My 13 yr old son is being bullied

[antibully]

My son is 13 yrs old. he is a very caring young man. He is an 8th grader and the bullying for him started in middle school. The school counselor tells him to ignore the bullies and to just walk away. After days and days of taunting and teasing he asks me how do you just ignore it? They "accidentally" bump into him. My feeling is, that I would love to go down to the school and beat some ass and get a few kicks in while they're down. They don't realize that's what they're doing to my son. Reality is of course I won't nor can't take that action as much as I want to. So what do I do? My son has always been one of the smallest kids in his class. So I don't think fighting back is an option. What is wrong with our youth? What the heck are their parents doing? Maybe that's where i need to start with the ass kicking. Please give me some advice. For those of you who are thinking about criticizing me for talking about ass kicking...please it's just a joke. Sometimes when you're really angry you've got to laugh a little.

 

[Foxglove]

Hey, I would want to beat some asses, too. Starting with those of the parents. I think kids learn this sort of behavior at home. Where else? Maybe you could talk to the parents of these little creeps. It could be that they don't know what their little angels are up to. Or you could check with other parents to see if they are having trouble with these kids, too. My son was being bullied and harrassed from 1st grade through 3rd grade (he's in 5th grade now). All our attempts at speaking with the teacher and the parents did no good. Only when other parents started to complain about this bully were steps taken to quell his activities. That really pissed me off, like we weren't credible enough. Have you spoken with teachers, or the school principal? I think there should be a zero tolerance policy regarding bullies at school. I'm really sorry you are going through this. I know how tough it is as a parent to see your child suffer and to feel helpless and powerless to do something about it.

 

[sabbath92001]

Can you take him out of school and home-school him? I wasn't really bullied at school but I stopped going when I was 15, took a g.e.d. test at 16 and graduated from community college when I was 18. The public school system is set up to keep kids dumb.

 

[antibully]

I have spoke to the dean of students several times. In fact the last time I spoke to him he said, " Oh yeah I've spoke to you once before". I said no, you've spoke to me several times. Basically they referred my son to the counselor to learn how to deal with the little shits. One of the boys was talked to and supposedly they spoke to his parents too. The dean also said he would have the PE teachers keep an eye on things. They do have a 0 tolerance to bullies but honestly they don't really do much. I'm afraid my son isn't telling me everything because he doesn't want me getting involved. I tell him he does not deserve to be treated this way and that I can't help if he doesn't talk to me. I really hate these kids.

No, I won't consider home school.

 

[Tryin]

My son is 13 yrs old. he is a very caring young man. He is an 8th grader and the bullying for him started in middle school. The school counselor tells him to ignore the bullies and to just walk away. After days and days of taunting and teasing he asks me how do you just ignore it? They "accidentally" bump into him. My feeling is, that I would love to go down to the school and beat some ass and get a few kicks in while they're down. They don't realize that's what they're doing to my son. Reality is of course I won't nor can't take that action as much as I want to. So what do I do? My son has always been one of the smallest kids in his class. So I don't think fighting back is an option. What is wrong with our youth? What the heck are their parents doing? Maybe that's where i need to start with the ass kicking. Please give me some advice. For those of you who are thinking about criticizing me for talking about ass kicking...please it's just a joke. Sometimes when you're really angry you've got to laugh a little.

Well, your son is lucky to have a responsible and caring mum and you surely can be a huge, HUGE help for him. But it's his life and his problem - let HIM find the solution. You wrote you were afraid your son wasn't telling you everything b/c he didn't want you involved. Well, don't be afraid. The best thing you can do (and this comes from a formerly bullied person) is stay calm and loving. Make it clear that your son can tell you anything and that he can ask you for help, but let it be his decision. If he decides that he doesn't want you involved... whether he wants to solve it by himself or to lie down and accept the bulliyng, I'm afraid you'll have to accept his decision.

Oh, and you might want to ask him if he wishes to move to another school. [/quote]

 

[antibully]

Thanks for the advice and encouraging words. I have asked him about moving to another school but he doesn't want to leave his friends because of bullies.

 

[SocialRetahd]

I was beaten up in middle school a few times and my dad didn't do anything. I even took pictures of my bruises.

 

[Foxglove]

Maybe taking a self defense course isn't a bad idea. When I was in high school, I was ganged up on by a group of black girls (there were racial problems in the school I went to, back in 1980). I was just one of those kids who seemed to have "easy victim" tattooed on my forehead. My parents made me sign up for Tae Kwon Do classes and I must say it helped me gain more confidence. Not necessarily in being personable and friendly, but feeling able to fight back if I really had to, which I never had to put to the test, thank goodness. I even got my black belt in 2 and 1/2 years. The point of taking Karate or Tae Kwon Do or whatever isn't beating other people up, but gaining self confidence. If you don't walk around anymore like a scared little mouse, people are less likely to pick on you. It's well known that bullies tend to pick on people who look defenseless and vulnerable, because they are cowards at heart. My son is now in Ju-Jitsu classes, and while I don't know if he could really use it if he had to, I think it has given him more confidence. Do you think your son would be interested in taking a self defense course?

