My greatest fear

NightTimeForever

NightTimeForever

Well-known member
I'll be honest, my most persistent and encompassing fear is others thinking I am stupid. I've been called "pretty smart" by more than a few people, by their own admission and it was not something I've asked. Still, I feel like some individuals perceive me as stupid, and it really bothers me. Anyone else feel the same way?
 
Zatarra

Zatarra

Member
I wouldn't say its my greatest fear in life but it does seem to be at the root of my SA and it seems to be getting worse and worse the older I get.

I get decent grades in my classes because I'm good at reading and memorizing, and stuff like that. So my instructors probably think I'm pretty smart but yet I'm still always stressed out that they will 'figure out' that I'm really not.

I've always been a slow learner and I have week auditory processing and working memory and I'm very self conscious about it. Like sometimes at the gym somebody will be trying to teach me a new exercise and I just don't seem to be able to do it right no matter how much they try to help me. Eventually the person will just give up and say something like "Don't worry eventually you will get it down". Or when somebody asks me a direct question like what other classes are you taking this quarter and I'm just like ummmmmmmmmm. I feel like such an idiot.
 
NightTimeForever

NightTimeForever

Well-known member
Zaterra, I see what you mean. "Auditory processing" is a problem for me because when someone talks to me, I automatically become anxiety-ridden and partially zone out, so that I can here their words but my brain doesn't want to "comprehend" it.

What distresses me more, is that although I have been told I have very good verbal skills, sometimes when I get tired I use a word in the wrong context. Earlier today at work, someone asked me where a co-worker was, and I said "he doesn't keep me appraised of his activities." It really didn't make sense at all, and they were talking about something after that, I couldn't hear, I was afraid it was about what I said. Sometimes, I hate the way my brain functions, or should I say malfunctions because afterwards I obsess over the stupidity.
 
C

chained

1
I can relate.. i think im not smart enough, like sometiems im smart, but then ppl expect me to be again, and im not..and the times I was, I think in the past, far past, where the hell did I get that "smart answer" from.. but this is rare..and iunno why but ppl expect of me to be smart, prolly cuz im quiet and look mature.. but i cant do some stuff out of books, i say its cuz im preoccupied with my thoughts, but iunno, is it?
and of all evil, im a perfectionist :p got an A on one of my last esays, last one D, now have another one coming up, so guess how my self esteem is :/ iv been told i have good verbal intelligence, but English isnt my frist language, so..
 
mrb

mrb

Well-known member
chained said:
I can relate.. i think im not smart enough, like sometiems im smart, but then ppl expect me to be again, and im not..and the times I was, I think in the past, far past, where the hell did I get that "smart answer" from.. but this is rare..and iunno why but ppl expect of me to be smart, prolly cuz im quiet and look mature.. but i cant do some stuff out of books, i say its cuz im preoccupied with my thoughts, but iunno, is it?
and of all evil, im a perfectionist :p got an A on one of my last esays, last one D, now have another one coming up, so guess how my self esteem is :/ iv been told i have good verbal intelligence, but English isnt my frist language, so..
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but your still a little fighter lol ;)
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
I can relate to this. I, too, fear being thought of as stupid or foolish.

What's weird, though, is that at the same time, I learned a long time ago to hide my intelligence. I was always the smart kid in class, and was consequently looked upon as "different." I wasn't really very athletic, either - you can imagine the rest. By the time I was in high school, I pretty much kept my mouth shut in class, even thought I knew the answers, etc. But I was placed in the "gifted" program after testing showed my IQ was 140. This only made me more of an outcast.

Please understand that I'm not boasting here - I have allowed this issue to cause me loads of problems.

Anyway, I usually find myself "dumbing down" my speech, interests, etc. in order to fit in with others.

But then, when I'm around people I really like or want respect from, I worry a great deal about coming off sounding stupid - don't want to say or do the wrong thing. It really interferes with work - dealing with bosses, etc. And then there's the whole perfectionism thing.

