lost everything. to much change and im scared :(

[bcguitar]

im scared

Hi

I have been having a real hard time lately as I had just been laid off from my job off 9 months and had to sell my new truck i had for a month because I wasn't able to afford it after. Then on top of that my gf broke up with me shortly after and moved out leaving me to pay all the biils and rent to myself. I know everything has happened because of my issues and shyness cause its hard for me to deal in certain situiations and I avoid things like the plaugue. My work said I was to inconsistent and they felt I wasn't doing my job good enough, and I know they were right so I deserved to get fired but it was hard cause I know I could of done better if I didn't have this shyness and feeling of ppl judging me all the time and feeling so self concious.

I know for the most part it was my fault my gf left me. I was just to untrusting and was scared all the time she was going to leave me for some one better so she finally got sick of trying to help me cause I wouldn't even listen. I wish I would of treated her better cause I did care about her alot and it hurts so much that I lost her cause I was to stubborn and self concious to try to change for her .

I feel so lost right now and scared . I am scared i won't be able to find a job and I will have to live on the street and that I will be alone forever now cause all my relationships fail. It's just to much all at one time and it is so hard i can barely sleep and eat and have this sick feeling in my stomach 24/7. I am scared I am going back to being depressed again and suicidal.

All i want is to change but it is so hard for me , I just wanna be happy and it just seems like it will never happen.

 

[recluse]

I'm sorry to hear that. Can you move back home with your parents?

 

[bcguitar]

I found a buddy to move in with me today , so that will help .. I just need to find a job now and thats the hard part .. cause i have a hard time starting jobs and ppl dont hire me cause i guess i look creepy or something.

Just found out today that my ex gf cheated on me the day before she broke up with me with one of my supossed buds that i knew from like grade 4 .. great friend there. and ppl wonder why im so untrusting.. its just one thing after another .. now I know why i didnt trust her.

just waiting for a plane to fall on me now .. or who knows might get struck by lightning next..

 

[Havocan]

Sounds horrible. Partially I think she left you was because you weren't confident enough with yourself and maybe you were a bit too boring too, since you said you were so scared of her leaving you? If you exhibit more self-confidence and independence thereby making you seem stronger I think you'd have bigger chances of keeping her.
I'd advise working on your shyness issue before you go out hunting for chicks again, or else the same pattern is kind of self-destined to happen again^^.

 

[♥ sweet kiss ♥]

^ I agree with the above. It seems like you need to work on yourself. It may take a few months maybe years but YOU should be your main priority. Once you get yourself together then surely everything esle will fall into place.

 

[bcguitar]

yes I agree I do need to work on my self definately . I had way worse self confidence in the past then I do now, working as a security guard helped me alot.. but I still have a long ways to go. My past relationships have always ended cause i'm to scared to commit and I feel like they can do better so it always goes down hill or i push them away. I tend to get very lazy and just rely on them to much and that makes the relationship suffer to. I have been reading self confidence books lately and listening to audio tapes and it has helped alittle hasn't been long enough yet, and I am thinking about going to counciling here soon. I'm glad i have some friends and my family to support me one of my friends even said he would go with me , so i am greatful for that cause it will make it alot easier . I don't see myself seeking another relationship for awhile but I might have the odd sex encounter cause I do like sex.. but ya other then that I really need to work on things for the better.