Levels of success in beating SA

[pirl]

Hi all,

Just wondering if there are any people on here who have successfully beaten SA to any degree?

I was thinking about this during the week and whilst I am not crippled with SA, it does effect my day-to-day life to some extent.

I suffer from shyness and tend to avoid certain situations and my self-confidence is also quite low. All these things can cause me to feel quite depressed by times.

What I realised during the week is that I can feel quite comfortable with my 'downs' - they give me a reason to feel sorry for myself and an excuse to retreat into myself. I feel that in order to move on I'll have to say my goodbyes to the old me, the me who is comfortable feeling down, who is comfortable just plodding along. I've also realised that this could be an enormously hard thing to do.

I'm working on some CBT and am trying to force myself to be more outgoing (step by step). I feel the hardest thing is to be consistent and just to keep trying.

Sorry for the long post, kinda just putting my thoughts down....

 

[surreyger]

Im the same. It stops me doing alot of things in my every day life, but when I look back ive made so much progress. I dont think im ever going to "beat it" but more learn to live with it better. At some point I think im gonna wake up and just think ive had enough of fighting it and just being content with what I have. I do forget that im not the most worse off person in the world, even if I do feel like it most the time.

You sound like your doing well pirl, and the fact you are willing to do CBT is a big deal.

 

[pirl]

Im the same. It stops me doing alot of things in my every day life, but when I look back ive made so much progress. I dont think im ever going to "beat it" but more learn to live with it better. At some point I think im gonna wake up and just think ive had enough of fighting it and just being content with what I have. I do forget that im not the most worse off person in the world, even if I do feel like it most the time.

You sound like your doing well pirl, and the fact you are willing to do CBT is a big deal.

Hi there. Nice to hear from you.

I'm doing ok. Had a very busy and stressful year on a personal level but I'm starting to get my head in a good place to take this on. Myself and my wife are away out for a few drinks with another couple tomorrow night and where I'd normally be dreading it, I'm making myself realise that all will go ok and it'll be enjoyable.

I think what you say about never 'beating it' is probably true. I feel it'll always be a part of me given that it always has been an integral part of my character but I feel if I can be consistent and keep fighting, I'll at least make it a more and more minor part of who I am!

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

What I realised during the week is that I can feel quite comfortable with my 'downs' - they give me a reason to feel sorry for myself and an excuse to retreat into myself. I feel that in order to move on I'll have to say my goodbyes to the old me, the me who is comfortable feeling down, who is comfortable just plodding along. I've also realised that this could be an enormously hard thing to do.

You said something very important there. There is something almost romantic about our sadness. It can be poetic. And it does give us an excuse to not try, to stay as we are. Realizing this is the first step. There are a lot steps after, but you have already taken the first. We have to get out of our our comfort zone, get out of our shell and be uncomfortable. It will be the only way to get out of this hole. Consistency is something I struggle with as well. These little steps do add up to big steps, we must not get discouraged.

My SA and depression are at a really bad point. But it can get worse! It can get worse and that scares me so much. So I am like at the beginning of my journey. I know it will get better. (It may get worse before it gets better and I will just have to cope)

 

[pirl]

You said something very important there. There is something almost romantic about our sadness. It can be poetic. And it does give us an excuse to not try, to stay as we are. Realizing this is the first step. There are a lot steps after, but you have already taken the first. We have to get out of our our comfort zone, get out of our shell and be uncomfortable. It will be the only way to get out of this hole. Consistency is something I struggle with as well. These little steps do add up to big steps, we must not get discouraged.

My SA and depression are at a really bad point. But it can get worse! It can get worse and that scares me so much. So I am like at the beginning of my journey. I know it will get better. (It may get worse before it gets better and I will just have to cope)

Superbly put. There is indeed something romantic about our sadness.

What made me realise this was looking back on an incident that happened over the summer. I have a bit of an argument with my wife over money and retired to the garden to mow the lawns. I put on my iPod and stuck on some music. One song in particular came on which I really like - it's a really sad song by a superb band with a great female vocalist. Anyway, when the song finished, I put it on again.. and again... and again.

This scene came to mind the other day and I have no doubt that I was really enjoying the melancholy of the moment and that I dragged the last out of it.

I think when the mind is like this, it really is an excuse to remove yourself from all interaction, to basically retire into a shell.

I had a tendency to shut up shop and not speak to my wife when things weren't going well or when there was an argument. One of my biggest break-throughs this year has been to stop doing that, to try and talk when there is something going on rather than tuning out completely.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Superbly put. There is indeed something romantic about our sadness.

What made me realise this was looking back on an incident that happened over the summer. I have a bit of an argument with my wife over money and retired to the garden to mow the lawns. I put on my iPod and stuck on some music. One song in particular came on which I really like - it's a really sad song by a superb band with a great female vocalist. Anyway, when the song finished, I put it on again.. and again... and again.

This reminds me of that Garbage song, "Only Happy When it Rains". There is this one line that sticks out to me: "I only listen to the sad, sad songs." Oh, yeah, that is me. It seems I have not grown out of my teenage angst.

One of my biggest break-throughs this year has been to stop doing that, to try and talk when there is something going on rather than tuning out completely.

How did you get yourself to do that? How is it working for you? Internalizing all this sadness can have really bad consequences, so it is great you are talking about it with your wife now. It can be a hard thing to do.

 

[pirl]

This reminds me of that Garbage song, "Only Happy When it Rains". There is this one line that sticks out to me: "I only listen to the sad, sad songs." Oh, yeah, that is me. It seems I have not grown out of my teenage angst.

Superb song.... 'Pour Your Misery down on me'.

How did you get yourself to do that? How is it working for you? Internalizing all this sadness can have really bad consequences, so it is great you are talking about it with your wife now. It can be a hard thing to do.

How did I get myself to do that? Good question to be honest. A few things came to a head at home, just the normal issues any family has (money issues, teenage children etc). I wasn't coping at all and withdrew into myself for a period of time. Somehow, I came back out and decided that I had to change my ways. I basically decided to stop being a passenger in life.

It's hard to explain exactly but it was like a switch was turned on in my brain.

As for how it's working, it's working an awful lot better than when I wasn't talking. It's a battle though as my default mode is to withdraw into myself. All this talk of CBT etc. does make sense as I feel like my brain is wired a certain way and I have to battle against this the whole time.
.

 

[mart22n]

I can say I have successfully beaten shyness and SA to a considerable degree In the end, NOTHING matters what others think about you, if you're a good-hearted and overall progressive and OK person, which most of you guys are.

I've always pushed myself to be sociable etc, but socializing has been a burden to me for most of my life (I'm 25). A few years ago, however, I started telling a lot of people about my social phobia during conversations. I've just been saying: "I've got this minor social phobia, fear of talking to people. When I say it out loud, I feel more relaxed thereafter." Also I've openly said to many people "I'm not afraid to look you in the eyes", as I believe that good eye contact is a fundamental part of good, relaxed communication

So, as in my opinion SA is based on shame and the guilt that the shame causes, it is important to get rid of the shame first - by admitting things you're ashamed of. Simple and not really tough. If you're uncomfortable talking to someone, maybe it's because you're ashamed of something before that person?

 

[SM1010]

I've definitely taken steps forward with my SA.

Two years ago I had never been on a real date, now I've gone out with 10+ women.

Like most people with SA, I have the irrational talking on the phone phobia. So I took a job where I recruit people over the phone every day.

I also decided to seek out help, such as medications + psychologists.

Everyone can have success in overcoming SA, just take it one small step at a time.