Messed-Up words?
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wistful_dementia
Well-known member
Mocking, yes definitely, and especially from girls. Most of the times it seems that I will unconciously speak very softly and the person I am speaking to won't understand me. They will then look at me strangely and say nothing or ask me to repeat myself. But, yes, sometimes I will try to force a word out and it will sound like complete nonsense. As far as wanting to cry- are us guys allowed to do that?
Strange, but I was going through another redicule session today in my spanish class and I was thinking to myself- this is why I hated grade school so much! Does the social competition ever end? I know most people want to feel like they belong but why does that have to entail trying to boost their own esteems by degrading worthless losers like myself. I must admit, I am jealous, alot of quiet females are actually able to make friends regardless. Myself- I'm just a wierdo- potentially dangerous (they must think), eventhough I absolutely would never physically or (intentionally) mentally hurt someone unless I absolutely had to defend myself.
Gawd, I am feeling like shit today.... this girl who started talking to me at the beginning of the semester and I thought I could be great friends with me- turned on me after I got up the nerve to hang out with her. Ironic, but she said that she has SAD too (i'm not too sure). One day she invited me out for coffee after class, we hung out for hours and hours and I thought she really liked me, as a friend anyways.... and then I made the dumbass mistake of admitting that I found her attractive- stupid, because at this point what I want most is a friend. Anyways, the very next day she IM's me telling me she can't be a friend to someone that finds her attractive. And, ever since then her and her new friends in class have been making sarcastic comments in class at my expense. And talk about paranoia... i was the first out of my class to go up to the registration office to make a tuition payment and turn around because their was some loud and obnoxious talking going on.... and who is it- it's them- they look at me and go silent- my 'almost friend' gets quiet and I just know she probably thinks that I am some wierdo stalker. Sucks because eventhough her behaviour has hurt me, I'm not going to go chasing after her begging for her friendship.
All shits and giggles I guess... I try to get better... but I must admit, I am probably a complete dumbass who can't converse with anyone. Maybe that isn't completely true, because I have had moments when I talked at ease and had total fun- wasn't self concious- but this is a trick that my brain plays to give my hopes up- it all is... I have never felt witty enough to belong with anyone and to make things worse when I am called upon in class to speak, I look completely ignorant, because my brain just shuts down, and nothing comes out right. I told myself in the past that I am intelligent in certain ways- and it is probably true that I am- such as creativity and analytical skills, but I am 30 now and have always been afraid of growing old and dying alone..... hey at least I can be a scholar, but I will still be alone and people will continue to think that I am a freak. Well I have to do some studying and some meditation now... sorry, if I freaked anyone out- I just had to get that out- I am tired of hiding my feelings. Oops, this was supposed to be a response to another persons posting- sorry, I'm not the most optomistic at the moment- but I can relate- things will get better I am sure- just got to keep trying right. Oops, I forgot- I just shouldn't be egocentric.
Strange, but I was going through another redicule session today in my spanish class and I was thinking to myself- this is why I hated grade school so much! Does the social competition ever end? I know most people want to feel like they belong but why does that have to entail trying to boost their own esteems by degrading worthless losers like myself. I must admit, I am jealous, alot of quiet females are actually able to make friends regardless. Myself- I'm just a wierdo- potentially dangerous (they must think), eventhough I absolutely would never physically or (intentionally) mentally hurt someone unless I absolutely had to defend myself.
Gawd, I am feeling like shit today.... this girl who started talking to me at the beginning of the semester and I thought I could be great friends with me- turned on me after I got up the nerve to hang out with her. Ironic, but she said that she has SAD too (i'm not too sure). One day she invited me out for coffee after class, we hung out for hours and hours and I thought she really liked me, as a friend anyways.... and then I made the dumbass mistake of admitting that I found her attractive- stupid, because at this point what I want most is a friend. Anyways, the very next day she IM's me telling me she can't be a friend to someone that finds her attractive. And, ever since then her and her new friends in class have been making sarcastic comments in class at my expense. And talk about paranoia... i was the first out of my class to go up to the registration office to make a tuition payment and turn around because their was some loud and obnoxious talking going on.... and who is it- it's them- they look at me and go silent- my 'almost friend' gets quiet and I just know she probably thinks that I am some wierdo stalker. Sucks because eventhough her behaviour has hurt me, I'm not going to go chasing after her begging for her friendship.
