Okay, so tonight I stayed in my house until 11:45 obsessively "fooling around" and feeling fairly anxious. This is typical of my pre-bar / pre-club build-up. I took a shower and was thinking about how much I hate living where I do, and how I wish I could party again like in college. I thought about how the bar I always go to sucks, and how there are plenty of hot girls who never hook up with anyone, let alone me. I thought all of the negative reasons in the world not to go.
Then I reminded myself that it's not perfect, but it's better than staying at home. At least I have a chance to meet someone and enjoy myself, and I could find a hot girl, who knows? I reminded myself that I was "fortune telling" and "discounting the positive", and that these were distortions, not logical thoughts. I decided to go out, so I grabed some beers and drank them on the way to the bar (I live close by).
I had the best time out by myself in the last 3 months. I wasn't drunk when I showed up, just a little bit buzzed, I felt somewhat more anxious than in the last few times out, but I got another drink and relaxed. I talked to some people including a few cute girls, then I ended up talking to some guys. I danced on the floor by myself and realy didn't care at all what anyone thought. I danced with a very cute girl who ended up giving me her real number and a fake name...yaaaay! She says she's down to go out this week but who knows. I also made a guy-friend / acquaintance who wants me to be his new "wing-man". All in all, it was an absolutely great night!
I'm almost there, I just need another few stomp-downs on my anxiety and Im cured. It could happen this month or in a year, but my old powers have mostly returned and I can be myself around everyone. I was even acting like a douche and dancing to miley-cyrus "party in the USA" in front of my new guy-friend when I first me this person.
hahhaa...yea im retarded.
Then I reminded myself that it's not perfect, but it's better than staying at home. At least I have a chance to meet someone and enjoy myself, and I could find a hot girl, who knows? I reminded myself that I was "fortune telling" and "discounting the positive", and that these were distortions, not logical thoughts. I decided to go out, so I grabed some beers and drank them on the way to the bar (I live close by).
I had the best time out by myself in the last 3 months. I wasn't drunk when I showed up, just a little bit buzzed, I felt somewhat more anxious than in the last few times out, but I got another drink and relaxed. I talked to some people including a few cute girls, then I ended up talking to some guys. I danced on the floor by myself and realy didn't care at all what anyone thought. I danced with a very cute girl who ended up giving me her real number and a fake name...yaaaay! She says she's down to go out this week but who knows. I also made a guy-friend / acquaintance who wants me to be his new "wing-man". All in all, it was an absolutely great night!
I'm almost there, I just need another few stomp-downs on my anxiety and Im cured. It could happen this month or in a year, but my old powers have mostly returned and I can be myself around everyone. I was even acting like a douche and dancing to miley-cyrus "party in the USA" in front of my new guy-friend when I first me this person.
hahhaa...yea im retarded.
