Falkor
1
Just a note I wrote down while sitting in the bus feeling somewhat anxious, but trying to just relax and sit back, and enjoy my trip back to home. 
''I'm sitting here in the bus, staring at the window, trying to keep my focus on the road, but i feel the eyes staring at me, like I cannot control my focus, because i feel aware of my own fear, still trying to reach the moment to just not care and feel that people can look at me, and I should not feel damaged and shocked by their faces, i know i'm a good person, thoughts.. knocking in.. the bus driver keeps on looking at me, like he's flabbergasted, the face like ''You look so crazy'' but in fact, is it just my mind fooling me? the girl sitting behind me, has this arrogance, it makes me feel anxious because i know these people look at me with that serious face, they do not seem happy in their eyes, like they are ready to judge, snap.. i don't care, i don't even know these people, think of my gf which i just said bye to at the bus station, she is the person whose judge is importance to me, and she takes me the way i am, so no worries?, still giving good impression is my bad perfectionism, always wanna seem friendly, but why? i know sa will keep kicking in, but i know that i start to believe that life offers more than just fear, even though i feel this extreme feeling coming up, i let it in, i finally know how to not panic and wanna leave the bus inmediately,but i know it's still a big bastard, sa should be locked in a cage, like he does with me, but now the cage is broken, i break free, im ready for the steps, if i will ever get to the point that i can control this fear, i wanna help everyone because im fighting so hard to reach that point and i wish so hard everyone could enjoy life , without all these insecurities and painful anxiety''.
another note:
Realised this..
''We are more aware of things happening around because of self conciousness,this makes us extra alert and it's a higher self conciousness, which can be a good quality, not as in fear, i mean, paying attention and being able to look at your own factors deeply, cuz we think so much about our own insecurities, we sure have good qualities, so we should discover good sides of our own SA, I think SA brought us all SPW'ies together for a reason, i think SA is hard, but i think there's so much behind that needs to discover, you people all seem so strong and very clever and very creative, and so friendly to other's because we know judgement can be so harsh, we care for care.''
''I'm sitting here in the bus, staring at the window, trying to keep my focus on the road, but i feel the eyes staring at me, like I cannot control my focus, because i feel aware of my own fear, still trying to reach the moment to just not care and feel that people can look at me, and I should not feel damaged and shocked by their faces, i know i'm a good person, thoughts.. knocking in.. the bus driver keeps on looking at me, like he's flabbergasted, the face like ''You look so crazy'' but in fact, is it just my mind fooling me? the girl sitting behind me, has this arrogance, it makes me feel anxious because i know these people look at me with that serious face, they do not seem happy in their eyes, like they are ready to judge, snap.. i don't care, i don't even know these people, think of my gf which i just said bye to at the bus station, she is the person whose judge is importance to me, and she takes me the way i am, so no worries?, still giving good impression is my bad perfectionism, always wanna seem friendly, but why? i know sa will keep kicking in, but i know that i start to believe that life offers more than just fear, even though i feel this extreme feeling coming up, i let it in, i finally know how to not panic and wanna leave the bus inmediately,but i know it's still a big bastard, sa should be locked in a cage, like he does with me, but now the cage is broken, i break free, im ready for the steps, if i will ever get to the point that i can control this fear, i wanna help everyone because im fighting so hard to reach that point and i wish so hard everyone could enjoy life , without all these insecurities and painful anxiety''.
another note:
Realised this..
''We are more aware of things happening around because of self conciousness,this makes us extra alert and it's a higher self conciousness, which can be a good quality, not as in fear, i mean, paying attention and being able to look at your own factors deeply, cuz we think so much about our own insecurities, we sure have good qualities, so we should discover good sides of our own SA, I think SA brought us all SPW'ies together for a reason, i think SA is hard, but i think there's so much behind that needs to discover, you people all seem so strong and very clever and very creative, and so friendly to other's because we know judgement can be so harsh, we care for care.''
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