Sable
Well-known member
I think my depression is back. I thought I had managed to get rid of it, that it was more a symptom of my SA rather than a condition of its own, but now I'm not so sure. Lately, especially in the last couple of weeks, I have been feeling absoloutely terrible about myself. I despise myself almost all of the time. I have also been having these really drastic mood swings. They're really bad. One minute I'm feeling ok, and then something really minor bothers me, and before I know it I've retreated into my room, either in a horrible rage, or in tears. Tonight my legs bear the bruises from when I couldn't gift wrap a tin of chocolates earlier. Right now I'm feeling deeply depressed, as though there's someone standing on my chest. It doesn't feel physically hard to breathe or anything, it just feels like there's this weight on me.
I'm once again obsessed with the numbers on the bathroom scales. When I eat I feel like a failure. When I don't I feel like I'm betraying myself and my family. I just want to disappear.
I'm not really expecting any advice or anything in posting this. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I am not going to the doctor about this. I refuse to lose another year of my life to disgusting anti-depressents, sleeping tablets and more appointments with that useless councellor.
I'm once again obsessed with the numbers on the bathroom scales. When I eat I feel like a failure. When I don't I feel like I'm betraying myself and my family. I just want to disappear.
I'm not really expecting any advice or anything in posting this. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I am not going to the doctor about this. I refuse to lose another year of my life to disgusting anti-depressents, sleeping tablets and more appointments with that useless councellor.