 

[ooSOULCRYoo]

Hello antibully! In my opinion when it comes to bullies, it's not a good idea for the parent to step in. I think it would only make it worse. You know how kids are, when you tell them not to do something they do it more. I was once bullied by a group of mexican girls in Jr. High. They would call me names and bump into me while passing by. I tried to ignore them and not let it bother me. Until one day I just had enough :twisted: . I stood up for myself, and it turned into a throwdown. I knew how to defend myself because my brother would always beat me up. We both got suspended but after that they left me alone. I'm not saying that violence is the answer but like Foxglove said. Maybe a self defense class would help. Like kick boxing or like street fighting. If I had a son that was getting bullied, I would tell him to stand up for himself. Bullies pray on the weak and the kids that snitch.

 

[LarissaAnn]

I respect SoulCry's opinion but every bullying victim is different, for some parent involvment might make it worse, for others it could make it better, it's hard to say.
My best advice is KEEP ON SUPPORTING HIM, the things bullies say to children can begin to stick over time and the child will start believing them, so always praise him and always let him know how wonderful he is. He may be standoffish over talking about the bullying (I DEFINITELY was) but DO NOT push it if he doesn't want to talk it, he will feel more isolated, but just let him know that you are there for him ALWAYS, if he does confide you just remind him of how everything that is said to/about him is not true, and let him know that you are on his side and that you'll do what he wants as far as in whatever approach to take about it.
Sending you both my love and support and I hope things brighten up soon!
Love,
Lori

 

[antibully]

Wow! Thank you so much...all of you. I will keep your advice in mind. I will talk to him about taking a self defense class, will let all of you know what's happening. Once again...thank you.

Carie

 

[antibully]

Hello everyone. Well, the bullying has not stopped. It's only happening in PE so I am seriously considering telling the school he will not be attending PE anymore. The teasing and taunting hasn't stopped, in fact, he has been keeping things from me. I know these kids are mentally breaking him down and it really pisses me off! Anyway tell me what you think.

Thanks,

carie aka antibully

 

[antibully]

Should I take my son out of PE? what do you guys think?

 

[Tryin]

Should I take my son out of PE? what do you guys think?

Only if he wants you to.

 

[MikeM]

Bullying will not stop unless your son stands strong, self defense class can only help him so much seeing as he is smaller then most of the kids bullying him. Remember your son is under the age of 18 meaning anything on his criminal record can be cleaned off. im 19 now and haven't been bullied for awhile, what i did was started going to the gym, year and a half of good nutrition and a good steady workout schedual i was now one of the bigger guys in the school (highschool). not to mention that during the time i was working out i received an amazingly large stress reduction. Working out gives you something to be proud of, it gives you something too look forward to and also relives anger. as your son builds more confidance you can expect himt o knock a few kids out, with or without weapons. Unfortuantly violence is what the media projects, so if your son somehow aquired a pair of brass knuckles and broke the bullys ribs, then he would be more respected by the kids, and the bully would then be the one bullied. (remember his record get cleaned, if it even makes it onto his record)

what goes around comes around.

 

[MikeM]

oh and do it off school hours, preferably with no witnesses you know the deal im sure haha, dont do it yourself! and make sure you dont help him in any way! or it will come back onto you.

 

[bigDean636]

I don't have children, but I was bullied when I was young and my parents told me to ignore it. I did (or, tried, no one can actually ignore it). It pretty much shattered my self-esteem.
Therefore, it is my opinion that you need to encourage your son to stand up for himself, even if it means he's going to get his ass beaten. I would give anything to be able to go back and just take a good ass kicking once or twice, instead of having zero confidence or self-esteem for the rest of my life.

 

[bigDean636]

Hahaha, MikeM's post is awesome, and yet completely impractical at the same time.
On that note... any chance you can drop a nuclear warhead on the bullies houses?

 

[akelegajo]

lol i have been bullyed last day, and i didnt do anything to the bully, just stared at him with a mean look and he walked away, lol thats how u deal with bullys!

i've experienced humiliaring scenes in school and ppl usually call me a weirdo cause i dont react to bullys, but one time i was being bullyed by 2 guys, i droped my schoolbag, and yelled "im gonna beat the shit out of you, if i see you two again, oh and call ur other buddies to help ya, see if i care assholes!"
just make your son react to those dipshits, ur son must be real confident first, so those assholes can see that he's not afraid of them

 

[cantgetout]

I started getting bullied around that age as well and it's really not easy living in fear in a place where u spend most of your next coming years... anyway like the previous user said confidence is the key but it also helps if he has a group of friends, practices some kind of sport or does gym... self defense class is ok too i guess
bullying probably won't happen if he does this cuz they only attack loners( like myself ), lucky me i hit the height of 6 feet when i was about 15 and somehow all my trouble stopped :lol:

hope you solved your son's problem by now :wink: