Wanting death is different from feeling suicidal. When I am suicidal, all I can think of is different ways to kill myself, it becomes an obsession. I only suffered that once, it was induced by medication ... But nowadays, I just so badly want to die. I wouldn't actually do anything to hasten that day, but I can't help hoping that it will arrive soon. I've been working so long on my SA; and all the "solutions" that I've found have been temporary, then I'm back to square one and scrambling for another "cure". Therapists, medication, self-help ... I just want to throw it all out the window and sleep, forever.
