My feelings right now

[qipuqipu]

Gah... this is all going to be a junble of crap, I know... anyway...

Recently, I've been feeling really burned out and depressed. It's as if I don't even have the energy to be anxious anymore. I'm starting to flat out avoid people now, just to minimise stress and stop myself from having these stupid feelings. This morning felt terrible. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone, I just didn't need the stress. It feels like it's piling up inside me sometimes, with nowhere to go - the only way I have now is just to distract myself with junk and hope it just wafts away... but that's not a real solution. I guess I just need someone to whine at, moan at, be confused and frightened at... I guess what I'm saying is I need a 'real' friend. The sort of person I fantasise about, who'll just listen, and I guess... show me some love. That's all I really want from a friend - some sympathy and understanding, without judgement.

I have no idea where to go, or what I'm even doing anymore... it's like this ideal version of what I ought to be is crumbling away, and I'm just left with the cold harshness of who I am. I guess... I want to be that cold harsh guy, as long as I'm being myself. But I don't know. I don't know how to make any of this happen, and I'm just stuck spinning in circles in my head.

So... yeah...

 

[Angie_05]

I can sympathize. I am slowly losing the few friends I have because I don't feel connected to them. I feel like there is no one to talk to about these feelings I have and that sux. I think it would help just to hear someone say "Yes I understand" instead of look at me all strange when I mention it.

I was just thinking today that I've never been happy ever in my life. Not genuinely happy; only for small moments. My counselor told me to replicate a happy time in my life. I was too embarassed to tell her I didn't have a happy time. When I was a kid people said, "You should smile more". Nothing terrible happened to me. I was just sad.

If you need someone real to talk to you can always come here. I think we all understand.

 

[Disconnected]

We all understand, but we're still only text on a webpage.

Nothing can subsitute for an actual person, in all three dimensions.

I know the feeling.

 

[lawyerguy]

I feel like utter crap. I've had a horrible day at work. And my personal life is crap as well. Sorry to whine.

 

[Richey]

Just wanted to say that even if you feel like utter crap!! You are not utter crap. You have your interests your jobs/hobbies that are unique to you.

I find that always doing something like Reading practicing guitar or piano. Working on my car. Going for a run. Listening to music. Anything that involves enhancing my skills can distract away from other issues in my life.

 

[renegade]

I know the feeling. I also feel that somethimes the physical symptoms and worrying thoughts it's draining all the energy from me, it's very tiresome and the fact that noone understands it's even more frustrating.

I no there is no use to tell others how you fell, they'll just tell you to relax, calm down, chill out, or the most annoying idea : just be yourself and people will like you. Yeah, right, that brought me nothing but embarasment, my ideas and opinions seem to be out of this world and I can't stand they'r strange look no more when I try to be myself and manifest my personality, of course, as much as SP allows me.

So during the last months I've been observing people's behavior (I sometimes don't see myself as human, anyone had that thought ?) and playing an act, I mean it's not me, it's just a character that I interpret, an individual whitch is more ''normal''. Wonderfull life, huh ?

Feel better now that I let that out without being called a freak.

 

[qipuqipu]

I feel like utter crap. I've had a horrible day at work. And my personal life is crap as well. Sorry to whine.

It's cool. *I* was whining . We all gotta whine sometimes, I think. At least we can feel for each other.