Making friends

[AtTheGates]

in my younger years (up until I was about 20-21) I had a few freinds that were basically "fake" friends. WHen we hung out they would act like we were cool with eachother but then later I eventually started hearing that they were making fun of me/talking shit behind my back..as if they didnt even consider me a true freind at all...this has happened to me with different people all through-out my youth up until the point where I ended up having too many trust issues and just decided to write off what was left of my "freinds"...now I dont have any friends at all but eventually I want to start trying to have a social life again but I need to figure out a way to tell who's real and who's "fake"....I hate THINKING someone is my friend when they just consider me to be some dork that they talk to when they're bored or have no one else to hang out with..like im just a last resort for them. I dont have time for fake people like that. people can be extremely deceptive. I just wish there was some way to filter the fake people out of my life before I start to trust them.

 

[MotherWolff]

in my younger years (up until I was about 20-21) I had a few freinds that were basically "fake" friends. WHen we hung out they would act like we were cool with eachother but then later I eventually started hearing that they were making fun of me/talking shit behind my back..as if they didnt even consider me a true freind at all...this has happened to me with different people all through-out my youth up until the point where I ended up having too many trust issues and just decided to write off what was left of my "freinds"...now I dont have any friends at all but eventually I want to start trying to have a social life again but I need to figure out a way to tell who's real and who's "fake"....I hate THINKING someone is my friend when they just consider me to be some dork that they talk when they're bored or have no one else to hang out with..like im just a last resort for them. I dont have time for fake people like that. people can be extremely deceptive. I just wish there was some way to filter the fake people out of my life before I start to trust them.

I can relate....Alot of times, these type of scum just become your "friend" to use you for their gain and they never give in the supposed "friendship."

 

[AtTheGates]

I can relate....Alot of times, these type of scum just become your "friend" to use you for their gain and they never give in the supposed "friendship."

in the past i'v seemed to attract a few deceptive types of people..almost like im just some kind of beacon for *******s that want to take advantage of me. iv become exceedingly suspicious of people over the years.

 

[MotherWolff]

in the past i'v seemed to attract a few deceptive types of people..almost like im just some kind of beacon for *******s that want to take advantage of me. iv become exceedingly suspicious of people over the years.

Awwwwwww...I wanna hug you.....I have also given up on being trustful towards people.

I mean, I agree we must be cautious and avoid gullibility at all times.

But if we stay suspicious, no one can enter our lives who may be trustworthy and then we are the ones hurting ourselves....:crying:

 

[AtTheGates]

Awwwwwww...I wanna hug you.....I have also given up on being trustful towards people.

I mean, I agree we must be cautious and avoid gullibility at all times.

But if we stay suspicious, no one can enter our lives who may be trustworthy and then we are the ones hurting ourselves....:crying:

yeah I suppose its kind of a double-edged sword. in the past I was just lonely and wanted anyone who would accept me. I think thats how I got into hanging around with the wrong crowd and getting into trouble..im way more cautious these days..its just kind of a self defense mechanism iv developed i guess.

 

[MotherWolff]

yeah I suppose its kind of a double-edged sword. in the past I was just lonely and wanted anyone who would accept me. I think thats how I got into hanging around with the wrong crowd and getting into trouble..im way more cautious these days..its just kind of a self defense mechanism iv developed i guess

Yes. It is surely a defense mechanism. Or perhaps you dislike telling people "no" like I do sometimes?

Even when they violate my boundaries...

I hope you will confide in those who like and love you in the near future, soon.

It sounds like to me you adore the idea of having true friends.

Is this correct?

 

[AtTheGates]

Yes. It is surely a defense mechanism. Or perhaps you dislike telling people "no" like I do sometimes?

Even when they violate my boundaries...

I hope you will confide in those who like and love you in the near future, soon.

It sounds like to me you adore the idea of having true friends.

Is this correct?

yeah it is. When it comes to people I involve in my life, I believe in quality over quantity. iv never been very partial to people that value looks, popularity, trendiness, and other superficial things over TRUE freindship. I care way more about what kind of PERSON someone is. as long as they're good to me and we have things in common. Those are the most important things but in this day and age of social media/facebook it seems like alot of people place superficiality as a higher priority than the things that ACTUALLY matter....The only kinds of people I like saying no to are the kinds of people that think I should be flattered to simply be graced with their presence..like they think they're SO awesome that I should be greatful of even the CHANCE to be their freind...I dont like arrogance....These days it seems like modest/laidback people are a rare breed...but then again, I dont get out much.

 

[DepravedFurball]

Well, the fundamentals of 'friendship' are such that you're willing to forgive their mistakes, transgressions, occasional idiocy, and still have a good time doing silly things together...

But it takes a lot of time and energy to get to that. It's like buying a new car... there's an in-determinate length of time that passes where you're working out all of the bugs, and figuring out for yourself what you can live with, and what you can't.

There's always going to be occasions where 'friends' will berate you to others. Bit*hing to anyone who'll listen is just another part of human-nature, after all. Yet the real indicator is if they *recognize* all of your faults, and *still* want to hang out with you... since that means they're just a little more closer to thinking of you as a 'friend'.

It's all pomp and ceremony in the beginning. Acting. Pretending. Struggling to be civil. But get past that, find the person they are way beneath... and then you'll obtain what you seek. ^.^

 

[MotherWolff]

yeah it is. When it comes to people I involve in my life, I believe in quality over quantity. iv never been very partial to people that value looks, popularity, trendiness, and other superficial things over TRUE freindship. I care way more about what kind of PERSON someone is. as long as they're good to me and we have things in common. Those are the most important things but in this day and age of social media/facebook it seems like alot of people place superficiality as a higher priority than the things that ACTUALLY matter....The only kinds of people I like saying no to are the kinds of people that think I should be flattered to simply be graced with their presence..like they think they're SO awesome that I should be greatful of even the CHANCE to be their freind...I dont like arrogance....These days it seems like modest/laidback people are a rare breed...but then again, I dont get out much.

I agree. I disregard race, gender, and status when it comes to relationships/friendships.