thats losing job, neighbours, moving house now this!)...
So they stayed in the house for about a year and half, in which time they bought somewhere nearby, and moved into there. This is where they are now. They have been kind enough to let me stay, rent free for a few months while I save some money, and quite frankly the situation here now is so so depressin g, and frustratiuong, and heartbreaking. Mum has only just turned 60, but to look at her, you'd think she was 70.
She never goes out ( i mean never, not even to the corner shop to get her paper),sist around in the same clothes, she watches telly ALL day, on full volume, as she is going a bit deaf, so conversing with her is near impossible, over the noise, gets annoyed when myself or my dad turns the telly off to talk to her. Its like the telly had become her friend. She even says so. As my dad and I work all day, she spend alot of time alone. Smoking herself stupid (40 a day) and drinking (she starts drinking at about 11am). So her mood most of the time is tetchy, depressed, a bit slow, nervy anxious... she clams up at the very thought of going out. To be honest the only time she does go out now is for doctors appointments (so she relates the outside to bad things). Ive tried suggesting popping out for a sandwich or coffee (so as not to make it a big deal for her), but she never wants to, and if I ask more than once she has a go at me saying I'm being bossy and making her feel guilty. her and my dad dont have what you'd call a loving relationship. they live together, and do get on, but he's happier to stick his head in the sand and blame her for they way she is, rather than trying to help. He says he finds its so depressing he's thinking of leaving.
I just dont know what to do. i feel like its too late already. She's been through some real horrid experiences, but i now feel like its my fault for not pulling her out of this depression alot sooner and I'm at a loss of what to do. Every time I try to help she aslips further into her shell, and right now all i wanna do is put a brick through the telly, chuck out the booze, and take her away somewhere... but i cant even get her to move off the couch. i just want my mum back, not this shell of an old lady.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, either my mum's or mine, any advice would be muich appreciated.
Not sure where to start with this.... but here goes.
About 10 or 11 years ago, my mother (who was in her late forties), my mother was made redundant at work. At that time, she, although suffering from anxiety (has done for many many years) was able to deal with it, get to work everyday, socialise with people there (she is a real people person)... but losing her job really knocked her for six, and although she tried applying for other jobs, and even taking up a basic I.T course to get her up to speed with computers, she started to slip into a depression, where everything became an effort, she'd drink more (as more time on her hands) and her cigarette intake went up tenfold. This went on for many months, and to be honest, myself and my dad were pretty crap at noticing anything was up. Maybe we were too close to notice, I dont know.
Anyway, we were having trouble with neighbours, they were causing alot of havoc, making threats, the police were called out almost every night, it got to the point where we were frightened of living in what use to be a friendly, quite and civilised road! So my folks put the house up for sale, and a fewmonths later we moved away into rent accomodation. I guess moving is quite stressful! I stayed for a few months then moved into London...popping back every few weeks. i think it was only then, once I'd stepped out of that scenario, did I really begin to notice that there were problems. I tried to deal with them, in a clumsy manner...by mentioning to my mum that she should try to get out more (walks, shops, join a local club, adult education etc etc). that went down like a lead balloon, and she just screamed at me to mind my own business. My dad and her would only ever go tot he pub (more alcohol), and it was breaking my heart to my mum becoming a shell of her former self. So I'd succeed in making things worse not better.
Next thing, my mum discovered a lump in her breast, which was cancer, and she had left it so long that the whole breast had to be removed... another traumatic experience for her (so thats losing job, neighbours, moving house now this!)...
So they stayed in the house for about a year and half, in which time they bought somewhere nearby, and moved into there. This is where they are now. They have been kind enough to let me stay, rent free for a few months while I save some money, and quite frankly the situation here now is so so depressin g, and frustratiuong, and heartbreaking. Mum has only just turned 60, but to look at her, you'd think she was 70.
She never goes out ( i mean never, not even to the corner shop to get her paper),sist around in the same clothes, she watches telly ALL day, on full volume, as she is going a bit deaf, so conversing with her is near impossible, over the noise, gets annoyed when myself or my dad turns the telly off to talk to her. Its like the telly had become her friend. She even says so. As my dad and I work all day, she spend alot of time alone. Smoking herself stupid (40 a day) and drinking (she starts drinking at about 11am). So her mood most of the time is tetchy, depressed, a bit slow, nervy anxious... she clams up at the very thought of going out. To be honest the only time she does go out now is for doctors appointments (so she relates the outside to bad things). Ive tried suggesting popping out for a sandwich or coffee (so as not to make it a big deal for her), but she never wants to, and if I ask more than once she has a go at me saying I'm being bossy and making her feel guilty. her and my dad dont have what you'd call a loving relationship. they live together, and do get on, but he's happier to stick his head in the sand and blame her for they way she is, rather than trying to help. He says he finds its so depressing he's thinking of leaving.
I just dont know what to do. i feel like its too late already. She's been through some real horrid experiences, but i now feel like its my fault for not pulling her out of this depression alot sooner and I'm at a loss of what to do. Every time I try to help she aslips further into her shell, and right now all i wanna do is put a brick through the telly, chuck out the booze, and take her away somewhere... but i cant even get her to move off the couch. i just want my mum back, not this shell of an old lady.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, either my mum's or mine, any advice would be muich appreciated.