Does this make any kind of sense??
 
lyricalliaisons

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
I definitely worry that others perceive me as stupid. I want more than anything for people to see me as smart. The problem is, I'm nowhere near as smart as I want to be, or feel that I should be. I am smarter than a lot of the people that I know, but that's only because I know a lot of poor people who are very uneducated & don't care about learning because they were never taught to value it. (Neither was I, but I do anyway.) That way of being is fine for others if it suits them, but I don't want to be like that or to be seen like that. I will never be able to feel fully satisfied with myself until I'm able to feel that I'm as smart as I should be & want to be. & I'll never feel that others view me as very smart until I view me as very smart.
 
mrb

mrb

Well-known member
lyricalliaisons said:
I definitely worry that others perceive me as stupid. I want more than anything for people to see me as smart. The problem is, I'm nowhere near as smart as I want to be, or feel that I should be. I am smarter than a lot of the people that I know, but that's only because I know a lot of poor people who are very uneducated & don't care about learning because they were never taught to value it. (Neither was I, but I do anyway.) That way of being is fine for others if it suits them, but I don't want to be like that or to be seen like that. I will never be able to feel fully satisfied with myself until I'm able to feel that I'm as smart as I should be & want to be. & I'll never feel that others view me as very smart until I view me as very smart.
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hmmmm well your probably 100 times smarter than me lol , im as thick as a plank ::(: ::p:
 
lurknomore

lurknomore

1
coyote said:
I can relate to this. I, too, fear being thought of as stupid or foolish.

What's weird, though, is that at the same time, I learned a long time ago to hide my intelligence. I was always the smart kid in class, and was consequently looked upon as "different." I wasn't really very athletic, either - you can imagine the rest. By the time I was in high school, I pretty much kept my mouth shut in class, even thought I knew the answers, etc. But I was placed in the "gifted" program after testing showed my IQ was 140. This only made me more of an outcast.

Please understand that I'm not boasting here - I have allowed this issue to cause me loads of problems.

Anyway, I usually find myself "dumbing down" my speech, interests, etc. in order to fit in with others.

But then, when I'm around people I really like or want respect from, I worry a great deal about coming off sounding stupid - don't want to say or do the wrong thing. It really interferes with work - dealing with bosses, etc. And then there's the whole perfectionism thing.

Does this make any kind of sense??
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This makes perfect sense, I kind of feel the same way. You're probably smarter than me- I've never had my IQ tested, but I know it's at least above average. When I went back to college, there were some classes where I was either the only one, or one of just a few raising my hand with the answer to almost every question asked. I feel like I have tons of "book" smarts and zero street smarts or common sense. Sometimes I do feel like I'm trying to hide my intelligence because I don't want to come across as arrogant, but then feel the opposite when it comes to simple everyday issues that I'm clueless about and am too afraid to ask or say something because I don't want to be seen as ignorant, dumb, or just plain inexperienced. I think I just have low self-esteem/self confidence... when I'm alone I can convince myself that I'm as good/smart/etc. as everyone else, but when faced with people, all of a sudden I feel inferior and don't want to "prove" it by showing my ignorance about something.

And I'm definitely a perfectionist... if I feel like I can't do something "perfectly," I won't even try most of the time... which means there are tons of things I won't attempt, and this cuts down on my ability to relate to people.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
lurknomore said:
This makes perfect sense, I kind of feel the same way. You're probably smarter than me- I've never had my IQ tested, but I know it's at least above average. When I went back to college, there were some classes where I was either the only one, or one of just a few raising my hand with the answer to almost every question asked. I feel like I have tons of "book" smarts and zero street smarts or common sense. Sometimes I do feel like I'm trying to hide my intelligence because I don't want to come across as arrogant, but then feel the opposite when it comes to simple everyday issues that I'm clueless about and am too afraid to ask or say something because I don't want to be seen as ignorant, dumb, or just plain inexperienced. I think I just have low self-esteem/self confidence... when I'm alone I can convince myself that I'm as good/smart/etc. as everyone else, but when faced with people, all of a sudden I feel inferior and don't want to "prove" it by showing my ignorance about something.

And I'm definitely a perfectionist... if I feel like I can't do something "perfectly," I won't even try most of the time... which means there are tons of things I won't attempt, and this cuts down on my ability to relate to people.
Click to expand...

like you're reading my mind...
 
NightTimeForever

NightTimeForever

Well-known member
I used to be "friends" with someone who claimed to have an IQ of 130. I remember, we were having a conversation once and I recall him saying "oh, you're probably smarter than me, but my ideals are probably more well-founded." I suppose that was his way of saying I have no common sense, or something to that effect. That bothered me.

What I'm trying to exemplify with the above is, I automatically assume what someone perceives about me to be true, or at least, it casts severe doubt on how I perceive myself. And the thing is, I don't consider myself "smart." I really wasn't educated in the normal way, so most of the facts I know are obscure and really don't matter.

Of course, innate intelligence and knowing "facts" are two different things.
 
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