All shits and giggles I guess... I try to get better... but I must admit, I am probably a complete dumbass who can't converse with anyone. Maybe that isn't completely true, because I have had moments when I talked at ease and had total fun- wasn't self concious- but this is a trick that my brain plays to give my hopes up- it all is... I have never felt witty enough to belong with anyone and to make things worse when I am called upon in class to speak, I look completely ignorant, because my brain just shuts down, and nothing comes out right. I told myself in the past that I am intelligent in certain ways- and it is probably true that I am- such as creativity and analytical skills, but I am 30 now and have always been afraid of growing old and dying alone..... hey at least I can be a scholar, but I will still be alone and people will continue to think that I am a freak. Well I have to do some studying and some meditation now... sorry, if I freaked anyone out- I just had to get that out- I am tired of hiding my feelings. Oops, this was supposed to be a response to another persons posting- sorry, I'm not the most optomistic at the moment- but I can relate- things will get better I am sure- just got to keep trying right. Oops, I forgot- I just shouldn't be egocentric.
Flax
Active member
The only time I'm usually made fun of is by my friends and it's in a joking way. There was one time when I was in algebra that someone noticed my quietness and said that I was probably one of those guys that would shoot up the school. And my step mother said I looked like I was going to become a serial killer when I grew up. I can take friendly joking, but I hate when people compare me with killers to get laughs. I don't really think it's funny and it aggravates my already large anxiety about looking like a creep.
Yossarian
Well-known member
My advice, don't care what impression you make. Be polite, courteous and keep it short. Before you answer, compose yourself, take a deep breath as you finish breathing out just say one word like Hi. Don't rush yourself. I have in the past, words coming out in a chaotic frenzied mess trying to say too much. A lot of speach therapists tend to use rythm and tempo to help patients, which I think are applicable here as well. Some of the best speakers tend to be slow and deliberate. Focus on what you are saying and not what the other person might think. All of this is easy to say I know. It's just for me, over time keeping it slow and short has helped until I feel more comfortable and relaxed with whom I'm speaking to. Remember conversation is a two way thing, let them bear some of the burden.
Yossarian
Well-known member
And Wistful how old are these people? They sound like school kids. You've got every right to be pissed off. All you did was be nice to someone. Yeah real fucking crime that eh! Remember this person liked you before so you've got something right. So you found her attractive? What the fuck's her problem? She should be flattered. How can they mock you for that?
She's the one with problems not you my friend. If you ever felt brave enough you should challenge her. If she slags you off, point out she liked you and the only reason that changed is because you found her attractive. So the only leg she has to stand on is finding someone attractive is some how wrong. Yeah I'd like to hear her argue that.
O.k. she doesn't feel the same. o.k. she can't be friends with some one who fancies her (personally I find that weird but it's her right) , that doesn't justify her treatment of you since.
Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know her, I don't know how you told her or how you came across. I don't know what these comments they make are or in what context they occur. Do not however blame yourself, you did what any 'normal' person would do, you took a brave step in admitting your feelings and should congratulate yourself for it. This may not stop the bitching but you should keep perspective and realise they are the ones in the wrong, not you. The only way you'll find the right girl for you is to keep trying so don't let fuckwits like these deter you.
She's the one with problems not you my friend. If you ever felt brave enough you should challenge her. If she slags you off, point out she liked you and the only reason that changed is because you found her attractive. So the only leg she has to stand on is finding someone attractive is some how wrong. Yeah I'd like to hear her argue that.
O.k. she doesn't feel the same. o.k. she can't be friends with some one who fancies her (personally I find that weird but it's her right) , that doesn't justify her treatment of you since.
Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know her, I don't know how you told her or how you came across. I don't know what these comments they make are or in what context they occur. Do not however blame yourself, you did what any 'normal' person would do, you took a brave step in admitting your feelings and should congratulate yourself for it. This may not stop the bitching but you should keep perspective and realise they are the ones in the wrong, not you. The only way you'll find the right girl for you is to keep trying so don't let fuckwits like these deter you.
Anonymous
Well-known member
It's coming from the seemingly endless well of wisdom that is worrydoll. Damn you! Yet again you've quelled the angry wrath of my self-righteous fury and yet again you were right to do so. 
Your point did cross my mind and I had started writing something similar but stopped at saying I didn't understand the circumstances etc. The reason I stopped was because Wistful mentioned they made sarcastic comments, I understand in theory what you say Dollface but have you ever then went on to be nasty towards this person who scared you? I accept my post was one sided but being SP does not give you the right to hurt other people, which I will assume you agree with.
The last thing I want is to encourage Wistful into being a foul mouthed raving lunatic like me :lol: So bless you yet again Woz. Perhaps we need to know more about these sarcastic comments before we can get to the bottom of it. So come on Wisty Cuffs dish the dirt! Who knows, maybe Wozza's right (as usual), maybe there is hope.
