looking people in the eye

[jimmystanley]

this is my most major problem. i get extreemley conscious of looking at people while i talk to them. Then i do it, and i get so aware of it, and i notice that the other person notices it and they feel just as awkward. i make people stutter and swallow and usually look away. that makes me feel terrible! i sometimes forget about it, and things are fine. i got out a lot, i have a girlfriend and a few good friends. but i can't shake this. i want to so badly be able to just have a regular conversation without thinking about the looking. anyone else have this problem???

 

[Ice]

In my former society I was not supposed to look at people in the eye. Now I get conscious 'cause everyone's telling me to do so. And I feel nervous and awkward... But I think this is not true:

i make people stutter and swallow and usually look away.

Are you sure you do? Maybe you are just imagining things when you are panic.

 

[jimmystanley]

yes, i've seen it. and i've asked people i know well and they tell me that they know what i'm talking about. i just try and avoid it, then i forget about it and before i know it i'm in a conversation and i'm listening to them and looking at them...too involved in the talk.

 

[Sal29]

this is my most major problem. i get extreemley conscious of looking at people while i talk to them. Then i do it, and i get so aware of it, and i notice that the other person notices it and they feel just as awkward. i make people stutter and swallow and usually look away. that makes me feel terrible! i sometimes forget about it, and things are fine. i got out a lot, i have a girlfriend and a few good friends. but i can't shake this. i want to so badly be able to just have a regular conversation without thinking about the looking. anyone else have this problem???

Wouldn't it be so great if in our culture you didn't have to look people in the eyes?
I heard that in many other cultures like Korean culture for example, it's actually considered rude to look people in the eyes.
One other thing I'm afraid of is that I have NO idea what kind of facial expressions I'm making or what kind of bodylanguage I have when "I'm trying to fake being NORMAL" and look people in the eyes.
I think I do sometimes pull off being normal for maybe 10 or 15 seconds, but that's it.
One other thing I'm always worried about is if the awkwardness I have looking people in the eyes and(probably my unusual facial expressions and body language because of social phobia) may be confused for "sexual harrassment" or something like that.

I forced myself to go do the grocery today and luckily I did find a checkout line being worked by a middle aged heavier woman and an elderly gentleman doing the bagging.
Even then the social phobia was major.
The last time I went grocery shopping bymyself was several months ago and ALL the checkout lines were being worked by good looking teenaged girls and girls in their early 20s and I no choice but to use the checkout line being worked by a really goodlooking girl in her early 20s and I was sweating like it was 120 degrees and my heart was beating like I was running a 100m dash.

 

[Anonymous]

hi there
eye contact has been a major problem for me-i am convinced i am making another uncomfortable.i think there is something wrong with the way i look at people.every conversation is an effort.10 years now ive had it and it made me withdrawn.i am finally starting to defeat the irrational thoughts-finally starting to see light.i will leave my email as i believe we anyone with this specific problem should start communicating

 

[Jarous]

Look at the nose or between the eyes - most people can't tell the difference and it's a lot easier to do...

 

[jimmystanley]

i've figured it out. you know how sometimes on award shows you see people get really nervous when they are reading what to say? that makes me feel uncomfortable and nervous just watching them. i'm thinking that is what's going on when i talk to people, they see how nervous i am and that makes them nervous. !

 

[blankmind]

i've have the same problem aswell
they used to say or still do for all i know ,that when you go to an job interview you had to look them in the eyes,that was really tough to do,used to think that they might think your just some kind of weirdo,i mean how long are you meant to look them in the eye's for?the hole conversation!if that person is a real talker you could constantly be staring at them for well over an hour!!not that i've ever stick around that long to listen,i'm gone straight out the door and down the highway!!!
back home ahhh thats much better!
:wink:

 

[Anonymous]

eye contact

yea ive had to withdraw from alot of conversations because ive felt uncomfortable.i find it hard to listen because anxioius thoughts are jumping in my brain.i try to hide my nervousness during a conversation and after it i feel like a fake.i know it is totally irrational but eyes are these big freaky things that make me uncomfortable and i am fully exposed to them during eye contact.when driving a car i am the most relaxed person in the world because i dont have to look at a person.

 

[blankmind]

yes you are right the car is the best place to be!
that and at home
when i'm in the car i don't look at anyone directly,just enough to be aware that their there.
i would drive everywhere if i could,i feel more relaxed and in control
i would drive just over the road to the local shop if i could,but then the neibours would think i'm a total freak!
it would be great if everywhere was a drive through and all you had to do was give them a slip of paper with instructions of want you wanted,you wuold'nt have to look anyone straight in the face again!ahhh utopia!!

 

[Anonymous]

eye contact

blanketmind u share the tranquility of driving.it never struck me that some of the peacefulness is down to the fact that u are out of the publicview.i suppose we feel safer behind the protection of the roof and windscreen.morew importantly though i feel driving is great because i can avoid looking directly at someone.when driving i feel like the most normal poerson in the world.my sp dissapears.it gives me hope and shows me how life would be without sp

 

[blankmind]

yes its strange but your right,
i feel normal when i'm in the car,even going to the garage to fill it up feels pretty normal and i feel ok about it,but if i had to walk there 'if i ran out of petrol'i would find that a big problem thats why i make sure i don't!
yeah but driving somewhere somehow feels a lot better.
i wonder if it's because we feel more in control plus like you said were safe to a degree inside this shell,our own little space that.
because you know that a stranger is'nt gonna suddenly pop up in the car and want to talk or whatever,that would never happen
so it's like having your own little portable world to get about in.

 

[Anonymous]

the thing about the driving with me is a lot more tan feeling safe in this space where noone can intrude.i find the real reason for me feeling so comfortable is that there is no need to look at the person im talking with.the negative thougts are much muter as a lot of them seem to originate from this fear of having to look at someone.i find eye contact very disconcerting.it feels irrationally intense and i feel i am doing something wrong.there are a lot of negative thoughts going on but ther is also a strong feeling of fear.i am so self concious about my eyes even though ther is no physical evidence that i have something to feel so worried about