IThinkMaybe
Member
I've been really sad for a long time but now I think i'm entering full blown depression. I'm really introverted and quiet but when I drink i'm the total opposite and that's become a problem too. All the heartache and loneliness spills through and I go crazy, running away from parties and stuff. A couple of months ago it did the worst shit I got so drunk and there's just a huge gap and I'm in a fight and the girl who's birthday it was (one of my best friends, though not anymore) was completely in tears. Then I found out that I'd just been trying it on with just random girls including friends' girlfriends and that the guy I was in the fight with was standing up for them AND even worse apparently it wasn't the first time something like this had happened. People now think of me as a total rapist and it's so not who I am.
I tried to give up drink but after a month I after feeling completely trapped and anxious when hangin out with a different group of friends who weren't there and recognize and ont think i'm really like that.
Then the other day i was in a pub and i met the guy who I was in a fight with and he wanted to finish the fight (and he had a total psycho friend who said he was gonna rent me out to his gay black friends and "make 20 quid outta me") and he even wanted me to get on my knees and apologise... apparently i'd dragged him out of the bar by his neck even though i'm 18 and weigh about 46kg and he was in his mid 20s and well built and i was totally gonna get beaten down. I refused to get down on my knees and said i'd rather take the beating than lose the shred of dignity i have left and he kinda respected that and after ages we kinda worked it out, he seemed reasonable even though his friend was a nutter and i think he appreciated how much of a shitbag i felt like after the incident. I'd kinda dissasociated myself from it and acted like it wasn't 'me' that did it coz i was so drunk but the dude said to me straight up "you gotta take this as a lesson, that you did do those things and take responsibility for them" and i guess it really hit me when he said that and now i'm just so low because I can't evade the fact that I did these things and upset so many girls.
I'm going to give up drink and just deal with being shy and anxious but i've completely alienated most of my close friends and I dont think any of them will see me the same wayagain. I'm just so sad that I did it and just want to have a normal life without this damned day to day loneliness and the craziness that happens when i drink. I do have a lot of friends but ostly due to the fun drunk version of me; they've always thought i'm wierd and now it's gotten worse i'm losing them. I feel like I'm falling and no one is going to help me coz they think i'm a rapist, what do I do?
Sorry that was so long but this is my first post and I had a lot to get off my chest.
I tried to give up drink but after a month I after feeling completely trapped and anxious when hangin out with a different group of friends who weren't there and recognize and ont think i'm really like that.
Then the other day i was in a pub and i met the guy who I was in a fight with and he wanted to finish the fight (and he had a total psycho friend who said he was gonna rent me out to his gay black friends and "make 20 quid outta me") and he even wanted me to get on my knees and apologise... apparently i'd dragged him out of the bar by his neck even though i'm 18 and weigh about 46kg and he was in his mid 20s and well built and i was totally gonna get beaten down. I refused to get down on my knees and said i'd rather take the beating than lose the shred of dignity i have left and he kinda respected that and after ages we kinda worked it out, he seemed reasonable even though his friend was a nutter and i think he appreciated how much of a shitbag i felt like after the incident. I'd kinda dissasociated myself from it and acted like it wasn't 'me' that did it coz i was so drunk but the dude said to me straight up "you gotta take this as a lesson, that you did do those things and take responsibility for them" and i guess it really hit me when he said that and now i'm just so low because I can't evade the fact that I did these things and upset so many girls.
I'm going to give up drink and just deal with being shy and anxious but i've completely alienated most of my close friends and I dont think any of them will see me the same wayagain. I'm just so sad that I did it and just want to have a normal life without this damned day to day loneliness and the craziness that happens when i drink. I do have a lot of friends but ostly due to the fun drunk version of me; they've always thought i'm wierd and now it's gotten worse i'm losing them. I feel like I'm falling and no one is going to help me coz they think i'm a rapist, what do I do?
Sorry that was so long but this is my first post and I had a lot to get off my chest.
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