Your point did cross my mind and I had started writing something similar but stopped at saying I didn't understand the circumstances etc. The reason I stopped was because Wistful mentioned they made sarcastic comments, I understand in theory what you say Dollface but have you ever then went on to be nasty towards this person who scared you? I accept my post was one sided but being SP does not give you the right to hurt other people, which I will assume you agree with.
The last thing I want is to encourage Wistful into being a foul mouthed raving lunatic like me :lol: So bless you yet again Woz. Perhaps we need to know more about these sarcastic comments before we can get to the bottom of it. So come on Wisty Cuffs dish the dirt! Who knows, maybe Wozza's right (as usual), maybe there is hope.
wistful_dementia
Well-known member
Oh no, by no means do I think she 'was' a bitch or led me. And I think worrydoll is right she took what I said the wrong way- got scared and blew it out of proportion. Eventhough all the rejection hurt because I felt that this girl and I had alot in common and alot to offer each other as friends, I don't hold the rejection against her.
I think the problem comes from her immaturity. When this girl and I first started talking we got along great and I remember her current friends just staring at us like oh my god look at this cool, cute girl talking to this wierdo (they would stare but I am of course being paranoid about the thoughts- no proof there-but they did stare). In anycase, I missed the next day of school after our coffee outing. So the next time that I go to class (after her IMng me to let me know that she couldn't hang with me) they were all hanging together- she was ignoring me of course, and her friends were making smart ass comments such as 'oh will you be my friend' to 'R' (my almost friend). And, R of course would play along.
Ok, so the possibilities now are- she doesn't know how to handle the situation in a mature manner and is being defensive. She makes fun of me with her friends- this is a bonding experience between her and her new friends as well as a way to feel more at ease (to lighten up her own discomfort at my expense). But the sad thing is, to this day she and her friends make comments- not too overtly so not to attract the professor's attention- but just condescending and sarcastic comments. It gets old. But, her friends philosophies are basically might makes right and that I am weak and should be stronger (especially since I am a man). I also believe that they would like to convince her that I am a total loser and of no value to R. It's not true- I've had friends when I use to get drunk all the time in my 20's.
In my opion, just because I don't have experience soberly socializing, doesn't mean that I don't have anything as a friend to offer anyone. Ideally, speaking for myself, I would like to have friends who have diverse personalities and tastes... while having fun is important... there is more to life than superficial party friends. Every person is (or should be) unique and have unique things to offer in a friendship. Oh well, enough of my bantering.... you are right Worry, but only partially, I think... it is good to get a female perspective but at least you can attempt to see things partially from my view- I mean everything in context. I am still human the last I checked... and I don't want to grow old alone and I want to develope social skills and to hopefully overcome SAD... but the older I get the more dismal my situation appears.... and this childish aggressiveness of people trying to emotionally destroy what they view as weak (so what, I am quiet and thoughtful!) has to end. Does it? Probably not, I just need to learn how to stop caring.
Well, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself before I manage to slip into another depression... it is just tiring... if people don't like me then why can't they just leave me alone?
Oh yeah, just to let you know- I have let go of the friendship idea- if R wants to be friends and changes her mind then I am here, but I am not a wierdo stalker and I am not laying around dreaming of friendship with her. I am just sooo tired of arrogant, simple minded people. Soooo tired!
I think the problem comes from her immaturity. When this girl and I first started talking we got along great and I remember her current friends just staring at us like oh my god look at this cool, cute girl talking to this wierdo (they would stare but I am of course being paranoid about the thoughts- no proof there-but they did stare). In anycase, I missed the next day of school after our coffee outing. So the next time that I go to class (after her IMng me to let me know that she couldn't hang with me) they were all hanging together- she was ignoring me of course, and her friends were making smart ass comments such as 'oh will you be my friend' to 'R' (my almost friend). And, R of course would play along.
Ok, so the possibilities now are- she doesn't know how to handle the situation in a mature manner and is being defensive. She makes fun of me with her friends- this is a bonding experience between her and her new friends as well as a way to feel more at ease (to lighten up her own discomfort at my expense). But the sad thing is, to this day she and her friends make comments- not too overtly so not to attract the professor's attention- but just condescending and sarcastic comments. It gets old. But, her friends philosophies are basically might makes right and that I am weak and should be stronger (especially since I am a man). I also believe that they would like to convince her that I am a total loser and of no value to R. It's not true- I've had friends when I use to get drunk all the time in my 20's.
