theslowesthand
Banned
As at 20 votes, the average is 4.8 ("Lacking")
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I'm curious as to the effect that, for instance, parents with "poor character traits", has on the development of severe mental disorders (such as SA).
I'm not talking about things such as: low self-confidence, being overly self-critical, having low empathy for others feelings, etc,etc,etc, which are typically less severe, and which poor parenting can cause, but issues/problems/disorders at the most "major" level of severity.
I'll start, with my own example: Basically, i have "screed and screeds" of "significant" problems, and a dozen/so "major" problems. And my parents are "emotionally poor/dysfunctional" to put it as accurately as i can. Not "bad" parents, but also not "good" (for me). And they're not bad people, not at all, but they simply were CRAP at parenting - i seriously believe i would have been WAY WAY better off had i had NO parents (but still had food/shelter/etc), than them. I believe it is them primarily, that has stunted my growth emotionally, and as a human being.
I know that my genetics has also played a major factor. The question is, what to attribute to them, and what to other things (eg genetics).
That is where hopefully this thread may help - to maybe uncover some similarities, patterns, trends, etc.
Poll
For the poll, use the average value. Eg if guardian#1 = "Lacking" and guardian#2 = "Crap" --> select "Poor"
Or, if you prefer, just choose their general "combined" effect.
Also, try to make your choice as accurately as possible (don't just "jump" on say "Horrific" by impulse, eg in an aggro mood; "Horrific" is not used "lightly" but is used in the sense like it has caused you bad nightmares). But really consider both their quality of parenting, their quality of character, and compare to both the WORST-possible guardians you can imagine (or think of), and BEST-possible guardians you can imagine (or think of).
Also consider the EFFECTS that you KNOW that THEY (not genetics,..) have had on your life.
Eg1: If you rate your [current] LIFE as "Horrific" (the worst a life could be, in your opinion), don't automatically assign that to how you rate your guardians (other things/people may have caused most of your misery). So maybe your correct choice might be "Poor".
Eg2: Emotionally/physically/sexually abusive parents: Almost all parents are "emotionally abusive" to a degree (imho). Any type of abuse is poor parenting, and poor concerning character traits .. so it'll be "down there" somewhere.
Eg3: You were sexually abused as a child: But it only happened once (but it "wrecked" your life). That was a VERY bad act of parenting, but it only occurred once, and was only :. at that time in your life. You need to consider the quality of parenting BEFORE and AFTER that event, and get an average value. So, say they were very rich, and provided all your material needs (and more). But say also they were "somewhat" emotionally abusive (regular put-downs/criticisms, disregarding your emotional needs, not valuing your opinions,...). Then, materially = "Perfect/Great/Fantastic" (10) + sexual abusive = "Despictable" (2) + emotional abuse = "Crap" (3) + physical abuse = "Good/okay" (7) + Providing for emotional needs = "Poor" (7) ---> gives (using formula below) an "average" value of ~5 ("Lacking" = what you should select)
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Formula for calculating overall/average quality of parenting/parents...
(The result will be the value to select in poll choices. Generally, the quality of parenting will reflect on the quality of their character/s?. So maybe one can know the latter by calculating the former??
Quality points: Average rating/year. 10 = highest. 1 = lowest)
Physical/Material. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . P = (ps+pd)/2
(Providing for your physical/material needs)
Physical security – the safety of a child's body and life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ps = (ps1+ps2+ps3)/3
• Provide physical safety: shelter, clothes, nourishment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ps1
• To protect a child from dangers; physical care . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ps2
• To care for a child's health . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ps3
Physical development – appropriate conditions for a healthy growth of a child . . . . . . . . . pd = (pd1+pd2+pd3)/3
• To provide a child with the means to develop physically . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pd1
• To train the body of a child, to introduce to exercise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pd2
• To develop habits of health . . . . (5 = neither good nor bad) . . . . . . . . . . . .pd3
Mental/Intellectual. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . M = (is+id)/2
Intellectual security – the conditions in which a child's mind can develop . . . . . . . . . . . . . is = (is1+is2)/2
• Provide an atmosphere of peace & justice and respect to one's dignity . . . . . . is1
• Provide an environment without fear, threat, and abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . is2
Intellectual development – providing opportunity to a child to learn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . id = (isd1+id2)/2
• Reading, writing, calculating, etc . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . id1
• Support and/or provide school related learning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . id2
• Teach social skills and etiquette . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .id3
• Moral and spiritual development. As well as creating an ethics and value systems with social norms that contribute to the child's beliefs, culture; and customs
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .id4
Emotional. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . EM = (en+A)/2
Providing for your emotional needs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . en = (es+ed)/2
Emotional security – to help protect a child's psyche . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . es = (es1+es2+es3+es4)/4
• Provide a safe loving environment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . es1
• Give a child a sense of being loved, being needed, welcomed . . . . . . . . . . . . . es2
• Emotional support, encouragement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .es3
• Attachment, caressing, hugging, touch, etc . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .es4
Emotional development – developing the child's ability to love, care, help, etc . . . . . . . . . . . ed = (ed1+ed2)/2
• Show empathy and compassion to younger and older, weaker and sicker, etc . . .ed1
• Caring for others, helping grandparents, etc . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .ed2
Abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A = (sa+ea+pa)/3
Sexual abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sa
Emotional abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ea
Physical abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pa
* Play is considered to be a child's work, and encompasses all three elements of physical, emotional, and intellectual development
===> "Average" value = (P + M + EM) / 3
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Formula for calculating average value of quality points...
(This is an alternate (& probably more accurate) way to work out the value of any of the 5 above values. If any of these values have a "complex" history, then try this method to work out the value to assign it)
Eg: Say you were sexually abused once, at age 5.
1 year = sexual abuse (value/severity = 2 ("Despictable")
19 years = no sexual abuse (value/severity = 10 ("Perfect/Great/Fantastic"))
It's not as simple as: (2 + 19x10)/20 = 9.6 = ~10 (as this would be the exact resulting same value for sby who HADN'T had that sexual abuse!). That instance (or "year") of abuse HAS to have a noticeable effect of the "quality value" for your sexual abuse element
So, i have devised a basic way to take it into account:
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .After-Effects . . . . . . . Quality Value
Age 1: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). . 10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . .10
Age 2: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). . 10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . .10
Age 3: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). . 10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . .10
Age 4: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). . 10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . .10
Age 5: abuse = 2 . . . . . . . . . . . 10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . .10
Age 6: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . .13/2 . . . . . .6.5
Age 7: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . .14/2 . . . . . .7
Age 8: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . . 5 . . . . . .15/2 . . . . . .7.5
Age 9: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . . 6 . . . . . .16/2 . . . . . .8
Age 10: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . .7 . . . . . .17/2 . . . . . .8.5
Age 11: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . .8 . . . . . .18/2 . . . . . .9
Age 12: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . .9 . . . . . .19/2 . . . . . .9.5
Age 13: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 14: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 15: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 16: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 17: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 19: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 20: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
==> 11*10 + 58 = 168/20 = 8.4 = 8 (which seems an appropriate value??)
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People change, but i think character traits don't change that much?. And if quality of parenting depends on quality of character, then quality of parenting will not change much over the offspring's life??.
Parenting style has a lot to do with their character, the parenting style of each of their parents, as well as generational/cultural influences.
I'd like it to be as scientific/objective as possible, but in the end it is still a relatively subjective poll (but hopefully "subjectively accurate"!).
Comments on how to decide correctly/accurately are welcome
Version 3.0
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I'm curious as to the effect that, for instance, parents with "poor character traits", has on the development of severe mental disorders (such as SA).
I'm not talking about things such as: low self-confidence, being overly self-critical, having low empathy for others feelings, etc,etc,etc, which are typically less severe, and which poor parenting can cause, but issues/problems/disorders at the most "major" level of severity.
I'll start, with my own example: Basically, i have "screed and screeds" of "significant" problems, and a dozen/so "major" problems. And my parents are "emotionally poor/dysfunctional" to put it as accurately as i can. Not "bad" parents, but also not "good" (for me). And they're not bad people, not at all, but they simply were CRAP at parenting - i seriously believe i would have been WAY WAY better off had i had NO parents (but still had food/shelter/etc), than them. I believe it is them primarily, that has stunted my growth emotionally, and as a human being.
I know that my genetics has also played a major factor. The question is, what to attribute to them, and what to other things (eg genetics).
That is where hopefully this thread may help - to maybe uncover some similarities, patterns, trends, etc.
Poll
For the poll, use the average value. Eg if guardian#1 = "Lacking" and guardian#2 = "Crap" --> select "Poor"
Or, if you prefer, just choose their general "combined" effect.
Also, try to make your choice as accurately as possible (don't just "jump" on say "Horrific" by impulse, eg in an aggro mood; "Horrific" is not used "lightly" but is used in the sense like it has caused you bad nightmares). But really consider both their quality of parenting, their quality of character, and compare to both the WORST-possible guardians you can imagine (or think of), and BEST-possible guardians you can imagine (or think of).
Also consider the EFFECTS that you KNOW that THEY (not genetics,..) have had on your life.
Eg1: If you rate your [current] LIFE as "Horrific" (the worst a life could be, in your opinion), don't automatically assign that to how you rate your guardians (other things/people may have caused most of your misery). So maybe your correct choice might be "Poor".
Eg2: Emotionally/physically/sexually abusive parents: Almost all parents are "emotionally abusive" to a degree (imho). Any type of abuse is poor parenting, and poor concerning character traits .. so it'll be "down there" somewhere.
Eg3: You were sexually abused as a child: But it only happened once (but it "wrecked" your life). That was a VERY bad act of parenting, but it only occurred once, and was only :. at that time in your life. You need to consider the quality of parenting BEFORE and AFTER that event, and get an average value. So, say they were very rich, and provided all your material needs (and more). But say also they were "somewhat" emotionally abusive (regular put-downs/criticisms, disregarding your emotional needs, not valuing your opinions,...). Then, materially = "Perfect/Great/Fantastic" (10) + sexual abusive = "Despictable" (2) + emotional abuse = "Crap" (3) + physical abuse = "Good/okay" (7) + Providing for emotional needs = "Poor" (7) ---> gives (using formula below) an "average" value of ~5 ("Lacking" = what you should select)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Formula for calculating overall/average quality of parenting/parents...
