my mind tonight

[alex29]

i have plenty of friends but i feel like the friendships are fake and distant. i am friends with some people in the same classes at college but at night and weekends i have noone.

i cant remember the last time i did something with another person. i never get invited to anything and i can only hint at tagging along, not flat out asking. my hinting never seems to work

i dont know how everyone can so easily forget about me when i am always around during the day. at night i stay in my apartment all alone and on weekends i am online almost 24/7 except when im working

last night i drove around aimlessly for two hours. i juts needed to get out of the house. i told people i was "going out" but didnt say where or with who because really i was all by myself doing absolutely nothing.

i feel stuck. i go to class, work, and do my course work. thats all i do aside from staying home. i feel like im wasting my life away.

ive lost interest in things i used to love, i feel unloved and unwanted, i have no confidence in myself and have lost most of the ambition i once had. i feel wronged by my friends who do nothing to include me, i feel ugly since ive never been in a relationship. i feel boring since i have little to talk about even if i were to meet someone new.

im thinking about how nice it would be to have my own family. have a husband who i love with all my heart and a child who i love unconditionally and who depends on me for everything. i wouldnt have to worry about going out on weekends because we could all spend time together. i wouldnt be alone very often. id have love all around me. but i know i am not ready for this. the idea is just very appealing.

all i want is someone to call my friend. someone who i feel comfortable around. someone who i can have fun with!

 

[Kien]

You sound verrrry similar to me. I don't spend anya time (almost) at all with friends on my freetime and I don't get invited. But people in my class are really nice. But yes I am boring so they don't talk to me much. And I don't find much things fun either and I get so bored of being home alone all the time. I don't feel very good looking either and the thought that a woman would like someone like me is a little bit repugnant. Still I'm haunted by thoughts of love which I try to choke by trying to think of other things all the time.

 

[livingnsilence]

I'm the same way. Here I am on saturday night and not only that it's spring break. I have no where to go, I'm just sitting in my appartment completely alone and bored out of my mind. My "friends" to never invite me anywhere in fact often they'll invite everyone in my sorority to go do something except me and this one girl who never goes to anything b/c she wants to be w/ her bf. I have bad depression from being alone all the time and not being able to do things I consider fun b/c of the SA.

 

[dottie]

if you want to go out take initiative and invite your friends (aquaintances, whatever). they will probably be glad to hear from you.

 

[alex29]

if you want to go out take initiative and invite your friends (aquaintances, whatever). they will probably be glad to hear from you.

thats what i thought. for a while i blamed myself for my own loneliness because i thought i wasnt doing enough. then i realized i was only partially at fault. it seems like everytime i say something they already are doing something that i cant join in on, or they wont be home until its too late, or something like that. or ill say something and theyll say "yeah that sounds like fun" and nothing ever comes of it. so i gave up.