Low self-esteem, a reaction to narcissism?

[peacegrrl]

I don't know if many of you can relate. But, to hear another opinion would be good. I believe that to some extent, I have a narcissistic personality or at least some narcissistic traits. As much as I like the thought of being charitable and kind, and try to treat others well when I can, sometimes I just don't care. Or don't want to care. I have always been selfish. I used to truly believe I was special and different from anyone else. I believe(d) there was a hierarchy of "normal" people and I was one of the rare, unique people who couldn't be lumped in with the rest. I have been remorseless with others before, in ways I'm now deeply and terribly ashamed of. For the most part it's because it never occured to me that they have a personality and identity too, even if they didn't flaunt it all over the place.

I've been thinking about this and recently it hit me. Around the time I entered high school, I remember that I actually, consciously began telling myself to "always put other people before me because they are better and/or more important". This could have started for any number of reasons, but I've narrowed it down to one: since my behaviour was attracting negative attention (ie. gossip), in order to protect myself from further embarrassment, I replaced my self-important state of mind with a self-deprecating one. It worked, in that I grew more compassionate (albeit fearful) toward my own peers and especially toward strangers. But now... now I have two problems. ::

Another thing. I don't think these are just moments when I feel particularly good about myself. I'm like this all the time; even nowadays I have to work to stifle the thoughts. I have always been like this, it's part of me, it's who I am. That's not to say I don't want to change it. However, if by chance I ever develop a better sense of self-esteem, would I be getting rid of the one thing that's preventing me from being a complete egotistical douchebag?



Thoughts?

 

[hippiechild]

Narcissism is absolutely normal for pubescent teenagers, they all think that they're unique. To be egotistical and narcissistic at that point in your life probably shouldn't be a big concern. You learning to compromise your grandiose self for the approval of others is also natural; no narcissist would consciously decide to become weak and pathetic, even for the sake of supply. If it's not supply for the grandiose self, it's useless.

Also, the fact that you worry about reverting back to being arrogant indicates some level of care about your effect on others, even if it's for fear of losing friends(supply sources).

You've adapted to the situation, allowed your identity to be molded by the people around you. Narcissists, on the other hand, mold the people around them to the identity that they've chosen... uncompromising, rigid, unadaptive.


anywayyy... yes, I've always thought that certain types of social anxiety were likely the result of a decompensated narcissist, starved of narcissistic supply.

 

[alex7]

To be honest, if you think you are unique or superior than the rest, you should embrace it. You are the most important person in the world to yourself, so putting yourself first should not be labelled as narcissistic. If you are concerned you are going to become a douchebag, then doesnt that say enough to ensure that you arent / wont be?

I gotta put myself first a lot of the time if not all the time. I also gotta think of myself as different than the rest because i know i am. Maybe not in the most ideal way, but there is definitely something about SA that makes us tick differently than others, and it isn't all bad.

 

[DarkSeeker]

My "father" is a true narcissist. He's the best and most knowledgeable man in the world, part of the best team of the beast company of the best and most working work thing ever. He literally sees people has objects who exists only for him to manipulate into doing his bidding. You know I read somewhere that narcissists are, grossly speaking, psychopath with empathy for themselves. My father literally sees people with emotions has weak and "edible".

We all have some narcissistic traits in us, but I bet this doesn't make us an apathetic monster like my "father". However, having a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder, means that growing up it was the only way I knew how to behave with others, and so that made me do a lot of very strange things and act very self-centered in the past. I don't know if you have a parent with a personality disorder or anything, but if you do it could very well explain the odd behavior you had when you were younger and that probably still hunts you to this.

You sound more like you have a complex of inferiority, as in people with a complex of superiority don't put others before them except to consciously manipulate them.

Also you can't be an egoistical douchebag and still be humble, so it's okay to be assertive as long as long as you don't become an arshole who crushes every little bug laying on his path.

 

[peacegrrl]

There's something I'm curious about. Is there a possibility that having social phobia can disrupt a narcissist's manipulative tendency? Assuming the anxiety interferes with the amount of interaction they get with other people, since they're the source of that anxiety, and is therefore the only thing preventing the narcissist actually taking measures to control them.

I have strong steaks of narcissism in me, although at the same time, I always worry that I'm not as elite as I think I am. Or actually, it might be more like I worry that others won't think that I am as elite as I think I am; that I will fall short in "presenting" myself.

Apparently, I have these two diametrically opposed ways of thinking about myself. One might be my "original" personality, and the other is social phobia.
I wonder, though, exactly how they are linked together.

Yeah, part of me still believes certain things about me that were once true, even though I've done nothing of late to warrant the same merit. To that same part of me, the idea that I would ever let go of this fantasy of being better than others in some way is almost unthinkable. It's the only thing slowing my descent [back] into harsh reality where I probably don't really mean anything to anyone.

Narcissism is absolutely normal for pubescent teenagers, they all think that they're unique. To be egotistical and narcissistic at that point in your life probably shouldn't be a big concern. You learning to compromise your grandiose self for the approval of others is also natural; no narcissist would consciously decide to become weak and pathetic, even for the sake of supply. If it's not supply for the grandiose self, it's useless.

It's good to know that it is considered normal to some degree in the younger human being. In a couple more years I suppose it'll be easier to determine whether or not I've grown out of the a***hole stage.

To be honest, if you think you are unique or superior than the rest, you should embrace it. You are the most important person in the world to yourself, so putting yourself first should not be labelled as narcissistic. If you are concerned you are going to become a douchebag, then doesnt that say enough to ensure that you arent / wont be?

I gotta put myself first a lot of the time if not all the time. I also gotta think of myself as different than the rest because i know i am. Maybe not in the most ideal way, but there is definitely something about SA that makes us tick differently than others, and it isn't all bad.

For me it's always been one or the other; look out for myself and forget the rest, or look out for everyone and neglect myself. I'm simply not used to doing both. There has to be some sort of middle ground I must find.

We all have some narcissistic traits in us, but I bet this doesn't make us an apathetic monster like my "father". However, having a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder, means that growing up it was the only way I knew how to behave with others, and so that made me do a lot of very strange things and act very self-centered in the past. I don't know if you have a parent with a personality disorder or anything, but if you do it could very well explain the odd behavior you had when you were younger and that probably still hunts you to this.

Yes... there could very well have been a behavioural or genetic influence in my early childhood I'm as yet unaware of. That's something to think about.