My friend is depressed

[Iseesky]

My friend recently told me that she's been depressed the past few months. She feels overwhelmed with school and not passing some of the classes she's taken. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her future and it scares her. She's always been the type of person who keeps a strict timeline of what she wants to do, when she wants to do it and now the

From the beginning I could tell something was wrong. She wasn't hanging out with us much anymore and seemed to spend the days, when she wasn't spending time with family, in her house. I went about it the wrong way and talked about it with another friend who then disappointed me by telling my depressed friend what I had said in a negative way. :|

I meant nothing negative by what I said, but she twisted my words around. Luckily, my depressed friend knew I'd never say such a thing and called me to talk about. I told her that I missed hanging out with her and that I wanted to have a nice summer of shopping and going to the beach and camping and I feel like we're both missing out. That's when she told me how she was feeling. To me, it sounds like depression and I told her that. She said that she used to cry maybe one or twice a year, but lately she's been crying every few days. She said she doesn't feel like herself and whenever she goes out she doesn't enjoy herself. She says it's like she's just sitting there watching everyone else as her mind wanders.

Long story short, I want to help her. I know I can't help her on her own. This site has helped me with my social anxiety and anxiety in general and I suggested she try it. But, she doesn't seem interested. She said she's considered getting a therapist and I said that would be a good idea. I told her that she should fix it before it gets even worse.

I told her that I'm glad she told me and that I'm glad I now know why she's been different lately. I told her that we'll fix it.

But, I don't know how else to be supportive. I don't know if she'll get a therapist...School will be starting again soon and I don't want the stress of that push her even deeper.

What do you suggest?

 

[worrywort]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. My dad's had depression most of his life and there's some things I've learnt over the years in helping him. I think the top thing I've learnt is this; while genetics may contribute, I've always found that the majority of a persons depression is usually caused by a culmination of problems in their lives that have overwhelmed them or that they've been unable to deal with....but to every problem there's a solution....so my best approach with my dad is to treat his head like an untidy room, with clutter and mess everywhere. It can sometimes be daunting to know where to start, but if you just begin anywhere solving any problems that you can, it'll just begin to ease their load....and if you can offer solutions to some of the bigger problems first then even better....but it's that lack of control and the feeling of being overwhelmed that I believe is the beginnings of most depression. If you could help bring some hope and possible order back to your friends life then I think that should help a lot.....

you mentioned that your friend feels overwhelmed with school? Is it possible she could drop some classes or cut certain things out of her life to ease her load? The pressure of grades and future careers is always a tough one but is it possible your friend has any added pressure weighing upon her from other sources such as parents or school etc?

couple of other bits of advice that I've learnt; 1] understanding really is half the battle! If you could somehow help your friend to figure out why she's feeling depressed that usually helps massively. 2] just being there, and listening helps a lot too, even if you have no clue what advice to give. Giving your friend the opportunity to vent to a sympathetic ear usually works wonders. and 3] lastly, make sure you take care of yourself aswell. It can be tempting to take on too much of the responsibility for your friends problems. There's a very fine line between where your responsibilty ends and her's begins. It's great that your helping her already as much as you are [I wish I had a friend like you! ], but if your friend doesn't get better even after your best efforts, try not to let it get you down too much, but remember that you tried your best, and the rest is up to your friend.