Kind of odd situation

[nattykins]

Hey, I'm new on the forum but I just wanted to share an experience that I had and I wonder if anyone else had the same thing.
I am in the naval reserves and I suffer from SA so you can just imagine how I felt when I was slated for a basic officer qualification course which I would take with 14 other people ranging from age 19-55. The course ran for 5 weekends and lasted from friday night to sunday. I knew that in order to become a commissioned officer (which means a lot to me) as well as getting a promotion, I would have to take the course.
Needless to say, I went on Friday of the first weekend and felt sick. I couldn't eat, sleep or relax because I was in a situation where I didn't know anyone and I was forced to be with these 14 other people.
But by Sunday, I started to really enjoy myself. I was laughing, talking and joking around with these people and not feeling anxious at all. It was like I knew them all for a long time and I felt like I was pre-SA. It was wonderful. I have never felt as comfortable with a group of people since I developed SA. I started to look forward to the weekends I would spend on course. I was so different on course...happy and laughing all the time. I told a few people that I have SA and they refused to believe me because I was comfortable around them!
I thought that maybe this experience would make me better in everyday life. Maybe I could start to feel comfortable around people, but that didn't happen. Between weekends, I was back to my old SA self...Needless to say, when the course came to an end I cried for a couple days knowing that that lapse into my old happy me was over...I'm back to being afraid of people and social situations...
Has anyone else had this happen to them?

 

[longlivesolitude]

Wow does sound like a odd situation. I have experienced something similar but probably not quite. Often when going to a new school or something I feel rather open, I can make jokes etc. I don't feel great but at least open. Anyway after some time I just get in to my typical way of behaving and feeling. When I think about I also feel a little fake about how I've been during the period where I could make jokes and feel open.
Hope for you that you may get into that "state" again At least remember it.

 

[nattykins]

I remember it all the time...I have pictures that I look at and I keep in touch with some of the people...Remembering sucks sometimes though because I wish so much that I could be like that all the time. So it hurts to think that that may not happen again.

 

[dzerklis]

If you have felt that confidence before and were happy, then you are quite capable of feeling it again. Not sure whether you have done treatment for SA but I was told when I did therapy that the road to recovery will be an up/down progress it won't be smooth sailing up the ladder, it will be a bumpy one, a few waves might tumble you a bit but as long as you are progressing higher and higher and you keep jumping the waves that come for you, it will keep getting easier. You only really need to worry if you are going into a total regression (in other words you are avoiding doing things completely that you challenged before), hope that gives you some comfort.
Cheers.

yep but this 'few waves tumble' thing is very annoying =(

 

[nattykins]

thanks for the words of encouragement. I was on meds a couple years back but that didn't go well at all so I've been rather scared of getting more treatment. I've been trying to find ways that I might be able to help myself instead of relying on doctors and that's how I found this site...
Who knows, maybe I am getting better ...but it definitely is a bumpy ride...