(The result will be the value to select in poll choices. Generally, the quality of parenting will reflect on the quality of their character/s?. So maybe one can know the latter by calculating the former??
Quality points: Average rating/year. 10 = highest. 1 = lowest)
Physical/Material. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . P = (ps+pd)/2
(Providing for your physical/material needs)
Physical security – the safety of a child's body and life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ps = (ps1+ps2+ps3)/3
• Provide physical safety: shelter, clothes, nourishment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ps1
• To protect a child from dangers; physical care . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ps2
• To care for a child's health . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ps3
Physical development – appropriate conditions for a healthy growth of a child . . . . . . . . . pd = (pd1+pd2+pd3)/3
• To provide a child with the means to develop physically . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pd1
• To train the body of a child, to introduce to exercise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pd2
• To develop habits of health . . . . (5 = neither good nor bad) . . . . . . . . . . . .pd3
Mental/Intellectual. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . M = (is+id)/2
Intellectual security – the conditions in which a child's mind can develop . . . . . . . . . . . . . is = (is1+is2)/2
• Provide an atmosphere of peace & justice and respect to one's dignity . . . . . . is1
• Provide an environment without fear, threat, and abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . is2
Intellectual development – providing opportunity to a child to learn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . id = (isd1+id2)/2
• Reading, writing, calculating, etc . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . id1
• Support and/or provide school related learning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . id2
• Teach social skills and etiquette . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .id3
• Moral and spiritual development. As well as creating an ethics and value systems with social norms that contribute to the child's beliefs, culture; and customs
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .id4
Emotional. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . EM = (en+A)/2
Providing for your emotional needs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . en = (es+ed)/2
Emotional security – to help protect a child's psyche . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . es = (es1+es2+es3+es4)/4
• Provide a safe loving environment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . es1
• Give a child a sense of being loved, being needed, welcomed . . . . . . . . . . . . . es2
• Emotional support, encouragement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .es3
• Attachment, caressing, hugging, touch, etc . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .es4
Emotional development – developing the child's ability to love, care, help, etc . . . . . . . . . . . ed = (ed1+ed2)/2
• Show empathy and compassion to younger and older, weaker and sicker, etc . . .ed1
• Caring for others, helping grandparents, etc . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .ed2
Abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A = (sa+ea+pa)/3
Sexual abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sa
Emotional abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ea
Physical abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pa
* Play is considered to be a child's work, and encompasses all three elements of physical, emotional, and intellectual development
===> "Average" value = (P + M + EM) / 3
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Formula for calculating average value of quality points...
(This is an alternate (& probably more accurate) way to work out the value of any of the 5 above values. If any of these values have a "complex" history, then try this method to work out the value to assign it)
Eg: Say you were sexually abused once, at age 5.
1 year = sexual abuse (value/severity = 2 ("Despictable")
19 years = no sexual abuse (value/severity = 10 ("Perfect/Great/Fantastic"))
It's not as simple as: (2 + 19x10)/20 = 9.6 = ~10 (as this would be the exact resulting same value for sby who HADN'T had that sexual abuse!). That instance (or "year") of abuse HAS to have a noticeable effect of the "quality value" for your sexual abuse element
So, i have devised a basic way to take it into account:
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .After-Effects . . . . . . . Quality Value
Age 1: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). . 10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . .10
Age 2: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). . 10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . .10
Age 3: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). . 10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . .10
Age 4: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). . 10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . .10
Age 5: abuse = 2 . . . . . . . . . . . 10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . .10
Age 6: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . .13/2 . . . . . .6.5
Age 7: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . .14/2 . . . . . .7
Age 8: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . . 5 . . . . . .15/2 . . . . . .7.5
Age 9: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . . 6 . . . . . .16/2 . . . . . .8
Age 10: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . .7 . . . . . .17/2 . . . . . .8.5
Age 11: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . .8 . . . . . .18/2 . . . . . .9
Age 12: no abuse = 10 . . . . . . . .9 . . . . . .19/2 . . . . . .9.5
Age 13: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 14: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 15: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 16: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 17: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 19: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
Age 20: no abuse = 10. . . .(nill). .10 . . . . . 20/2 . . . . . 10
==> 11*10 + 58 = 168/20 = 8.4 = 8 (which seems an appropriate value??)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
People change, but i think character traits don't change that much?. And if quality of parenting depends on quality of character, then quality of parenting will not change much over the offspring's life??.
Parenting style has a lot to do with their character, the parenting style of each of their parents, as well as generational/cultural influences.
I'd like it to be as scientific/objective as possible, but in the end it is still a relatively subjective poll (but hopefully "subjectively accurate"!).
Comments on how to decide correctly/accurately are welcome
Version 3.0
Last edited:
