My experiences with SAD, Hunting trip!

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Hey everyone my names Kurtis im new to this site. I just found this site today and im so glad I did. I'm amazed how much in common I have with your guys/girls experiences with SAD. I hate it so bad ive had it since i was a kid but now at 22 its gotten worst. One of the most frustrating things to deal with is being uncomfortable with my family ive been close with all my life. I used to enjoy hanging at with them so much like joking around with them and having fun. But now im worrying about everything I say or do fearing that they will think im a dork or being too negative. Im almost always worrying about, if i have a stupid look on my face or I look angry, its kind of hard to explain. And whats so stupid is I have really good looks. Its like having a voice in your head always telling you that you look stupid or you shouldn't say something. But whats weird is its like it comes in waves. Like sometimes i feel completely normal and i feel totally comfortable and have a good time. But then all of a sudden i get this shock wave of anxiety and then i start freaking out inside. But of course i try my best not let them think anythings wrong.

But anyway about the hunting trip, a week ago i went hunting with my cousins megans BF rob. And he wanted to hunt up in a tree house that was 40 ft up in a tree with a really tall ladder and another one you had to switch your feet to get to. It scared the crap out at me but I forced myself to go up and not to be a pussy. But anyway when i got to the top, I started freaking out about how the hell am i gonna get down. Because climbing down is the worst part. So anyway I had to keep watch for deer for about 3 hours. The whole time i was thinking about climbing down and that i was certainly not gonna make it and fall off and die. Then i started to thinking if I make it down without dying how much I would appreciate life in general. And I was thinking here I am maybe gonna fall off and die and how stupid it was for me to worry about what people think about me. What im trying to say is I mean really you may only have one life to live. Why waste life worrying about what people think. It just clicked in my head how ridiculous it is when you think your life might end suddenly. But anyway I forced myself to climb down and I got down safely. I felt like a million bucks after it really felt like a revelation to me. Im just really starting to get angry with this SAD crap controlling me and consuming me. I'm gonna do my best to fight it because im not gonna let it win. Do any of you guys/girls feel that way or had a common experience?
 
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