my feeling about your friends

[tommydog]

hi everyone

id like to suggest that one of the most powerful ways to help yourself is to surround yourself by the people you want to be like.

its hard when your an sp'r to go and hang around with larger than life people, but believe me they will pull you up. you are who your friends are, thats what they say, and thats what iv only started accepting recently.
even if you dont know how to make friends .. you can still make an effort to be in places they are you know, just bieng surrounded by the right types of people can help.

part of the reason i think i developed sp, aside from my childhood, and aside from drugs as a teenager, is that my crowd were all people with negative attitudes, non achievers, most of them were probly borderline sp'rs themselves.

now that im with happy, well adjusted, and very very confident people .. how can i put it ... they are pulling me up simple as that.

your mental picture of whats normal, and what your boundaries are, can change dramatically

 

[Crimefish]

I agree. I have the coolest friends ever, and I respect them immensely, all for different reasons. One refuses to go near alcohol or drugs, one will do anything to her appearance she wants and doesn't care what people think (she's an ex-socialphobe), some are so positive all the time that it makes me sick a lot of the time, but cheers me up a lot more of the time.
I'd be nowhere without my friends.

 

[tommydog]

its become easier for me recently, because i told my best friend .. in not so many words .. about my condition .. but he got the drift.

So before alot of the stuff he would do i wouldnt go along ... simply because i wanted to preserve my incredible hulk act and not let anyone know how i really am .. but now that its out in the open .. i have support, and i can just be myself .. which ofcourse means i do more, i am more confident .. and so on.

i guess im pretty lucky that iv got some great friends.

a situation i put myself in a few nights ago .. man im improving heaps. But this is what i mean .. without friends\support that would have been waaaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone, but with the right company .. im cool with it.

 

[Chilling_Echo]

well said tommy. before i was diagnosed, i was surrounded by people that were so outgoing, loud, and fearless. now we've all moved on and i got diagnosed and i see now how easy it was to do things in the past with those who influenced me or those that i could depend on to let myself be myself.

 

[silenceisgolden]

Hi
I can't relax around loud and confident people. I have tried being around these types of people but just found myself feeling worse because I feel I could never be like they are. I just sat there like a jerk, with nothing to say, with no expression, I could just about manage an awkward little smile. My best friend who I don't see anymore was a really negative person like myself but I found that she just depressed me even more. I just prefer to be alone.

 

[Fredscars]

my mates are all quite loud and outgoing.but theyre also really sensitive and (generally) understand what i can and cannot do. They do push me, but will do things for me if i fel unable to. Thyere there for me despite all the stuff ive said during my attacks (about hating them, telling them thast i want them all to die etc )
they jsut understand its a problem that imterying to deal with. so long as i keep strong theyll be there for me, encouraging me. if they think ive just given up thuogh, i think theyd be annoyed, because i always said id do my best to fight it. i dunno *shrugs*
i couldnt ask for better people to suround myself with.

 

[pitkreet]

I think it depends if the happy and confident people you hang around are genuine friends or not.

Since I started getting SA, I had spells in my life where I've spent time with one or two really confident people but really felt they had accepted me as a friend. Because of this, I was able to feel comfortable in social situations with them present, knowing that they would tend to be the life and soul and the centre of attention, keep the conversations going, thus taking the pressure of me. But I also knew that I could say what i want without the risk of feeling rejected by them. There were times when I almost forgot all about my SA.

I've had other times in my life where I've been with people where I just didn't feel I was on the same wave-length as them. Yes, they were loud, out-going but when I was with them, I didn't feel part of the group, felt ill at ease, like some loser hanger-on with nothing to say...it made my SA a lot worse.

But the couple of friends I have now are pretty introverted, like me. They probably have some mild SA themselves. I feel reasonably relaxed in their company and grateful for their company, but I know that we're never gonna have big fun nights out on the town together or be able to pull each other up to higher levels of social operation.

