Low self-esteem and Perfectionism

[Diend]

Do you feel that there is a relationship between low self-esteem and perfectionism? I feel that I have very little self-esteem so therefore, I have to constantly prove myself by being a perfectionist in the things I do. Not enough love and validation from the outside world in other words. Anyone know the answer to "validating yourself from within"?

 

[lurknomore]

I feel like I'm in the same boat- if I don't do something "perfectly," then I beat myself up, and I don't try new things if there is a possibility of it not being perfect. I wish I knew the answer to getting validation from within. ::

 

[Invisibleman]

I know exactly what you're talking about. My therapist told me once that so much of my anxiety comes from having to be completely perfect. If im doing a test or something and I dont know the answer I dont even want to guess I just leave it blank because a guess will probably be wrong.

Even tonight at rugby practice I dropped 4 out of 10 passes and I felt like an absolute failure, I was so pissed off with myself for hours afterwards.

 

[Lexington]

Do you feel that there is a relationship between low self-esteem and perfectionism??

Never thought about it before but pondering this now, maybe there is. SA sufferers in general like time to digest new information, skills? Afraid of failure? Don't wish to appear faulty, stupid? It certainly applies to me. I like to know things inside out before attempting them in publiceg. a speech...being prepared for all scenarios too. No confidence in playing it by ear.

 

[this_portrait]

I do consider myself to be a bit of a perfectionist, but not to the point where I beat myself up over it. Of course there are times when I think I could do better, but I try to not let them bring me down.

To validate yourself from within... I'm not sure of the answer, really, but I guess the reason I'm not as much of a perfectionist as some is because I've always told myself that there's no such thing as "perfection," that no matter how hard we all try, no one will ever be "perfect." I prefer the phrase "trying your best," but like I mentioned before, there are times when I feel like I could do better.

 

[SilentBird]

I do try to validate myself from within. I look at some of the things I have done with pride and admiration, or reflect on my personal qualities. Yet, there's the devil on my other shoulder saying, "Is that all? Why don't you give up?"

 

[theslowesthand]

I guess perfectionism, but more of a constant, relentless, unforgiving drive to achieve & succeed, which is very very draining. And of course there are things about me which not only are not "perfect", but are "really crappy" - and those could be the things that keep me hating myself, no matter how much i achieve

 

[Tomasso]

Yes, perfectionism defines my life.

At the beginning of college I made no friends and I had no social life. I decided at that point that if I was going to be a social loser, then at least I was going to be good in other parts of my life. So I studied really hard and cry whenever I don't get above a 90% on an assignment. I also get absurdly jealous if anybody does better than me. Literally the only positive thing in my life is my grades so I try and make them as good as possible.

 

[OvidiuDanut]

yes, i definetly have this problem. When im under the impression that t havent done something right, i feel very bad. A way out of it would be to behold the myriad of politicians who feel very pleased with all the stupid things they say)

 

[JMiller]

I find the correlation very apt when it comes to myself and an intimate relationship. Often when I have strong feelings towards a girl or find out a girl is interested in me, I become anxious with all my faults and end up psyching myself out because I convince myself that I'm not good enough for her.

 

[KiaKaha]

Anyone know the answer to "validating yourself from within"?

If anyone ever figures this one out let me know. The problem is that in order to validate yourself you need to have been taught from a young age that you are OK, you are someone who is worthwhile and capable - I think its harder to change when you are older because all those negative core beliefs about yourself are firmly embedded into your identity - along with all the rules that you have learned about your own reality and the behaviours that dictate how you deal with life.

Perfectionism is closely related to low self esteem (in my opinion, although thats probably not the only reason) - and I am a big culprit of having these kinds of beliefs - All or nothing - black and white.

It can be a good motivator to do your best, for fear of not meeting your expectations, or validating just how worthless you are - but ultimately its unhelpful - impossible to achieve - forever holding you back - forever making you feel inadequate.

I have absoloutely zero idea on how to change this - although I guess being aware of it is helpful to some extent.

Etc etc..

 

[Diend]

My personal opinions are that if we were told that we didnt need to prove anything as child, would we be lazy and unmotivated? I believe that there are trivial things that we don't need to be perfectionists at, but other things that are worth striving for. You can be a perfectionist, but pick and choose which things.