love and relationships with social phobia?

[calm09]

is it possible? where do you meet people that are willing to take the reigns in the relationship from the very beginning.... like initiating conversation each and every time you see each other...

it seems like the only way to be in a relationship is if the person is extremely persistent and is really confident... maybe overly confident.

 

[weak]

getting/having a girlfriend actually played a huge part in me overcoming a big chunk of my anxiety.

It's really not that hard to meet people of the opposite sex who share your problem, or will be understanding of your problem. Dating sites make it easy. Just use the keyword search feature and type in 'shy' etc. Although most girls/guys wont disclose their insecurities, so you just gotta get good at picking up on those certain vibes.

Forcing yourself out the door to meet the person will certainly be the most difficult part. I'm extremely selective in who I'll meet as I'm always really afraid of rejection or some type of dating disaster. So I like to make sure the girl is 100% into me first, and is on the same page as myself in terms of shyness etc.

Once you do it and have that positive experience, it'll get a lot easier and you'll be less anxious about it in the future.

Having a boyfriend/girlfriend can sometimes be the single most effective way at overcoming your anxiety. Dating forces you to hide your insecurities and get some confidence. It's a great feeling.

 

[calm09]

thanks for responding.
ya i think you're right. it's time i stopped being an old fashioned fart and try internet networking.

i think i'm pretty good about picking up on other people's insecurities, in person, but not online. it's mainly just me and my own insecurities that prevent anything from ever happening. i've managed to block out a lot of people over the years. mostly guys, cause i act aloof so much of the time... they think i'm not interested. i do not recommend aloofness as a defense mechanism at all!

i'll try the online search for 'shy' and see what happens. thanks.

 

[weak]

If you're based in the US, I'd try Match or Yahoo Personals. These sites are geared to the 18 to 30 crowd but Im pretty sure Yahoo Personals has a fair amount of 30+ members as well.

Depending on your age though, eharmony might work even better. It's geared to the more serious, older crowd.. IE people looking for serious relationships rather than casual dating. Although I retrospect I hear eharmony rejects all people they dont feel are compatible with their members. They have long surveys as well. So that one might not be worth the effort.

 

[calm09]

hmmm well then i guess i'll take a look at yahoo or match cuz casual dating seems like the most realistic goal for now, since i'm barely 21 and have never been in a relationship.

it's sad and funny all at the same time.

 

[Walk]

Having a boyfriend/girlfriend can sometimes be the single most effective way at overcoming your anxiety. Dating forces you to hide your insecurities and get some confidence. It's a great feeling.

hmmm I don't think I like the "hiding" your insecurities part.

I'd want to expose my insecurities in the open, and let them fade away as I deal with them on a daily basis; and if I have a partner that will join the ride with me who understands what I'm going through, all the better.

PS I think I'm going to try out the online dating scene. I'm 23, and I gotta do something about it, real life hasn't worked for me so far .Thanks for giving us the tips.