Making/Keeping Friends

[ScaredToBreathe]

I haven't spent time with a friend for probably at least half a year now, or more. This is mostly because I've been busy. I take full time classes plus work 2 jobs part time and have my own apartment to look after. I've made the choice to end some bad friendships I had as a teenager. I used to party a lot and stay out late and be all rebellious and "tough", I guess a typical teenage phase. Well the people I hung out with at the time remained immature, drinking/doing drugs, dumb and making dumb choices, and starting families early. But I went back to school and am much more mature and professional now, I care a lot about education and getting a good career and being a responsible adult. So those friendships ended because I just don't fit in with them anymore.

I have no idea how to go about making new friends now and how to make friendships work. I'm so anxious and over-analyze everything, and if something goes wrong it plays over in my head for years and makes me feel low in self-esteem even when I try to convince myself to get over it. I'm also terrible at maintaining established friendships. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to go out with friends everyday, or even every week, but still like to have contacts to call on if I want to do a social activity. I can go for months w/o talking to a friend, and then see them and act like it had only been a week and resume conversations/social activities. I still consider them my friends even if I haven't seen them or talked to them in a long while, and it doesn't bother me. It's just, if I make new friends, what should I do if they're asking to hang out every day but maybe I just want to hang out a couple times a month? Or if I'm super busy with work/school and can't make social time for months at a time? Hard to find other people who want to stay friends but are okay with not constantly socializing.

 

[AtTheGates]

I've made the choice to end some bad friendships I had as a teenager. I used to party a lot and stay out late and be all rebellious and "tough", I guess a typical teenage phase. Well the people I hung out with at the time remained immature, drinking/doing drugs, dumb and making dumb choices, and starting families early. .

I had some friends like this that I stopped associating with a few years ago. ... They were constantly doing drugs/selling drugs and on top of that they would talk shit about me to other people to the point where people I didn't even know had negative preconceived notions of me....so basically theres a whole section of people that I can't associate with because my name has been sullied among them ...but really its probably for the best...and I had a gf (the only one iv ever had) who's mom would make up lies about me just because she didn't want me with her daughter so we broke up and then one of my so-called "friends" tried to hook with her about two days later...I really just had to leave all those people behind..They just weren't any good for me and I kind of KNEW it all along but kept hanging around with them out of loneliness...but now i realize its better to be alone than to be around the wrong people.

now I'm really picky about who I associate with because I don't want the past to repeat itself...so I know how you feel somewhat.



Anyway, its good that you're putting your education first. it'll pay off in the long run. There are probably a lot of likeminded people out there who have similar priorities and would understand having a limited schedule...if you have a really tight schedule then you're probably going to have to be the one doing most of the work to maintain the freindship with any new friends you make...even if you can't hang out with them everyday you can of course just text or email them...and there's also Skype...

 

[bsammy]

well its pretty bad if you cant make time for social engagements for MONTHS at a time..im very introverted as well with anxiety problems but if you plan on making and keeping friends, you better plan on socializing or being with them on a somewhat regular basis...id say hanging out at least once every few weeks to start things off and then you can slow things down..i mean, most people want and need somewhat regular social engagement with their friends or else whats the point?

it is hard to find like-minded introverted friends that dot have to constantly hang out..you are looking at starting friendships though so you better be prepared to hang out with people more often at the start..you cant just expect people to only want to hang around or socialize only when you want them to..

 

[PhillipJFry]

it is hard to find like-minded introverted friends that dot have to constantly hang out..you are looking at starting friendships though so you better be prepared to hang out with people more often at the start..you cant just expect people to only want to hang around or socialize only when you want them to..

^I think this is accurate, there's a lot of give and take in friendship.

Also, I read a quote in a self-help book once that went something like "...you can make more friends in two weeks by trying to be interested in others than you can in two years trying to get others interested in you." I find this works for me, people seem to be much more receptive when I make an effort to take interest in their hobbies and such. Be careful not to try too hard though and come off as creepy, or nosey. Anyways I hope you find some nice people to be pals with soon, life is slightly easier with friends.