My introduction

[iheartlamps]

Just signed up and felt like I should introduce myself, my name is Daniel and I am 20 years old. I am currently going to college. I don't know really where to start or what to say so I will just ramble on, I don't even know if this is the right forum for me to be in...

I am in pretty good shape, I work out regularly, and consider myself attractive...but I have no social skills at all. I do have friends, but when I hang out with them I am miserable. I rarely speak and just kinda follow along with whatever is going on and nod my head. I am never happy no matter where I am at or what I am doing. I am not funny or interesting in any way, and I often feel like a waste of space. My girlfriend and I just broke up not to long ago because I was treating her like shit and making fun of her all the time. I don't know why I push people away that I care about, but I do it with everyone. She was the only person that I enjoyed seeing in my life and now every day is hell for me.

I don't like going out to places and I don't like dating because I can't carry on a conversation at all.

I don't know what else to say...I guess that's it.

Sorry if this should have gone on a depression forum.

 

[sabbath92003]

Hi Daniel, welcome to SPW!

 

[dpr]

I am in pretty good shape, I work out regularly, and consider myself attractive...but I have no social skills at all. I do have friends, but when I hang out with them I am miserable. I rarely speak and just kinda follow along with whatever is going on and nod my head. I am never happy no matter where I am at or what I am doing. I am not funny or interesting in any way, and I often feel like a waste of space. My girlfriend and I just broke up not to long ago because I was treating her like shit and making fun of her all the time. I don't know why I push people away that I care about, but I do it with everyone. She was the only person that I enjoyed seeing in my life and now every day is hell for me.

Hey Daniel, welcome to the forum!

Have you talked to anyone else about this, like family? Have you seen a therapist? Cuz while this site has some really insightful and intelligent people, it's no substitute for therapy in my opinion. Have you ever heard of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

I am curious about why you would make fun of your girlfriend? Why do you think you treated her like shit?

And also, what do you think would make a person interesting, and not "a waste of space?"

I ask, because I think we compare ourselves to others a lot and that is a big part of our problem. If we look at others quickly, we tend to think, "They're funny and interesting. I'll never be like them." But when you look closely, you can see that no one is funny all the time. No one is interesting all the time. Sometimes the funny guy isn't funny, and sometimes the interesting person is boring.

Likewise, no one in this world is "always uninteresting" or "never funny." Categorizing someone like that just wouldn't make any sense, which is why there is no reason to do it to yourself.

 

[iheartlamps]

No I have not had therapy, I probably need it though. It is something I will look into.

I don't really know why I would treat her so bad, and whats worse is she was the perfect girlfriend and she was crazy about me. Everything I ever wanted in a partner was her. A part of me thinks I was scared I found someone I could marry at 20. I dunno...its really depressing when I think about it, I don't think I will ever find someone like her again.\

I don't know about the waste of space. I just seem so uninteresting and I hate it. I can barely have a conversation with some of my best friends who I've known for 5+ years. I dunno

 

[dpr]

No I have not had therapy, I probably need it though. It is something I will look into.

I don't really know why I would treat her so bad, and whats worse is she was the perfect girlfriend and she was crazy about me. Everything I ever wanted in a partner was her. A part of me thinks I was scared I found someone I could marry at 20. I dunno...its really depressing when I think about it, I don't think I will ever find someone like her again.\

I don't know about the waste of space. I just seem so uninteresting and I hate it. I can barely have a conversation with some of my best friends who I've known for 5+ years. I dunno

Yeah I was thinking maybe it was some self-sabotage with you and your girlfriend. I know it all too well. It's scary to have someone love you sometimes, because of all the responsibility and pressure to love them back.

Are you guys on speaking terms? You could try to apologize and tell her that it's your own issues that made you treat her badly and that she didn't deserve it?

Feeling like you can't talk to anyone does suck, but remember that it's common for those of us with SP. And there is no sense labeling yourself, because it is the phobia that is causing problems for you, not you causing problems for you. If that makes sense.

What has helped me a lot is challenging the thoughts I have. You should try it. Inspect your thoughts about yourself and others. Dissect them and make sure they are really fair and true. Chances are you may find that you are exaggerating, jumping to conclusions, magnifying, minimizing, labeling, and all the other distortions that make us feel bad about ourselves.

Check out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.