my current work experiences

[tommydog]

hey everyone

currently im working as a fencer. Iv done this job various times before, but havnt done it for about a year, up until this week. Matter of fact, i havnt done much of anything for about a yer :lol:

So anyway, hands have gotten soft again, not to mention work ethic has gone out the window, laziness has gone up to redline.

Iv found that i'v been having short stints of feeling great at work, but mostly im either mildly anxious, i rather grudgingly working .. sometimes i just plain out fuckin hate it.

However, when i come home, i feel absolutely fantastic. And i mean, like the best iv ever felt. Very confident, very happy, and very chirpy. Because iv dug fuckin holes and mixed concrete and gotten covered in shit for 8 hours, but then i get home and i feel great that i did it and i feel alot of pride in myself.

Just thought id let you guys know .... it might be helpful for some of you

the contrast in my thinking is incredible though .. i mean at work, particularly toward the end of the day .. im all fuck this, fuck that, motherfucker, :lol: and then i get home, my attitude goes right to the other end of the spectrum, everything is roses, and im like completely optimistic its great :lol:

a long time ago i once read this self help book, and the guy in it said something i still havnt forgotten, because it is absolutely true ....

"when you do the hard things, life becomes easy"

 

[Hamble]

I really, really want to have that feeling at the end of a hard day of work. I love and miss working. I used to be a chef before I quit and moved location and loved it but it's not somthing I want to do again. I hated the hours and lack of spare time. So the only other option for me is a clean, stress free 9-5 office job.
The brick wall im hitting now, is the absolute fear and dread of phoning employers, the 8O interviews 8O and not to mention being the "new girl" and having to socialise with strangers during breaks and also using phones infront of strangers.
*whacks head on keyboard* totally irrational, I know, and I know I have to "get over it" and get on with it. I'm just not very good with a sledge hammer and those brick walls are built very strong and high at the moment :roll:

 

[Lucy40]

I havent worked for 15 years due to my social phobia and being absolutely terrified at the thought of it, what can i do? how would i cope? what would other people think of me? Ive started a computer course locally and seem to be doing okay and someone who has been working with me at the job centre is trying to get me a work placement in an office. They will be made aware of my social phobia and what things i can/cant cope with. NO reception duties, phone duties, etc. (not sure i will be much use) and although im sort of looking forward to it, when the day comes i know i will be terrified, but im going to do it anyway. Oh how i want to be "normal" and work and earn some money, instead of feeling useless and worthless and knowing its my fault we never have a holiday and cant afford nice things for the house (im married with one child). My husband has supported me financially for 15 years since i gave up work to have my daughter, i know hes fed up with it, IM fed up with it. Social phobia has completely wrecked my life.

 

[Hamble]

Social phobia has completely wrecked my life....

...so far. But you seem to looking to the future and trying to fix things. You're on a computer course, which is a great start career wise, and brave. As for being useless....you've given birth to and raised another human being? That makes you more amazing and has got to be more of an achievement than being an office manager of some boring firm surely? And i dont think you should blame yourself for not being able to afford a holiday etc, most couples with kids cant do that.

Good luck with the course and placement, you're halfway there!

 

[Lucy40]

Hamble, many thanks for your kind words, they made me smile.

 

[Hamble]

No worries

 

[Dedication]

Tommy_15...when you said fencer I thought you meant with like fencing with swords or something :lol: (yes, I know, I'm a bit slow on the uptake...but that might not be a bad job, either). Anyway...I think that working hard at something is good for the soul. What's that old saying..."An idle mind is the devil's playground" or is it "workshop"?...some blather like that.

The hard part for me is getting through the day, though. If I'm focused on work I'm okay but if I have to deal with a lot of people or when my mind wanders a little I start thinking really negative thoughts...then I feel like dropping everything and walking straight over to the loonie bin. It's also the anticipation of going to work that really messes with my head. I can't sleep...I over-eat...I feel like dying which is not cool at all. There'd be few hours of euphoria after getting home from work but the head creeps would start all over again after that. Damn!

Good luck with the job...it's great to hear that working hard can make you feel that good.

Lucy40...good luck to you as well. You sound very capable to me

 

[Chilling__Echo]

lucy, kudos to you. you seem to have really tried though. and kudos to your husband who doesn't get too frustrated and sticks by you. it takes alot.

tommy, awesome on working. i'm not working now b/c i'm a student and i really hate bumming off my parents! i might worry about money as much as i worry about SA things. i get freaked out when i think that i'm going to have to get another one this summer, i have to build that tolerance to that new job agaiin, force myself to be comfortable (if that makes sense). but it's worth it. having a job really helped my SA alot. i'm just always afraid i won't find a job that i can handle emotionally. but things always work out