My Dad has become so mean to me

shyflower

Well-known member
I am in a situation where I am the only sibling left that is close to my parents. Dad was marrried to a woman who was a witch and so the story I was told is that the son fom that marriage was turned against Dad and that was the reason they no longer communicated.. but I didn't see that years ago when I was a child and his son was almost grown I saw his son trying to make a connection with Dad and Dad chose not to acknowledge it. I had an older sister and she went through some hardship back in her 20s and 30s ..just picking the wrong friends and wrong men to get involved with. My parents helped her a great deal.. but then one day I fell down a flight of brick stairs which left my ankles in miserable pain for quite a few years. The thing was is my sister never did come down the stairs to help me that day and my parents were done with her amongst other things she had done.. letting her car get stolen and trashed, shoplifting, stealing , etc. For years now I have been close to my parents and now find myself the sole caregiver/ provider for them. Dad is 95% disabled and I have taken over all yardwork, laundry, cleaning, and any maintanance that is necessary in owning a house. I help dad with everything.. and Mom too. She just has a case of the lazies and doesn't want to do anything. For the last few months in doing things.. Dad says I'm not doing them fast enough, it needs to be done now, do this do that, etc. just demanding and pushy.. which I totally cannot stand when someone acts that way towards me.

Today I was mowing grass and Dad was standing behind the mower like he was going to push it. That was never going to happen because he can't hardly stand up. I get so tired of helping him when he does not listen. I told him to get away from the lawnmower and he says to me "Shut up!".. "Hush Please!" . I told him I was tired of him saying that to me and finding things I am doing wrong constantly. My patience is about shot.. I seriouusly was about ready to kick him on over today. His meaness is really consuming my feelings. :no:

I realize I posted this in the wrong topic.. It's been a long day
 
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I'm so sorry he's acting like that. Do you think he might have depression? It might explain the way he's lashing out at you.
 
Let them do for themselves if that's how they're gonna be to you. Your mom should tell him to stop acting like that. I'm sorry.
 

TreeBones

Well-known member
I'm sorry, seriously, who doesn't come to help someone when they fall down the stairs!? In my opinion, if your mom can fend for herself she should do so, and if you still want to help your dad, tell him to show you more respect and appreciation or he can fend for himself too/
I don't know why but "shut up" has always been the biggest insult in my eyes. No one has the right to say that to you, especially not the person you're helping 24/7.
 

shyflower

Well-known member
Let them do for themselves if that's how they're gonna be to you. Your mom should tell him to stop acting like that. I'm sorry.

I know that if I don't take care of anything and were to just let it all go.. they would both be living in filth and the yard would grow up to their necks because they will not hire anyone to do the yard. Mom is always saying " I guess we are just going to have to hire someone and pay the money" like that is supposed to make me feel bad about it. Mom lets him talk to her that way to and he just argues with her.. she has been called a nag by him for saying anything. You know what is so bad about it? I am becoming hateful towards them more each day. Neither one of them understand that I am not as young as I used to be and they just don't get it. They are lucky to have me around because when I get old.. I will not have anyone to take care of me at the rate I am going and neither of them see it that way. No potential boyfriend will want to meet my Dad.. he would yell at them before they got one foot in the door.. :veryangry:
 

shyflower

Well-known member
I'm sorry, seriously, who doesn't come to help someone when they fall down the stairs!? In my opinion, if your mom can fend for herself she should do so, and if you still want to help your dad, tell him to show you more respect and appreciation or he can fend for himself too/
I don't know why but "shut up" has always been the biggest insult in my eyes. No one has the right to say that to you, especially not the person you're helping 24/7.

I don't see where he is ever going to be any different. He hasn't tried to be any different when it comes to his attitude. When I am being told to "Shut Up".. yes that really does anger me.. the appreciation and thank you's have never been said from him to me.. I guess he is going to make me mean towards him in return because I grow bitter hearing those words.

He wouldn't be happy if a million bucks fell on his head.... :sarcastic:
 

rumblejaded

Well-known member
Just try to understand and be patient. Maybe, your dad is also going through some tough time. I am not saying that what you feel is not important, it is sure is. But just be the bigger person in this situation.Good luck!
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I'm so sorry he's acting like that. Do you think he might have depression? It might explain the way he's lashing out at you.

Wether he has depression or not is no excuse to treat the person that's helping him like that.

Shyflower, it Sounds like you need a weeks break, a holiday, or you yourself run the risk of becoming depressed.
Your mother...well it seems with all the help your giving, you're actually enabling her to be lazy.
Good luck, I hope things work out for you.
 
One word: Boundaries. Whatever issues your father is going through, letting your father treat you like crap will just result in two people at his emotional level and won't help him feel better. If he is not willing to treat you better you might have to make the difficult decision of separating yourself from the situation. At the end of the day, the only person you are responsible for is yourself.I know from personal experience how difficult that is to accept when you love someone and want to help them. But you can only help people who are willing to help themselves so set BOUNDARIES.




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