my GF has social phobia and...

[pieceofcake]

it's really hard to deal with.

has anybody here recovered?

would she be better off with somebody else with SA? i feel like exploding after being with her sometimes - it's almost like i compensate for her inhibition and fear by doing the extroversion work of two.

does this ring a bell with anybody?

i need some coping tips because it is not helpful for me to react as i do. please, jump in here and help if you can. i figured you folks would know more than wikipedia articles and perhaps even shrinks...

 

[pieceofcake]

help: klonopin is most reliable so far. SSRIs make her sick, no major talk therapy/CBT that i know of.

i reacted for months with patience and compassion, but at some point, the inflexibility and crippling aspects of this disorder brought out *anger* because the lack of sponteneity, etc. were really difficult to set alongside the idea of an expansive love.

i can understand all this if i generalize it to things that are fearful for me (like parachuting out of a plane) but thankfully these are extreme events. she really has difficulty talking to people, sitting in exposed places, telephones, etc. i've read the diagnosis and it is spot on.

i want to help. i know that first i have to not assign blame or get angry.

...thank you for answering...

 

[Jacky1980]

Hi,pieceofcake
I have already completely recovered from SP.Glad to help you. Could you ask your girl friend to state her problem in detail in this stickied post here?

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt12834.html

the professional counselor will give her a detailed answer according to her personal situation.

I have also posted many articles about complete recovery in this forum

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt11982.html

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt12364.html

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt12118.html

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt12393.html

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt12658.html

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt12746.html

Hope it can help her.

 

[dream]

Wow, you don't suffer from any anxiety disorders anymore! That's amazing

 

[dottie]

if you can't accept her for who she is, flaws and everything, just move on and stop stringing her along.

 

[VioletTears]

I agree with Dottie. Her condition may improve with the help of therapy, exposure, perhaps support groups, medication, etc. It isn't going to happen overnight, though, and it isn't going to be easy. If you want to be with her then you need to be able to support her through the ups and downs. You also need to realize that to some degree she'll probably always be this way. Treatment can help to minimize her fear and to improve her coping but she may always need to keep her socialization to small doses, and if she's introverted that's a personality characteristic that's likely to persist no matter what. It doesn't mean she's broken, it's just that some people feel their best around groups of people, others feel their best when they're alone.

You need to decide what you want out of the relationship. My hursband and I started dating when we were 16, so 12 years ago. He doesn't really understand me, and sometimes I wish he did. He has his own set of friends that he hangs out with and I keep to myself. If he starts going out several times a week, or if he has friends over too much, then it becomes an issue, otherwise it basically works for us... I will admit it becomes harder with kids though, but I don't know if that's something you guys ever want, or how serious you are. Also, I suppose it keeps us from being as connected as some other couples. We live rather independent lives from each other, in a way. I think it can work, if you're willing to accept who she is, but you also need to decide what you want and if you're willing to take the bad with the good.

 

[Noca]

Give her some Adderall XR mixed with Klonopin and she will be more social than even you ;p

 

[dream]

I had experierence this situation,so i can relate with what you're going through.
I met my ex boyfriend going through depression and a mild case of agrapobia.I never told him i was depressed but i'm sure my actions and casual responses to going outdoorss in social enviorments were a usually a definate no in response i would prefer if we satyed in and watched a movie were on most weekends.He didn't mind i did make go to see his friends or to the mall or watch a film and just the idea of being wanted or needed made me in a way secure to face these situations with ease because my boyfriend was there.My advice would be to don't judge her i know easier said then done.To help her and support her also to get as much information via online or literature on anxiety disorders or anxiety/depression.Sad or agorapgobia if you truly want to be with her hold her and surround her with uncontional love.

 

[overcome.]

first off, every relationship can get frustrating. but remember, it's not her fault she's experiencing these problems, ok. you have to ask yourself, also you could speak to her about this, if you two are really suited for eachother, given everything that's going on. i mean, it's very very hard to understand these sort of problems, unless you experience them yourself or are qualified to help people in this area. so things can get annoying yeah.

ask yourself this, how much do you like her? do you love her? if so, how much? how is your relationship? take everything into account and have a chat with her, talking can solve many problems.

 

[danstelter]

Yes, it will take time, and your GF might not be able to do some things you think are very simple. The #1 you can do, if nothing else, is to let go of anger (this will only make her anxiety worse), and instead be very supportive and encouraging of any little step that she takes to conquer her fears. And, you should not be doing things for her that most adults learn for themselves, although you might have to for a while as she works to rebuild her social life.

And, this might take a few years before she gets to a place where she can do most things on her own. Your role is purely to be supportive, and if you think that your help is not enough, encourage her to seek professional assistance.

The bottom line that you will learn out of this is that either A) you love this girl and want to see her do well and will stick with her as she battles this (if you go to a different girl, she will have her problems too, so keep that in mind) or B) the problems are too much for you to handle and a relationship with this person is simply not possible.

Just expect things to get worse in the short term before they get better in the long term. It's hard to do and it takes time, patience, and commitment in order to work through, and if you choose to work through it, you will find that you and your girlfriend will have quite a strong relationship. The choice is yours now that you have the information from many different users.

 

[Pookah]