Hey guys. Glad to finally some people I can relate to. I've never been officially diagnosed with SA by a doctor but I sure as hell relate with a lot of these posts. I'm currently in the middle of HS and my mood has changed a lot recently. I would love it if you guys could hear out my story
My whole life I've had a tendency for people to only want to become acquaintances and nothing more. Many people throughout my whole life think I am annoying. I do like to talk a lot and I'm sometimes loud, and I'm even aware of when I'm being annoying but I cannot stop behaving that way because it's just the way I've always been. I get on everyone's bad side and people who rarely hate anyone always tend to hate me. Many people use phrases like "You have no friends" in a jokingly way but when they say that I don't deny it, I just usually fake a laugh and say "good one".
When I try to talk to some of the people who sort of like me, I'm usually the only one who starts the conversation. The thing is they never want to keep the conversation going. If I'm walking with someone from class to class and I say something, they'll respond briefly and not say another word. This happens with everyone I know. They'll stay silent until I talk and then they'll be silent again. A good example is every day when I'm walking from a class to another class this person I know always walks with me. If his friends that he likes better were in the class he'd walk with them so I am more like his "backup friend". Well anyway I am always the one starting the conversation. If I didn't say a single word while walking with him he wouldn't say a single word back. This happens with everyone I know. It's to the point where if I know I'm going to be conversing with someone, I have to think of subjects and things to say ahead of time or there will just be silence since they are not willing to talk.
I recently got invited to a party. One of those "invite everyone" parties and i barely knew the person that invited me. I really didn't talk to people at the party. It was bad enough that other people didn't want me there. As it went on I had a great awakening. All the people socializing and having a great time really got to me. I went home starting to realize what I've been missing out in my whole life. I've always accepted and even embraced the fact that almost everyone meet will eventually hate me like everyone else. After going to the party I wanted to change things very badly. I wanted people to like me more than ever.
Lately I haven't been able to enjoy the things I've usually enjoyed. I like to run a lot but Ive had an injury preventing me from doing so. I used to love to play video games on my PC and watch youtube videos. Now I can't even bare to do either of them and I find no enjoyment in them any more. All I can think about is how to repair the damage I've done to people and try to get them to like me. How would I even go about doing this? Should I just accept the fact that the damage has already been done and there is no going back? Would love to hear from people I can relate to for once.
My whole life I've had a tendency for people to only want to become acquaintances and nothing more. Many people throughout my whole life think I am annoying. I do like to talk a lot and I'm sometimes loud, and I'm even aware of when I'm being annoying but I cannot stop behaving that way because it's just the way I've always been. I get on everyone's bad side and people who rarely hate anyone always tend to hate me. Many people use phrases like "You have no friends" in a jokingly way but when they say that I don't deny it, I just usually fake a laugh and say "good one".
When I try to talk to some of the people who sort of like me, I'm usually the only one who starts the conversation. The thing is they never want to keep the conversation going. If I'm walking with someone from class to class and I say something, they'll respond briefly and not say another word. This happens with everyone I know. They'll stay silent until I talk and then they'll be silent again. A good example is every day when I'm walking from a class to another class this person I know always walks with me. If his friends that he likes better were in the class he'd walk with them so I am more like his "backup friend". Well anyway I am always the one starting the conversation. If I didn't say a single word while walking with him he wouldn't say a single word back. This happens with everyone I know. It's to the point where if I know I'm going to be conversing with someone, I have to think of subjects and things to say ahead of time or there will just be silence since they are not willing to talk.
I recently got invited to a party. One of those "invite everyone" parties and i barely knew the person that invited me. I really didn't talk to people at the party. It was bad enough that other people didn't want me there. As it went on I had a great awakening. All the people socializing and having a great time really got to me. I went home starting to realize what I've been missing out in my whole life. I've always accepted and even embraced the fact that almost everyone meet will eventually hate me like everyone else. After going to the party I wanted to change things very badly. I wanted people to like me more than ever.
Lately I haven't been able to enjoy the things I've usually enjoyed. I like to run a lot but Ive had an injury preventing me from doing so. I used to love to play video games on my PC and watch youtube videos. Now I can't even bare to do either of them and I find no enjoyment in them any more. All I can think about is how to repair the damage I've done to people and try to get them to like me. How would I even go about doing this? Should I just accept the fact that the damage has already been done and there is no going back? Would love to hear from people I can relate to for once.