I've often thought that if I could just make one or two friends like the outgoing ones I had when I was younger, I'd be more than half-way to getting over SA.....I just never seem to be able to relate to new people any more though.

 

[Fredscars]

hmm my frineds seem to see me as a different person to what i see. i cannot say i want to be just like me, because i hate me.

 

[Ads7800]

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[Fredscars]

aww thanks. im okay sometimes, when im by myself, or when im having a laugh with my friends. but when i start thinking, and im not talking social phobia thinking..just me thinking, i see everything wrong with me, the way i talk, the things i say, the ways i behave..i hate the way i look, the work i do..im a perfectionist, yet i can never get anything right. These days the slightest thing can get me right down, such as..i was working at school in english, and i managed to do a piece of work neatly, the next day took it out of the folder and accidently ripped the corner slightly..for the next..5 hours or so i was on the verge of crying my eyes out, i was moody, stressed and totally and utterly hated myself. To the point i was almost ready to give up. It so stupid and way too over-reactive (i knew that)..but then i get the same thing from ripping some paper, to smashing a bottle of milk, to losing my best mate..theres no kind of..levels..it doesnt increase from a small thing to a big thing. its the same reaction to eveything. It just increases my self hate even more.

and another..almost more stupid thing, if thats possible.. my mates and bf tell me how great i am, how pretty i am and all that..but then i see all my problems and so try to be like this person that they seem to see, but no matter how hard i try and work, i can never get my self to the point that i see what they seem to..so then i hate myself evenmore for being a failure

 

[Anonymous]

..and now i scared everyone off.
*laughs*
sorry
xxx

 

[tommydog]

but you dont have to get yourself to a new level to meet the criteria of how they see you ... they see you the way they do... the way you are now !

honest you gotta accept compliments. if someone says your a hottie .. like i did .. dont turn around and say "i dont like the way i look", rather, why not say "thankyou" and in your mind you can think "if he gave me that compliment .. i will assume he meant it"

im only just learning that now. the thing i get the most is the im a nice person, i have a tender heart, im sweet, this sorta shit right :lol:

i used to look at it as "yer motherfuckers are taking the piss outa me for bieng weak". But thats not what they doing, they are seeing that in me and admiring it. know what i mean ?

like im the biggest softy around dogs. i used to hide it. now i dont. i give my dog kisses in public .. i rant and rave at how beautiful other peoples dogs are .. and if anyone dosnt like it they can get a punch on the chin and see what they say then :lol:

 

[Shadow]

I tend to feel much more comfortable around the loud outgoing type. I guess when I'm around them I don't feel like they're judging me. I've got a couple of cousins like that and I could always say things around them that I could never say around anybody else.

But that doesn't mean I want to be like them. Every personality type has it's strengths and weaknesses. I may never be the life of the party but I'm a kind, caring, sensitive person and I'm slowly beginning to accept and like that about myself

 

[Anonymous]

but you dont have to get yourself to a new level to meet the criteria of how they see you ... they see you the way they do... the way you are now !

honest you gotta accept compliments. if someone says your a hottie .. like i did .. dont turn around and say "i dont like the way i look", rather, why not say "thankyou" and in your mind you can think "if he gave me that compliment .. i will assume he meant it"

im only just learning that now. the thing i get the most is the im a nice person, i have a tender heart, im sweet, this sorta shit right :lol:

i used to look at it as "yer motherfuckers are taking the piss outa me for bieng weak". But thats not what they doing, they are seeing that in me and admiring it. know what i mean ?

like im the biggest softy around dogs. i used to hide it. now i dont. i give my dog kisses in public .. i rant and rave at how beautiful other peoples dogs are .. and if anyone dosnt like it they can get a punch on the chin and see what they say then :lol:

hehe..well..thankyou

but..i dunno..i think theyre saying it..cos..well cos theyre laughnig at me behind my back.or cause they dont wanna hurt me. *shrugs*
yeh i love dogs