MEETING GIRLS

[virtue]

i was out drunk the other night and started talking to this girl ,it was going good but then she asked to go for a walk,once we were alone i just freaked out because i didnt want her to know i was actually not the loud confident guy she thought i was,then i just made some excuse and bailed,i know heaps of girls reckon im cute,but my anxiety stops anything b4 its even started,its almost near impossible to meet girls with my anxiety,i hate that i need alcohol to talk to girls,but i cant think of any other way i could do it

 

[corrinaelizabeth]

hey i was like that with boys,probably if i wasnt with my current boyfriend i would still be like that,im only with him coz for the 1st month or so we met up every weekend out clubbing,i was with my girl mates and he was with his mates and we would all hang about together i would be drunk however so who knows why he agreed to meet up in the day time alone one time argh!!but i pushed myself didnt have a drink and yes it was awkward as hell for the first few hours but gradually we "clicked" and my anxiety is fine with him now. my advice would be to have a few drinks and then stop drinking if you meet a girl out arrange too meet her out everyweekend with your mates and hers that way if you do decide to meet up alone hopefully it will be a little bit easier good luck!

 

[cuill]

Meeting Girls, Part 2

I know exactly how you feel, maybe we all do. Part of the fear is having them say "yes" because then they may find out that we are human. That may sound trivial, but it's a really big fear, and can cripple an otherwise promising relationship. I'm 28, and I've had only one serious girlfriend in my life, a decade ago. I didn't date in college at all, though I fell in love with a half a dozen girls. Only now am I starting to change this cycle of fear. Part of what is helping is to play a '"role". Now, I don't mean lying. You see, when I fantasize about asking a girl out, I see myself as this super confident, charming guy. Witty and exciting. That's a part of my character, when I'm with friends and relaxed. So I pretend, I act. I channel that part of my character, though it isnt always easy. And I have to work very hard to keep the negative, doubtful thoughts away, and focus, believe that I am my "other" self. I have been seeing a therapist, who has helped me work on this, and identify my fears, and ignore them.

 

[JamesMorgan]

Let down the barrier.

When you are natural, you are naturally funny, naturally confident, naturally comfortable.

When you try to 'be someone you think they will like' you are limited, you lose all natural spontaneous power and so become powerless and under the curfew of anxiety. When you are all out wittiness and front due to loss of energy, you wont be able to sustain the illusion.

So the best way to move forward is be honest with yourself and trust in yourself as being completely capable of open communication with others in your natural state.

James