In my opion, just because I don't have experience soberly socializing, doesn't mean that I don't have anything as a friend to offer anyone. Ideally, speaking for myself, I would like to have friends who have diverse personalities and tastes... while having fun is important... there is more to life than superficial party friends. Every person is (or should be) unique and have unique things to offer in a friendship. Oh well, enough of my bantering.... you are right Worry, but only partially, I think... it is good to get a female perspective but at least you can attempt to see things partially from my view- I mean everything in context. I am still human the last I checked... and I don't want to grow old alone and I want to develope social skills and to hopefully overcome SAD... but the older I get the more dismal my situation appears.... and this childish aggressiveness of people trying to emotionally destroy what they view as weak (so what, I am quiet and thoughtful!) has to end. Does it? Probably not, I just need to learn how to stop caring.
Well, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself before I manage to slip into another depression... it is just tiring... if people don't like me then why can't they just leave me alone?
Oh yeah, just to let you know- I have let go of the friendship idea- if R wants to be friends and changes her mind then I am here, but I am not a wierdo stalker and I am not laying around dreaming of friendship with her. I am just sooo tired of arrogant, simple minded people. Soooo tired!
LilMissTragic
Well-known member
Well i wish I got compliments like that...I'd probably faint but i would be nice to know if someone thought that about me. That girl is probably shocked and not used to compliments, thats why she backed away, probably uncomfortable with her looks.
Anonymous
Well-known member
maybe that is part of it + she thought I came on too strong.. the point is I am looking for a friend first and foremost- anything more would be a bonus, but not my priority. Maybe, she wrongly thought that I am not capable of friendship and got scared and maybe she is not able to take compliments. In anycase, I don't understand why she has to carry on her insult sessions with her new found friends. It has been a few weeks since our all night outing at the cafe. Oh well, it is strange, but everyone of us has different factors making up our SAD.
I still wonder how attractive or cute people can convince themselves that they are ugly when they aren't. Such as 'R' and lilmiss. And, I think this girl is very beautiful. Almost sounds like body dismorphic disorder. And besides looks are only part of the picture- to me it is good for initial attraction, but even a plain or average looking woman can be very attractive if they have a great personality, mind, and heart. Just my opinion maybe. Take care....
I still wonder how attractive or cute people can convince themselves that they are ugly when they aren't. Such as 'R' and lilmiss. And, I think this girl is very beautiful. Almost sounds like body dismorphic disorder. And besides looks are only part of the picture- to me it is good for initial attraction, but even a plain or average looking woman can be very attractive if they have a great personality, mind, and heart. Just my opinion maybe. Take care....
wistful_dementia
Well-known member
Strange, R' sent me an email today. She says that her friends and she were not ridiculing me. I think that it is possible that she is being truthful, if she wasn't then why would she go throught the trouble of emailing me? It is possible that because I was feeling rejected and vulnerable that I misconstrue her joking around with her friend about things that had nothing to do with me... it was just that the timing of her jokes where uncanny and seemed... I don't know like they were meant to be 'over my head' or esoteric. Things like 'oh will you be my friend?' and the constant giggling was very distracting and I became defensive. In anycase she believes that I take offense or get angry to easily... which I don't believe I do... I do tend to get all tensed up in uncomfortable social situations and can come off as angry- but really I am just tense... due to lack of communication I didn't understand her motivation of not wanting friendship after a seemingly enjoyable night out (for me anyways). And, I didn't understand her behavior in class afterwards... not talking to me and all. I feel really bad now, I always thought she has the right to pick and choose who she hangs with; I never was offended or angry and I think that it is only a little natural for any person who is rejected to feel somewhat uncomfortable until the sting of rejection wears off. If she is being truthful, maybe I owe her a big appology. I think all this has come from our inabilities to see each other from different perspectives. Funny how two people with SAD may have different symptoms and feel anxiety in different types of social situations. At the very least, I have learned something from this situation. Deep down, I would still like a friendship to develope between us- but I won't hold my breath. Maybe she will come around, but I can only be respectful and let her make up her own mind... maybe after time she will see me for who I really am... maybe she will always have a negative opinion...hope not, but such is life... in anycase, I am sorry.
Waybuloo
Well-known member
Yossarian said:
Yes i agree speaking slow helps. It gives u time to think and compose ur speech, and use words like well, um, which gives u leeway to think. I had a friend who talked very slow and calm and bet 10 bucks a lot of people were drawn to her and had a lot of respect for her. Not that that is what we are aiming for here, but it affects others' way of seeing you.
I'ts a balance though, dwelling too much on thinkin of what or how you say is exactly the type of thing that fuels anxiety.