Moments of no anxiety

[Tuco]

Do you have moments when your anxiety completely disappears when interacting with other people? This has happened to me a few times. For example, three years ago I took an advanced english course (my native language is spanish), and right from the beginning I participated actively, expressing my opinions (one time I had to sing in front of the class, and I did it without so much as blushing, as if I was in the shower or something), I was perhaps the most active student in that course, anyone who didn’t know me could have mistaken me for an extroverted person (nothing could be further from the truth). But the last day of class everyone was talking about going out for pizza or something to celebrate; alarms started going off in my head, and I got the hell out of there as soon as I could, and never saw any of them again. This exemplifies my total incapability to establish a personal relationship with anyone.

 

[SeattleSomeone]

Yeah I have had a couple times this year where I was almost extroverted. It was exhilarating but I noticed I burned out from the excitement pretty quick. By the next day I was back to my shy self. I noticed it was me thinking of what others like, i.e. being noticed and being smiled at. When I did these two things they responded with a genuine smile of their own and we talked for a while. But like you Tuco, when there is a party or get together I tend to freak out a bit and not join the group. It really seems like I need to psyche myself into a mental place to be open with people, but sometimes the weight of mental negativity is to strong. I found that meditating every day helps me center my mind so I'm not consumed by the negativity, it would be good to try that if you don't already. I hope for all the best for you Tuco.

 

[Tuco]

Yeah I have had a couple times this year where I was almost extroverted. It was exhilarating but I noticed I burned out from the excitement pretty quick. By the next day I was back to my shy self. I noticed it was me thinking of what others like, i.e. being noticed and being smiled at. When I did these two things they responded with a genuine smile of their own and we talked for a while. But like you Tuco, when there is a party or get together I tend to freak out a bit and not join the group. It really seems like I need to psyche myself into a mental place to be open with people, but sometimes the weight of mental negativity is to strong. I found that meditating every day helps me center my mind so I'm not consumed by the negativity, it would be good to try that if you don't already. I hope for all the best for you Tuco.

I have never tried meditating. What kind of meditation are you referring to? trascendental meditation? the one that involves mantras? because I am under the impression that you have to be a spiritual person to do it, and I am not a spiritual person at all, but I could be wrong about that. Anyway, I think you're right about negativity, I am very pessimistic, I need to work hard on that and maybe I can beat this thing and change my life. Thanks a lot.

 

[shredman]

I have never tried meditating. What kind of meditation are you referring to? trascendental meditation? the one that involves mantras? because I am under the impression that you have to be a spiritual person to do it, and I am not a spiritual person at all, but I could be wrong about that. Anyway, I think you're right about negativity, I am very pessimistic, I need to work hard on that and maybe I can beat this thing and change my life. Thanks a lot.

Give it a crack, I find it helpful. You dont have to be a new age hippy or Buddhist Monk to do it. There are probably a few good tutorials online but a simple one is just get your self comfortable, close your eyes and breathe slowly & deeply from the pit of your stomach. Focus on your breath going in & out and count each breath. When you get to 10 start again. Do it for as long as you think its required. A quick 5 mins or 30 mins if you have more time. Unless your a zen master your mind will probably wander but dont worry about it and just let the thoughts pass. Sometimes you'll forget what number you were up to but just start again. The more you do it the more focussed you will be become.

There is also a real simple one I use at work that great to help with anxiety

1. Take a long slow breath to the count of three (in your head)
2. Hold this beath for 2 seconds 1... 2
3. Release this breath to the count of 3 seconds (in your head)
4. Repeat a few times
5. Dont forget to resume normal breathing ::

 

[freestylemonster]

I've had moments like this. Actually just today I invited my one good bud, an older friend who I don't see very often and a girl that I kinda like to go to the beach with me. They all came and it was weird because, although by traditional standards I may have been kinda quiet, I felt no anxiety and I spoke when I felt like it was necessary. It was really nice! I hope I can be like that more often!

 

[EscapeArtist]

Around others or around myself? I strain myself to act correctly to myself as well.
Around other people... when my family goes on long car rides, everybody falls asleep in the car and wakes up well rested and in the same timeless situation. This is when I feel most comfortable around anybody, it doesn't matter who's in the car, as long as it's 6+ hours long. My guess is that long hikes would give the same effect, of being exhausted with somebody for long periods of time. I always become instantly comfortable when I've become sleep deprived or physically worn out with another person.

Times when i'm not anxious alone... I constantly worry that i'm not getting as much as I should be from "the moment". This must be when nature chimes in, mother nature slaps "the moment" in my face and doesn't let me miss it, hence i'm too distracted to be anxious about missing out on 'the moment'.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

No, at least not around anyone other than my mom.

 

[Masychefx2]

i wish

maybe talking to my parents cos that dont make me anxiety

 

[SeattleSomeone]

Tuco, Its funny that you would say you're not sure if you can meditate cause your not spiritual because I'm not spiritual either, but I realized that relaxing the mind as meditation does is like liquid plumber for anxiety, it flushes it for a bit. shredman gave a perfect explanation on how you can do it. I see people as a whole having two things that make up their minds, reasoning and emotion. My reasoning believes in the philosophy of materialism, which is that there is a material function that can explain the reason why everything is, not spiritual. But that leaves the emotion side of the mind feeling a bit cold some times. So how do I fill my emotional side so it feels content and genuinely happy? The only answer I can see is from other people and myself. We are social creatures, its just what evolution has made of our mental makeup, so having friends is part of being a healthy human. Focusing and strengthening the mind is the foundation of seeing yourself and others in a realistic but positive light. So go to sight like youtube and check out the meditation videos. They will give a simple visual explanation about how to calm the mind, its helping me.