My mind turns into a cesspool

[Zod]

If anyone ever watched Ren and Stimpy, this is what my brain feels like, the inside of Ren's head.

I recently have been having horrible outbursts of negative thoughts, when alone, about other people that I know or sometimes just general misanthropy and hate for groups of people. It's like a part of me wants to be a bitter and feeling treated wrongly all the time, or a high intolerance of behavior which I find annoying (like loud music, obnoxious behavior, etc.) I also feel like I can't be bothered to be nice, like it requires a lot of energy with some people. In short, a cesspool of negative thoughts about people that dictates my behavior. Usually the thoughts eventually evaporate, like I am able to convince myself "this person isn't so bad, he/she has redeeming sides", but it seems to come back in waves.

I keep it to myself, but I fear I can't hide it much longer. It often manifests as indifference towards other people. A large part of it is probably stress and fatigue as I have been having irregular sleep patterns because of night shift (which I will quit soon). Can anyone relate to this, and maybe some tips to diminish it?

 

[irisse_simone]

yeah my mind is a grimy delapidated mess, im paranoid about what people might think of me- if i think they wont like me im afraid theyll think im a wimp, a creep, an idiot and i feel the compulsion toact like one, if i think they do like me im afraid ill hurt them and i feel the compusion to scowl at them insult them rip them to pieces. so im always just sitting there with a straight face working really hard to be realistic

 

[Kiwong]

Yep, my mind can be a pretty ugly place at its worst

 

[Zod]

I agree hennyfink. Oftentimes I can't stop it though, it's very compulsive and runs in the family (my sister is a raging misanthrope as well and my father had rage attacks).

And I don't hate all people in those fits, but more like people I think deserve it, arrogant people, loud people, mean people, etc. I just think many people don't have any redeeming sides and I'd rather just ignore them. But this resentment lingers on in me.

 

[theslowesthand]

If you go looking for negativity in someone/something, then chances are, you are going to find it

Yes, that's true. Whatever your beliefs (& thoughts) are, you actually attract those things which support those beliefs, good or bad.

I could easily choose to view the world in a gloomy way, but it really doesn't help my anxieties when I do that

Exactly. Neurotic thinking leads to anxiety problems (such as SA). Think more "positive" and "realistic" and "rational" ... and you feel better (as less anxiety/fear).